His Love Affair
by oooverratedsanity
Summary: Kaname has fame, status, money and a beautiful fiancée. He has nothing to lose until he met a pianist named Zero. He felt immediate attraction, temptation and lust towards the man but never love. Betrayal is his innocence. But what happens if someone else steals the pianist's heart? Warnings: AU,YAOI, OOC, ANGST Pairings: KanamexZero, KanamexYuki, KaitoxZero
1. Prologue

_"I write you a letter that begins with I love you and ends with I love you, and somewhere in the middle is one goodbye for every hurt."_

 _-Patricia Smith_

 **Prologue**

* * *

The sound of wedding bells resonating throughout the cathedral, along with the chattering and giggling noises were all filled with excitement. The blinding sunlight was peeking through the huge stained glass window of the cathedral and was planting warmness on the altar below. The sight was so unfathomable and perfect. There were silver white roses decorated in every pillar of the cathedral hall, giving purity and innocence ambiance around us with a long traditional but alluring red carpet welcoming everyone attending.

Countless important guests arrived in the cathedral dressed in their own decent and formal attires which were specifically reserved for this precious day. The cathedral benches were now crowded with familiar people seen seated in the wooden pew in front whereas they would look at me with cheerful smiles in them as if they were silently congratulating me but I knew better so I looked away.

Black English suit was my chosen attire as I stood nearby the altar all ready and prepared. I committed glances on my gold wristwatch now and then to release the nervousness in me or perchance something else. Then, palpably, all my discomfort disappeared the moment the cathedral organ played.

Everyone seemed to fathom the time as they all went silent on their seats before eagerly waiting to behold the wonderful ceremony in front of their impatient eyes. And soon the long awaited ceremony began.

The stunning melody of the piano organ failed to distract me from staring intensely on the solid surface of the wooden entrance door. I couldn't ease the fast beating heart inside me knowing that he was now on the other side of that door. My mind briefly took note of my appearance and hastily searched for some inappropriateness in it but gladly I found none. My eyes immediately darted back on the entrance door upon hearing it slowly creaking open.

A lump then suddenly was trap in my throat but I instantly swallowed it back with an inaudible groan slipping out of my dry mouth, with my hands remaining restrained behind me in a balled fist as I purposely ignored the increasing sweats building inside them. However, all my uneasiness instantly dwindled once I lay my eyes on the bridegroom.

He was the most beautiful person I had ever cast my eyes upon. He was dressed in a pure white suit which was shimmering against the chasm of sunlit from the open door as he stepped inside the hall, holding a bouquet of white roses in his hands. His enticing silver hair continued to dance along the wind smoothly, thus showing the world how soft it was. He was walking graciously on the red carpet as if he was an angel sent to bless this place and just by staring at him made the world around me disappear.

I felt my breath ceased from the bewitching handsomeness before me but I can't help it. This was the man my heart was beating for and the man I will continue to love forever. There was an amiable smile drawn in his pink petal lips so kissable that I was always helplessly tempted to kiss it. His bright purple eyes never failed to always pierce my soul and they were clouded with tears of joy in it. He was so happy that he couldn't contain his tears at bay that it ended up escaping his eyes no matter how much he tried to hold it back.

I'm happy too. I'm happy because he is happy. His happiness is all that matters to me, I promised.

After what it seemed like an eternity, he already came in front of me with a priceless smile in his lips despite the tears that continued to flow down his face.

"Kaname," he called to me, not knowing else what to say, to which I smiled back at. I needed no words to hear but my name only and it was enough. I proceeded to wipe the tears off his face with my thumb, caressing the skin with so much love and tender.

"Zero," I replied.

I wanted to compliment him and tell him how he means the world to me but somehow the words didn't build. Hence without further words to say, I took his hand in mine and sparks ran through my entire body at the warmth I felt in them. But, unfortunately, the sparks didn't ease the slowly breaking sensation in my chest. The broken thing that had been bleeding endlessly inside me.

I turned around with his hand still in mine and that was when an immense pang of pain struck me like a knife deep into my core and right through my heart.

"Thank you, Kaname," my beloved whispered to me before I gave his hand to the man standing next to the priest. I died again for the thousandth time inside as I saw him take Zero's hand away from me. The hand that was meant for me to hold, he took it away.

I couldn't muster even congratulatory words because of the aching heartbreak that hurt me whole so ruthlessly. A disguised smile was all I could make as I watched them walked in front of the cathedral reredos. I simply returned back to my seat among the male attendants in the front row knowing I didn't have a place with him in the same altar.

After all, I was not the groom my beloved chose.

* * *

A/N:

I don't want to keep putting this in the chapters so I'd like to make it clear, this is YAOI or boy love. If you are homophobic or against LGBTQ, please do not read this story. Some of you might be familiar with the story as it was previously posted under an old title 'The Rose in my heart bleeds for you' which needed few revisions so I deleted it on this site.

I figured a lot of people might've been looking for it so I decided to post it again.

For those of you who are not yet familiar with the story, I hope this sparks your interest.

I do not own vampire knight, tho I really hope I do.

Please R&R! It would mean a lot to me.

:)


	2. His Fateful Meeting (Kaname)

_"There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment."_

 _– Sarah Dessen_

 **1\. His Fateful Meeting (Kaname) || Great Britain 19th Century**

* * *

"Isn't it lovely, Sir Kuran?"

The woman on my left complimented one of my greatest paintings here in the grand gallery display. "Yes, indeed, and this is why I love art because it brings the ember of joy in me," I corresponded with them as I took a sip of my red wine before going over the next display of my work.

"Oh, it will be such a great honour if you will have me as your model for your art, Kuran-sama," the other woman tried to charm my attention by biting her lower lip in a way that hinted a hidden allure however I simply dismissed her boldness.

"In your farthest dreams, Ruka. Sir Kuran has many suitable models other than you, isn't that right, Sir?" the third woman interrupted in jealousy as she humbled herself with one of her appealing smiles. I merely smiled in accordance

Entertaining such kind of women was such a grief to me but I still consummated in talking to them because everything was plain business. These women are rich and they belonged to the top social class in our society, hence the reason why I always found myself feigning on pretense that I am enjoying their company. It is so to help me gain fame from their status and to also sell my artworks at the same time. It was like hitting two birds with one stone.

For aught I knew, that was how the world goes in our society. You bribe them by any means and they will gladly take the bait. Money was all that mattered in this day of age and if you were wealthy then you'll be the gold in the mines of their hearts.

I'm Kaname Kuran, son of a Viscount and a young nobleman with everything the world can offer. I'm an only child born in my family and still not yet married so that made me the potential goal for wicked kind of women who marry gentlemen for status and money. And that was where they were wrong, because I don't find greatness in money, status or fame.

The only thing I have passion for was art. Being a painter was my desired profession. I love canvases, colour paints and paintbrushes. Those were the things I only and truly love in this world.

"So tell me, Kuran-sama, why pursue such profession when you can do anything more merit than this?" Ruka tried to get my attention again, this woman surely don't know the two words give up.

We now stood in front of one of my famous paintings which illustrated a young woman with her naked back drawn and a garden of orange tulips around her. Painting flowers was one of my secret to my artwork's success. The various kinds and colors of flowers were magic itself. They bear hidden meaning behind different nature of shades and painting such colors was what ignited the passion in me. However that wasn't the only driving force I had rather it was something else, it was a dream.

"It's because I dream to paint the most beautiful thing in the whole world." I said with proud determination.

"That's very admirable! But can you tell us what is this most beautiful that you seek?" the first woman decided to ask in correspond to my answer.

"I don't know, that is why it is the most beautiful because I have yet to seek what it is." I replied before finishing the rest of my wine in one go and my sight happened upon on the arrival of someone I knew.

"Now if you'll excuse me, ladies, I have something more important to attend to." I dismissed myself just after respectfully kissing their hands goodbye and before heading among the rest of the crowds.

I stopped from my tracks after I spotted the person I needed to greet the most. "Thank you for coming, Sir Kaien. I hope you're not tired from your journey." I smiled and offered my hand for a gentleman handshake.

This man is Kaien Cross, an honorable Marquess and he is the founder of a prestigious school that my parents sponsored since the foundation day. He was also one of the people who encouraged me to pursue my goal as an artist and he was the one responsible for organizing this magnificent painting display. He smiled too and shook my hand in return.

"You need not to worry, Kaname, and besides the wonderful success of your paintings is all worth the long road trip I had," he praised.

"Of course it is," a female voice came behind the blonde man and there she was, the only daughter of the peer, Yuki Cross. She was a couple of years younger than me and this very lady in front of me was the most favourite of my parents among the proper girls arranged for me to choose as my future wife.

I didn't blame them because Yuki is such a pretty and well-mannered woman though my parents had to wait for her to reach her legal age for us to wed. Though, instead that made me partially content because I have no wife to pamper on and all the free time I had will go to my paintings.

"Congratulation to your success, Kaname," she added with a sweet smile in her.

"Thank you, and I'm delighted to see your beautiful face here, my Lady." I took and kissed her delicate hand gently in mine to which she blushed deep scarlet in response, obviously enamoured of me. She seemed to not mind the hundred glares coming from all the women present in the hall, or maybe she chose not to.

The display event was eventually coming to a nearing conclusion when the hired host stood on the small stage in the middle. I took the courtesy to invite the two to watch the ending of the display which everyone was eagerly waiting to see, "Would you like to accompany me to watch the closing of the event?" I asked in endeavour to entertain them and sure enough they both nodded in return.

I offered my arm to Yuki where she gladly wrapped her smooth one before walking with me and her father towards the front of the audience.

"A pleasant evening to everyone. I would like to offer credit to Sir Kaname Kuran for his undeniable success. I want everyone to please give him a round of applause," the old man said loud and clear in which I simply raised and gestured my hand in pleasure as they showered me with heart-warming applause.

"To commemorate this event, I have reserved a special music piece for our handsome gentleman of the night. I believe it is difficult to end the evening without a beautiful melody, that is," the old man said as he circled around the black grand piano that was situated there before leaving the platform with all the lights soon going out.

In the dark, I could hear footsteps on top of the wooden platform and a figure of a man was all I could take in from the shadows. The same did to the thrilled audience as they tried to see the face of the unknown man standing there in the center of the small stage and Yuki was as enthusiastic as the others, unlike me. I didn't anticipate for anything other than the closing music but something burned instantly within me upon the bright flicker of a single spotlight. The radiance of light immediately shone down on the stage and the scene I saw stole my breath away.

A stunning young man stood confidently in the center of the solid platform with his platinum blonde hair glittering against the brightness. He held his lean but perfect built in a straight posture as his cream toned skin glowed so entrancingly in plain sight. He looked at us with his enchanting and piercing lavender eyes full of wonder, and the audience looked back at him the same, where the others looking at him with interest especially from the women. He was a gorgeous man.

He was dressed in a white dress shirt with long sleeves and black trousers. He took a silent bow before sitting on the grand piano's seat and placing tender touches on the white keyboard. I was smitten and soon he began to play. The musical piece was so romantic for a night such as this. He was playing the exquisite piece of Beethoven which was famously known as 'Historia de Amor' or in English translation means Love Story.

I was captivated by the harmony that I found myself never looking away from his fingers that were dancing graciously on the piano keys. Every single tune made by him only mesmerized every fiber of my existence. The rhythm was inching its way into my heart that I could feel each descant of my heartbeat skipping along the tune. I was besotted by a man I barely know.

He would close his eyes now and then, and he would sway his head so flawlessly like he was floating on cloud nine although his actions only made him better-looking than earlier. His actions were fascinating in every way. I was captured in a moment by this man his name I don't know. But strange enough, I found myself wanting to be spellbound by a man with bewitching handsomeness more than narcissus had. The music lasted for only short minutes but surprisingly it felt like I was entrapped in a music playing in an endless time.

I slowly blinked back in reality as I was immediately greeted by the deafening applause made by everyone around me. It was truly a splendid performance and a single applause was not enough to describe how awe we were because of it, especially me.

"It was marvellous!" Yuki and her father both commented.

I couldn't help but remained beguiled in my own footing since my mind was still, and literally, blank at said the moment. There was never a musical performance I became riveted such as this and it was truly an unexplainable experience that even I found myself wondering why.

"Let's see and meet that pianist. I want to compliment his outstanding performance," Sir Kaien said.

I nodded in silence and followed behind him speechlessly with Yuki walking next to me. I was still caught in unknown high which I couldn't escape but again strangely, I felt myself wanting to be immersed in this kind of feeling.

Time went by slow and the surroundings distorted from the corner of my eyes as we walked through the crowds before finally stopping before the beautiful man earlier. He was busy entertaining a lot of guest wanting to congratulate him too so I took the opportunity to composed myself back because I certainly didn't want to look like a fool in front of him, and after a while he turned to us with a friendly smile in him.

"It was an outstanding performance! My name is Kaien Cross and it will be an honor to be acquainted to you," the blonde man offered his hand for a handshake and the beautiful man hailed him in respect.

"Thank you and I am absolutely glad to be acquainted with you too," the man replied and I swore his voice was as beautiful as the music he played. His vocal tune was ringing to my ears and I liked the sound of it.

"This is my daughter Yuki and the man beside her is her fiancé Kaname Kuran." Sir Kaien introduced us in our behalves and the man greeted us with a stunning smile.

He kissed the back of Yuki's hand before looking at me and offering his hand for a shake. I reached for it nervously and as soon as I touched his hand, I felt something from it that I never felt before. Something that I never felt from anyone I ever had physical contact with. It was questionably weird and when he let go of my hand, I can still feel it. It was almost scary when I felt myself wanting to feel that sensation against my body. It was both tempting and creeping me.

Somehow the lifelong dream I had to paint the most beautiful thing in this world was kindling from the depths of my soul and what was more was that, I found myself wanting to paint the image of this man into my canvas and admire his divine beauty in every way my paintbrush would describe.

He was all my imagination could think.

"It's a pleasure to meet you all, I'm Zero, Zero Kiryu," he introduced himself.

* * *

Piano Song: Historia de Amor by Ludwig Van Beethoven


	3. His Temptation (Kaname)

_"There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable." – Mark Twain_

 **2\. His Temptation (Kaname)**

* * *

"It's a pleasure to meet you all. I'm Zero, Zero Kiryu."

The gorgeous man introduced himself casually. His name was all I know now while everything else was pure mystery to me, even the tempting charm he had in himself was such an enigmatic attraction. His every glance to me from the corner of his eyes as he talked with my companions was enough to make me nervous and restless in my own body. The way he would press his lips into a smile was all that needed to make me feel hot despite the cold atmosphere of the night and just by watching his chest that would rise from his deep breathing was all that needed too to steal my own breath away.

How he could make me feel this way was pure wonder to me.

"You're such a very talented pianist, young man. How come I never heard of your name? Is this your first time performing in front of people?" Sir Kaien started the conversation with him without formalities and politeness like they were already acquainted to each other for years.

"No, Sir. I had been playing the piano since I can remember but I only play when I would go around the town and visit orphanages. It's been my customary and I take passion in it. I certainly love it when the children like listening to my music," Zero chuckled at his words.

Truthfully, I was charmed from the words he said because he had the same passion as I when it came to our talents. Being proud of your talent was truly admirable but loving that talent of yours with your whole heart was the most impressive thing, and I admired him for it. He also seemed to be the type of person who didn't care if people judge him for having a less significant talent so again I was starting to think highly of this man.

"That's wonderful and I agree with you, young man, music do soothes the soul, children or not," Sir Kaien gave him a friendly pat in the shoulder and I couldn't understand the ember of bitterness building in my heart.

"It is truly wonderful, isn't it, Kaname?" my fiancée called and they all turned to me. I then found myself imprisoned from the gorgeous man's profound stare that I gulped silently at it.

"Indeed," I answered as I instantly looked away.

I tried to search my head for an enlightenment as my free hand wandered my waistcoat where I grabbed a hold of my pocket watch.

Turning to my fiancée, I asked with eyes narrowing on the ticking hand of the watch, "Would you like me to escort you and Sir Kaien back to your house, it is quite late already and I have my carriage prepared outside?"

Yuki made a small sound of reluctance at first but she knew she couldn't go against therefore she agreed, "I'll take that offer." She didn't like the idea of ending the evening without an intimate moment alone with me but, unfortunately, that was the farthest thing I had in mind. All I wanted tonight was to escape the gorgeous man's alluring presence.

Not too long we were outside the museum with my horse carriage already in wait. The Coach was large enough to fit a small family. The horseman was taking a close check on the rig in case there was a fault as we ambled towards the carriage. The two black horses were not in their best behavior as they would endlessly stomp their hooves on the ground, they were no doubt impatient as I was.

I opened the door and took Yuki's hand as she climbed the Coach very carefully so she wouldn't tear her dress apart carelessly. She occupied the seat on the one near the quarter window like usual since she always had fondness in watching the sceneries through the glass. Sir Kaien was about to follow his daughter inside when he stopped to face the gorgeous man.

"Would you like to come with us, young man? I am absolute that you have no company to walk with you home. It's very dangerous for an attractive man like you to be alone in the night," the blonde man asked.

I wanted to tell Sir Kaien that there was no need for the man to ride with us but I was unable to, since there was this pull again. Zero appeared taken aback a little at our offer but he later smiled at it pleasantly. The dim lit of a candle light from the enclosed lantern hanging on the side illuminated his smiling face and again I feel captivated for unknown reason.

"I'm grateful," he replied and soon he stepped into the quarter and I followed after him.

The rest of the ride somehow didn't seem boring since all I had been doing was trying not to have a physical contact with the gorgeous man. It took a lot of effort to prevent myself from looking at his direction without being too discernible at it. Who would have thought that I would kind of regret agreeing to give him a ride knowing I would be sitting next to him inside the quarter, have I lost some common sense?

Sir Kaien and the gorgeous man were conversing in a topic I literally didn't relate to and I simply let them be in their own world, also I would prefer it remained that way so I could avoid talking with Zero too. Yuki would look at me once in a while with love in her eyes but I would look away in return. No reason, it just that something in me no longer find it interesting to look at.

Soon, one of the carriage's wheels came into a little road bump, shaking us inside and breaking the firm posture I had. I was then accidentally scooted close to Zero, so close that I could feel his body heat underneath his garment and I grimaced at the effect it had in my own body before scooting back to my seat, the little distance occurring again between us.

"Sorry," I apologized and he only raised an eyebrow at me. He was confused for a reason I had no idea but I turned away.

The gods probably decided to grant my silent prayer because the horse carriage eventually stopped at the beautiful scenery of a mansion and I breathed in relief at sight of it. The maids and butlers were already in wait to greet the arrival of their master and mistress, eventually the horseman left his perch to open the door of the quarters for them. Sir Kaien was the first one to step outside with Yuki following her father right after I gave her hand a goodnight kiss.

"Thank you for the escort, Kaname. I'll be looking forward to our next meeting. Have a safe journey," Sir Kaien bid us farewell and as soon as the door closed, I took the opportunity to move on the now empty seat in front without being strange from doing so.

Uncomfortable was a perfect word to describe the silence between me and the gorgeous man. Have I been referring to him as gorgeous? I didn't notice. Other than the unpleasant silence, there was this strange tension inside the quarters and this tension was making the room so tight and suffocating, I could feel my hands going numb.

"You have been quiet for a while. Is something the matter, Sir Kaname, right if I remember?" Zero was the first one to break the reticence but not enough to break the restlessness I had.

"Fret not. I am doing fine," I tried to sound as formal as possible while convincing myself to be calm.

I can't understand why I was feeling like this and I thought it might be because we were strangers in such a small room but I guess not. I was partially thankful when he seemed to notice the discomfort in the air since he didn't press any more questions, although part of me felt pathetic for making him uncomfortable just as I was.

He turned his head opposite from mine, making us both looking away from one another and I would prefer this silent treatment until we reach the destination which he pointed out was near his home.

I tried not to sneak a glance at him from the corner of my eyes but only to fail to do so because there was this unfathomable pull again and it was strong, so strong that I can feel the obvious allure his body had towards me. Is this what they call temptation? I pondered. I had no awareness about it because never in my life did I feel like this from someone else especially from my fiancée and to make matter worse, I found pleasure in this temptation.

I wanted to resist it yet I also wanted to yield into it at the same time. I had never been attracted to men for as long as I can remember but something in him made me doubt my attraction. Such thing was not frowned upon in our country and that was for sure, but that didn't mean it applies same to everyone else.

To be more clearly, it didn't bother people from lower society class but it did to people who belonged to higher class like mine. Because people from higher social class usually consist of little members of the family and it was most likely very common to have an only child, and being an only child was a great humiliation if you were different.

I groaned inwardly to force out the thoughts. It was not like I had doubts about my attraction and I believed this was not a temptation. Oh such incredulity, if only my body could believe on them.

How could it be when my mind was still lingering on the alluring image of this gorgeous man drawn in my neat canvas with me painting him. I wanted myself to be disturbed on such notions but strangely I could feel the desire to draw him mounting in great proportion. This desire was making it difficult for me more than it should.

"Would you like an occupation, Mr. Kiryu?" I asked all of a sudden and he turned to me with a blank face, rendering me unable to read his emotion.

"What occupation is it?" he asked.

"I am in need of an idea for my next painting. Would you like to model for me? Do not worry, I will pay you enough."

"To model? Heh, I would like to turn it down if I'll be posing nude," he laughed, somewhat amused.

"To make it clear, I don't include nudity in my art. Such image is not of my preference," I shook my head before bringing a finger on my chin, contemplating if I should go and listen to my desires.

"Forgive me for my insolence. Of course, I don't mind since I am also in need of an occupation. Mind if I know what you'll be painting next because I know all of your arts, Sir, and they all depicted females in them. It just that I am surprise you are doing a male one this time," he reasoned with all honesty.

I felt like punching myself silly since he hit right on the mark. What was I thinking? It was like I forgot the factual idea that he was a male, I groaned to myself. I wanted to make an excuse from what I said but the burning desire was already getting into me, throwing all my reasons to the window. I couldn't think no more but only immersing on the need to paint him more than anything else.

"No reason, do you want to model for me or not?" I asked him with a change of tone, a very urging tone.

He raised an eyebrow again but not in confusion, instead it was uncertainty as if there was something bad coming about, if he were to model for me however he agreed anyway in the end.

"Alright, so the end of the week?"

"Indeed, this coming end of the week. I will send my footman to fetch you in the morning since it'll be faster that way," and just like a cue, the carriage stopped and I can see an outdoor light post situated nearby.

"Well, I'll be looking forward to see you soon, Sir Kaname," he bid me his farewell before opening the door himself and stepping outside right after. I closed the door securely, without even bidding my own farewell to him. The carriage soon left the place and I took a deep breath before letting out an exhausted one. Just being near him was a great ordeal for me, I face palmed myself for being so pathetically uptight.

The past days were all normal but little did I know that it will change drastically on this weekend, the promise day that I will finally be able to fulfil my desire to paint him.

It was morning dew outside but the appealing sunlight was all I need to prepare this personal art room of mine just next to my bedroom. I specially built this on my own after I decided to be a painter. The room was tidy and simple, the walls were covered in black Paisley patterned wallpaper, where there was not a single picture hanged on its solid surface, and the floor was made of white marble. There wasn't much furniture in here other than the painting equipment and all.

This room was my sanctuary.

There was a single red couch prepared with two nightstands on both sides. I arranged my wooden tripod painting easel in a firm stand and made its back face the couch in a slant position with a distance not too close and not too far. Then I placed a neat and blank painting canvas on its frame carefully as to not scrape the edge. The remainder of the time I had before noon, I used it to prepare the rest. Of course I had already prepared myself for the day with a good bath and everything.

I had sent my footman to fetch him as promise and after waiting for an hour and a half, the horse carriage came entering through the entrance gate of my mansion. I watched it as it made its way towards the porch and it soon stopped where my maid and butler were waiting for him. I could see the gorgeous man stepping out of the Coach as my servants welcomed him with courteousness.

This was one of the reason why I chose to built this room as my sanctuary because from here I could see the front garden of my family mansion and also because this was where the sun always shine upon sunrise and where the moon always rise from its slumber. It brought peace and calmness I needed.

It was a perfect room for every artist.

I escaped my trance when a series of knock came onto the door. "Sir, your guest has arrived," my maid greeted. "Let him in, Seiren." I commanded her.

The door soon opened and Seiren took a bow before closing the door after the gorgeous man entered, hence leaving the two of us alone. Zero didn't waste the chance to wander around my room like an enthusiastic little child. He wore an expression in him like this was the first time he had ever entered a large mansion while I used the opportunity to admire at his innocent but handsome face. His beautiful manliness was truly extraordinary and this was why I desire to paint him.

"Your art room is bigger than the living room of my house, I'm astonished." He praised my art room and it was kind of weird that I was somewhat flattered of his compliment since I never take such remark so seriously from my previous visitors before.

This gorgeous man really did bring the weirdness out of me.

"You sit there and I'll draw you," I beckoned and he followed my pointing finger onto the red couch before gesturing him to start modelling for me.

He walked towards it and sat casually on top of the comfortable fabric. I, on the other hand, took a seat on a wooden chair next to my tripod easel and mentally took note of the scene in front of me. Then my mind registered on the clothes he had.

"Take your clothes off," I bluntly said.

He stared at me in surprise like he heard something unusual, well in fact it was. "My clothes? I reckoned you don't do nudity in your art, Sir Kuran?" he asked a little edgy, well we hardly knew each other so why would not he be?

"No. Forgive me for choosing such bold words. What I meant is that you take all your clothes off but not your pants though if you're uncomfortable with the idea even then feel free to tell me so," I reasoned, trying to make an impression of myself and I actually didn't know why I bothered doing it.

He thought for moment before deciding to do just as I first said. Standing from his seat, he proceeded to take off his leather coat and put the garment on the floor before turning to remove his dress shirt. He started undoing the buttons on both his sleeves before turning to unfasten the ones on the front.

My chocolate brown eyes intensely watched every move his fingers did as he gently unfastened his shirt buttons one after another. I caught a glimpse of his cream skin as it was slowly baring in front of me. I waited for all the buttons to be undone before watching him take the garment off his collarbone and slipping it off his broad but perfect shoulders. Soon the shirt dropped on the cold floor, finally where it should be. I grew rigid when I saw his bare torso. He was unbelievably lean and sexy for a man. His built was not muscular as mine and his waist was more slender than most men, but in spite of that his body was the epitome of perfection I had ever saw.

Even the most stunning person in the world was nothing compared to him.

"I suppose a little nude is fine?" Zero asked with a little smirk in him. He looked handsome and erotic at the same time. 1" Indeed. Take your shoes off too and lay on the couch," I smirked back.

The gorgeous man like what I was describing him since then, he settled down on the couch with his head resting on an armrest with one of his arms propping above him, making him look like he was in lounging instead of modelling. He had his legs in a spoon like position with his knees facing my direction and he had a hand just resting beside his face.

The room was already a little dim and dark when I closed all my window curtains, our only source of light in the room was the candle lights on top of the antique nightstands with an arrangement of red roses next to them. I intended to make the scene as romantic as possible but somehow just having him there, the atmosphere somewhat turned sensual and seductive or it might be only my imagination.

"May I ask why chose red rose this time?" he asked with a steady and calm breathing.

"The velvet shade of red rose signifies passion and desire. It's both seducing and tempting that's why people find it hard to resist," I told him as I folded my sleeves up to my elbow so it won't be stained by my color paints.

"Is there a particular reason why you chose me? I believe red is not suited for me," he replied in a humble tone like he was not aware of how irresistible he was.

"I beg to differ, red do suited you perfectly." I replied as I picked a pencil from my equipment before starting to draw the necessary outline on my blank canvas.

After I was done drawing his figure using a pencil, I turned to my wooden palette and picked up a brush before dipping it one an oil paint. Soon I started coloring the background around him. I sat in front of him side way which gave myself a better view of him while I painted him on the canvas. When I finished painting colors on the background and the couch, I grabbed a change of brush before dipping it on a cream one and bringing it on his drawn picture.

I would take an intense look on him now and then as I smeared color on the right places. I wandered my eyes on his now colored torso as I began to paint his nipples in rosy color though somehow the oil paint couldn't illustrate the eroticness those little buds had and it was such a shame. I looked back and roamed my eyes on his naked chest again as I turned to paint the rest of him.

How does it feel if I touch him here and there, I wondered, as I traced my fingers on parts of him I wanted to touch.

I licked my lips, sensing the increasing anticipation in me. The intense desire was slowly consuming me again and I could feel my body starting to get hot. Lust was beginning to burn me from within that I found the garments already a burden so I paused for a short moment to undress myself of my own dress shirt.

The air around me was getting a little steamy and thick. And although I did discarded my shirt, my body didn't stop sweating. I turned my eyes to Zero and I caught a flash of emotion in his lavender ones, something like desire in it but I didn't know what kind of desire it was.

I continued to do my painting of him despite the wavering focus I had especially with the air now getting warmer and warmer than seconds ago. I wondered if the heat was coming from the candle lights. I held my attention still on the canvas, concentrating on it instead of looking at Zero's body which I found rather inviting. However, my eyes went on the object of my temptation and there I saw him sweating, sweating the same way I was. His body seemed more erotic than ever and it snapped something loose in the back of my head, I swore.

His naked chest was drenched in sweat, with each bead smelling like an aphrodisiac drug and strangely my hormones were reacting to it.

Our breathing was now becoming labored as we stared at each other with lust clouding both our eyes. He bit his lower lip in attempt to resist the lust in mine but only to be more hungry and ecstatic of me. I could feel my manhood hardening and my body aching to feel him. I dropped my palette and other painting materials down on the floor before walking to his direction in a motion so sensually low. His breathing became even more desperate as I was nearing closer to him.

He looked at me with the same desire from earlier and I ultimately recognized it now, it was the desire to be held by me.

And it fueled my lust so much more I decided to give in to our desires and surrender myself to his allure. I stopped before the couch and leaned down closer to his beautiful face. I caressed his lips with my thumb and my desperate lust became even more desperate. I lusted to kiss him. I inhaled his hot breath in mine and it made me scorch hot in my own increasing heat.

"Kiss me," he demanded.

And I soon did. I closed the distance between our faces before capturing his lips in a passionate kiss, with the both of us finally yielding to our temptation.

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A/N: The romantic film Titanic is my inspiration for this chapter


	4. His Denial (Kaname)

"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. " – Oscar Wilde

 **3\. His Denial (Kaname)**

 _WARNING!_

 _Things get a little more... graphic as far as love scenes go... I don't know if I should give the story an M-rating as not every chapter contains mature scenes, now... I might just leave it as is but put a warning on M-sections. I have the M-sections/ more explicit sections marked so you can skip them if you want._

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 *****Warning! M-rated content follows! Skip if it bothers you!*****

"Kiss me," he demanded.

And I soon did. I closed the distance between our faces before capturing his lips in a passionate kiss, with the both of us finally yielding to our temptation.

His lips so sweet it was already indulging my mind. I could feel the last air escaping our lungs but I didn't stop kissing him and so was he. He held onto my neck and tangled his fingers on my soft hair, all so caressing me gently. The two of us parted each other's lips before staring at one another deep in the eyes. There were no appropriate words can be said to describe the moment, it was all new to us and I was unsure of what will happen if we continue further on.

Well, what on earth am I doing?

I felt the uneasiness mounting around the art room but soon it disappeared from my senses the moment Zero took my right hand in his, cuddling with it. I can feel the warmth of his cheek against my palm as he proceeded to caress it on his handsome face. He looked so beautiful with his eyelids close as he hummed against the softness of my palm.

Zero continued to cuddle with my hand until he looked straight at me with a sweet smile painting his lips. Likewise, I felt tempted again.

For some reason, I always find his lips so kissable and delicious. He decided to play with my fingers in his own delicate ones, intertwining them now and then. It was so sweet of him and it was enchanted me. He blinked his eyes at me when he brought his tongue on my pointing finger, licking my skin all so tenderly.

I shuddered at the foreign wet sensation.

He flirted my fingers with his tongue, circling it in between and sucking it whole right into his warm mouth, all the while not looking away from me. He was adding fuel to my burning lust. He stopped after my fingers were soon wet and put my hand on his bare chest, letting my wet fingers crawl on his sweating skin. I shuddered again as I heard him moan when I happened to brush his nipple.

"Touch me," he demanded again.

I didn't respond since I was still fighting with my body from betraying me and it took a lot of my will to not bring my mouth on his inviting nipples. Everything he was doing to me was pure torture and it was kind of unfair. And when he received only silence from me, he took the initiative to bring my hand much lower and I was began to shudder more.

"Feel me," he added.

I could something snapping from the back of my consciousness because before I knew it, I captured his lips again in a hungry kiss with my sinful hand going under his trousers. Pure and rich moans escaped his mouth, igniting my desire more than ever. I wanted more. He was like an addicting drug. All his taste brought me into an ecstasy and it was making me see the otherworldly stars.

I groaned, the couch was not spacious enough to satisfy my need so I abruptly stood up and he clung himself to me as I pulled him, his legs locking around my waist as I carried him into my bedroom. He gripped my the back of my hair and tilted my head in an angle to capture my lips in revenge but he lost since I was much more dominating than him.

My bedroom and art room were connected to a single door, and to think I'll find such built a huge fulfilling at a time like this, there was probably wrong with me. The passionate kiss went on as I motioned toward my large bed and every step I take closer to my bed turned us on more and more that I couldn't take it anymore. The burning feeling was so overwhelming. I placed Zero on the comfort of my bed and admired the scene under me. Just seeing him so tempting and defenseless on my bed was so arousing I couldn't contain my breath anymore and the crimson color of my bed sheets wasn't helping either.

He was indeed an alluring man.

I crawled on top of him, my nose and lips tracing on his chest as I panted breathlessly. "I want you, Kaname," he begged. I didn't even know if I should be happy seeing him begging to me or not because just hearing him say my name with so much need was already undoing me.

His voice alone was my greatest weakness.

Truthfully, I never held someone before and let alone another man so I had no knowledge on how to pleasure and touch my partner. But for unknown chastise reason, thousands of dirty thoughts were already filling my head full and it was overflowing that I didn't know where to start. Zero seemed to understand my hesitation so he grabbed me by my shoulders and flipped us over. He straddled me and I gazed at his nude chest, and again he was arousing me I couldn't care less anymore. He moaned against his clenched teeth as he pressed himself on the hardness underneath my garments.

He bit his lower lip as he gazed at me too and without wasting a second longer, he wandered his hand on my pectorals, massaging me in a sensual way.

He planted kisses on them before working his way on my neck and I gladly let him search my weakness which he did without difficulty. He nipped and sucked on it relentlessly like there was no tomorrow. However, despite the pleasure I was feeling, I felt unsatisfied. My lustful demon was screaming in need hence I grabbed him by the waist without a second thought before flipping us over again and immediately restrained both his wrist together above his head.

"It's my turn." I smirked.

I held his jaw in place and gently tilted them to bare the slender neck that was hiding from my sight before I instantly attacked him. I successfully found the spot and I gave in on my desire to ravish his neck that had him tremble against me. I bit on his jawline before making my way on his chest, seeking for his nipples. His sweating skin tasted a little salty but its saltiness was like ambrosial on my tongue.

The essence of his sweat against my nose was an irresistible gorgeous man named Zero Kiryu was no doubt my new addiction. I soon found his nipples and bit into them. He choked out a moan but it didn't stop me from giving his sensitive buds my full attention as he writhed under me in helplessness. I continued to suck into them before trapping them in between my ruthless fingers. He arched his chest on me and I couldn't get enough of it.

Zero gripped my hair tightly as he silently begged me to stop torturing him and of course, I gave him my mercy this time. I now make my way much lower with my tongue trailing on his stomach before stopping on his pants. I turned to unbuckle his leather belt while taking the zipper in my teeth and I felt his toes curled in anticipation.

I focused on unbuckling his belt and unfastening his zipper at the same time before loosening the secureness of his pants. I gently pulled all of them down, admiring the softness of his skin as the garments slid off of him smoothly.

After finally undressing Zero, his beautiful nude body was now burn deep and clear in my memory. For a short moment, I thought that seeing another man's manhood was somewhat disturbing. Although, seeing all of him was already sending me further down my temptation.

He was indeed a drug and I was already beyond rehabilitation.

I brushed my fingertips on his manhood and I earned a soft hiss from him. I smirked playfully as I proceeded to take his manhood in a grip, brushing my fingers on him more. Zero made a long hiss.

My mouth suddenly became dry and I feel my tongue itching inside as if it wanted to do something naughty, and I didn't deny what it wanted so I waited for his vulnerable moment which came soon and just like that, I took him in my mouth. He failed to suppress a moan as I twirled my tongue on the tip of his length and pulled him out just before taking him whole again, and I repeated it again and again. His thighs jerked every time I grazed my teeth on his shaft which he couldn't do anything against other than writhed for me hopelessly.

"I'm going to go, Kaname," Zero warned me but I found myself not letting go.

And a few seconds later, warm liquid flowed down my throat and I didn't think twice of swallowing it in one go. I could still taste him in my tongue and it tasted rare but dainty. I licked my lower lip, hungry for more. "Turn around." I ushered and he did.

He positioned himself in all fours and he looked more inviting than before, his bottom now bared in front of me. Temptation further possessed me like a madman and I found it difficult not penetrating all of me inside him in one brutal thrust.

"You're beautiful, Zero," I complimented him while unbuckling my belt and not too long, I was also finally free from the burdening material of my pants and I let out a moan of relief when my manhood sprung unleashed in front of me. It was throbbing and begging me to enter something tight and I knew where it was. "Bear with me," I said as I positioned myself.

I licked my fingers and rubbed them on his entrance, wetting them until they were soft. I watched as the tip of my length soon inches its way into his tight entrance wall and Zero groan out of intense pain. I stopped halfway to let his entrance muscle adjust on my intrusion and I eased my groaning partner by drawing circles on his back, soothing him from his painful moment. I kept on soothing him until he was finally ready for the rest of me. Zero silently nodded, and that was my cue.

I maintained myself on my knees just as I leaned down to embrace him, his breathing back moaned soundly against my naked chest as I showered his nape with butterfly kisses, all the while penetrating him more as gently as I can be. He moaned and groaned as he felt me finally deep inside him. We both remained in our position as we savored the feeling of our joined bodies.

He arched his head to meet mine, turning around to capture my lips in his. I held on to his stomach as I began to move myself slowly. Feeling his entrance wall tightened around my manhood instantly sent me soaring to heaven.

I soon began to move faster and faster, thrusting into him harder and harder . I lost count of how many times I thrust and I lost count of how many times he moaned for more. I touched every part of his body and bit into his neck, leaving nothing untouched and untasted. He threw his head back as I pounded into him like a madman, his body convulsing with mine. I held onto his hips as I finally reached my peak.

"Kaname." he reached for my hands as he shuddered his release, his essence spurting on the clean fabric of my bed sheets. His labored breathing sounded inaudible as I released my own inside him while moaning his name behind his ear.

 *****M-rating section over! Go ahead and read without worries!*****

I trembled, sated and exhausted. He hauled his limp body on the right side of my bed while I took the other one next to him. I soon surrendered on my heavy eyelids and simply waited for the darkness to consume my consciousness.

"I have fallen in love with you." were the words I heard last before drifting deep into sleep.

The blinding sunlight that was peeking through my window was what woke me up from my dreamless sleep and it frustrated me since I wanted to sleep more. Birds were singing outside in glee but the knock on my door was what refrained me from going back to sleep.

"Your breakfast is ready, Sir." I heard Seiren from the other side of the door.

"I'll be downstairs in a minute," I replied as I sat up from my bed.

My weary eyes refused to listen to me as I rubbed them awake. If anything, I was not a morning person so it was always been a daily circumstances for me to have a hard time getting up. I stretched my arms wide while yawning tired and that was when I felt something fidgeted beside me.

I looked at the lump under the blanket next to me and realization hit me like a huge boulder from above. I had consummated a one night affair with the gorgeous man. Memories of our passionate night came rushing back into my head and this sudden recollection scared the life out of me. I jumped out of the bed with a single pillow covering my nude lower part. Zero woke up from the disturbance however he merely smiled at me and it was the smile of a lover. Nonetheless, it didn't stop the anxiousness building in my heart and I hid a grimace beneath my stoic face.

"Nothing happened between us," I said, trying to convince the both of us and I could see his smile disappearing from his lips. It made me want to take back what I had said but I held myself in place.

Last night was just a mistake and I realized that sleeping with another man was definitely wrong in every way because what really happened was a mere fulfillment of our desires and nothing better comes out of it. Beside he and I were not lovers in the first place and I was sure we will never be.

After all I had a fiancée and she was a beautiful woman, and certainly not a man.

"What do you mean, Kaname?" he asked in disbelief and I could see the hurt in his lavender eyes.

"I want to forget what happened last night. It's wrong. It is just a one night affair and it is our fault for seducing each other. Forgive me but let's forget everything from between us. Don't worry, I'll still pay you and I'll add more for the inconveniences I caused," I said not looking at him straight in the eye because of the guilt in me, the guilt of using an innocent man to satisfy my own lust. " I don't need your money, Kaname," he replied in distress.

"I love you, Kaname. Last night was perfect and I don't want to forget it. I fell in love to you the moment I met you and I will never regret a single bit about it," he confessed to me and it caught me off guard. He loved me?

"I'm not asking for you to love me in return because just being near you is enough for me," he added with all honesty which only further stirred the guilt in me. He loved me but I didn't love him, what I felt about him was not love rather it was just lust and I truly was sorry about his honest feelings for me. In one way or another I can't reciprocate his love.

I couldn't muster something nice so I wouldn't hurt him any further but little did I know that the dead silence between us was already hurting him than necessary. But despite receiving painful words from me, he still had the instinctive to understand my situation and remained kind hearted towards me.

"I understand. I promise I won't bother you and you can trust me that I won't tell anyone about last night. But at least, let me be the one to only remember what happened between us," Zero promised me as much as he can.

"I'm really sorry." I replied in attempt to ease his pain.

"No don't be. I should be sorry for seducing you, Kaname. It's not your fault so don't feel bad for me. But I hope to remain acquainted to you and that is all I wish to ask of you," he continued while getting up to pick up his pants before dressing in front of me. I debated with myself for a minute, hesitant to accept his proposition to stay acquainted with me. I couldn't understand the bugging feeling but it was telling me the consequences if I didn't push him away from my life.

Nevertheless, I still agreed because the mere thought of not seeing him anymore was kind of upsetting me for unexplainable reason.

"Of course, we will still be acquaintances, Mr. Kiryu." I replied bluntly and he flinched at the way I spoke of him formally like I was purposely putting a boundary line in between us.

He smiled to me one last time, not the one from earlier because this time it was a smile to hide the pain in the depths of his heart. "It's certainly nice working with you, Sir Kaname," he responded before going back to the art room to fetch the rest of his clothes. His silent departure later on from my mansion was planting a bitter feeling in me. Somehow I found it displeasing and I can't comprehend why but all I know was that I dislike the feeling of him walking away. However I shrugged it on the back of my mind and turned to pick up new clothes from my closet.

Today was a different day and I intended to make it that way because after all last night was just a one night affair and nothing else, right?

The rest of the day was normal just like the everyday routine I had before my mistake.

"Nothing happened between us," I restated the first words I said to him this morning while looking at the incomplete painting of him in my canvas. Indeed, I returned to this art room where everything about last night first started; the heat, the lust and especially the temptation. Blaming myself was the best choice I could think of since it was entirely my fault when I gave in to his seduction.

But then, he didn't seduced me on purpose and that meant that the fault was mine because I reacted to it when I knew too well that it was wrong in the beginning.

I diverted my attention to the glass in my hand filled with my favorite wine, in an endeavor to eliminate the memories of our mistake however even my mind was betraying me now. His beautiful body, his lustful moans and his erotic taste; everything was carved deep into my head that I could no longer bring myself to forget it.

It was a perfect night for me too.

I no longer trust my own body since I was now craving more of him. My fingers reached to touch the picture of him, trailing its way into the smooth surface of his seductive image as I replayed in my head the way I touched his chest, his nipples and every part of his body. My skin wanted more of his soft flesh and my senses wanted more of his rich moans.

I wanted more of him and it was maddening me.

I turned to cover his incomplete painting with a clean sheet to stop myself from further fantasizing about him before finishing the rest of my wine so I could take another one and I chuckled at my helplessness.

This temptation will surely be the end of me.

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Author's Note:

I always have my these notes at the end of every chapter as I don't want to disturb your quality time whilst reading the chapter except from the occassional instances where I'll have to put a warning.

Please R&R!

Thank you! :)


	5. His Sweet Delicacy (Kaname)

_"Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."– Robert Frost_

 **4\. His Sweet Delicacy (Kaname)**

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I listened to the giggling and chattering noises around me as I waited in silent here on a dinner table. Several noble individuals, such as an Earl and a Fürst, were all over in this one restaurant built in our town.

There were brilliant giant chandeliers, paintings and delectable cuisines which undoubtedly made this place so prominent. I sat with patience in this table I reserved as I waited the arrival of my fiancée. It had been one of my normal routines to always bring her to dinner once a week as part of my courtship for her but I would be lying if I said it was my utmost interest.

I laid my back indolently on the chair while I crossed my legs decently in front. I leaned my elbow on the armrest as my chin rested on my knuckles, simply looking languid but I hid it under my decency. That was my best traits I had, I was excellent at pretending. My pocket watch on the palm of my hand was ticking as time passed by. It had been a couple of minutes since I started waiting here and I could already feel my perseverance leaving my body.

Sometimes it made me wonder why women tend to be late all the time.

I looked around for a distraction to keep my patience in check and I found my red-brown eyes settled on the bouquet of flowers on top of the dinner table. It was a corsage of yellow and lavender roses which I brought with me as a present for Yuki. Though I decided not to give her, her cherished red roses in purpose because the alluring shade of red reminded me of the temptation I had gone through a couple of days ago.

That was right, it had been a past few days since that night with the gorgeous man however I couldn't forget the burning passion and it was incensing.

Every time I saw a red color, I could see his beautiful face and it was haunting me in my dreams. Everything about him plagued both my mind and my body endlessly and it was infuriating me. I sighed, dispirited, since I didn't plan to go back reminiscing about it especially when I was here meeting my fiancée. The goddess soon awarded my patience when Yuki came through the glass entrance door, dressed in her charming debutante gown, with a man in suit following behind her.

I caught a glimpse of the man's face and I shuddered upon seeing that it was the gorgeous man. Why is he here?

My fiancée, Yuki, made her way towards me with Zero still following behind her and I hid a grimace. "It's pleasant to see you again, Kaname," she greeted me with a loving smile and I stood up to take her hand before kissing it in response.

"It is certainly pleasant and you look beautiful just like the roses I have for you, my Lady." I complimented her genuinely while handing the bouquet of roses I brought with me. Her face brightened at the sole mention of roses but it faded the moment she realized it was not red like the ones I always gave her but she chose not to say anything since it'll be disrespectful to my part.

"I'm surprise to see Mr. Kiryu here with you. Perchance, is there something of occasion?" I questioned, skeptical, as I shifted my attention to the gorgeous man. Though it seemed a naught compare to the distraught in his eyes.

Did I say something wrong? Then I figured that it was probably because I gave Yuki a bouquet of roses. But wasn't it such an issue because she was my fiancée so it was only normal and proper of me to give her something which was worthy for our engagement.

I love you.

Zero's confession came back dwelling in my mind and I could feel my conscience stabbing me behind ruthlessly. Of course, he would be hurt because he loved me but nonetheless we're not even lovers so he should know best not to expect the same affection from me. I don't love him the same way and will never be. However, why do I feel like taking him into my arms and tell him how sorry I was in order to comfort him. He was affecting me again and I didn't like it, not one bit.

"Is something the matter, Kaname? I'm sorry if I brought him with me since it was me who persuade him to come because I thought it would be nice to have him with us in our dinner and besides, my father would love it if he knew because we're planning to hire him to care for our stable," Yuki explained herself but it didn't persuaded me to tolerate his presence.

Although, in the end, I accepted the fact that he was here with us whether I like it or not and it will be harsh of me if I tell him to leave since it wasn't me who invited him in the first place.

"It never occurred to me that Mr. Kiryu know how to care a horse. I'm astonished," I tried to make a compliment to hide my discomfort while trying to sit contentedly in my seat since the gorgeous man's presence alone was enough to still make me uneasy to no end.

My fiancée turned to me with her eyes narrowed like she just heard something out of the normal. "You don't know? He told my father that he is fond of horses during the time you escorted us for the night," she replied just as she grabbed a hold of table d'hote to pick her choice of meal.

Was she somewhat referring to the talk of Sir Kaien and the gorgeous man about things I couldn't relate to? I cursed myself mentally after realizing the fault I did for not listening to other people's conversation. Now I looked like a fool in front of the gorgeous man. Then it dawned me that I had been naming him gorgeous again like the last time. I should stop doing it.

I made no response and just turned to grab a similar table d'hote before instantly picking my own a choice of meal as the waiter came to our table to take our orders.

"I'll have an Antipasto." I stated.

"Classic alla Carbonara," and my fiancée stated hers.

The waiter turned his attention to the gorgeous man and so did I. He looked uncertain as to what he would order since he had his thumb pressed on his lower lip as if trying not to bite it though it made him seductive and likewise I was tempted to kiss those delicious lips again. I groaned trying to hold back my annoying urge.

For some reason he looked tantalizing than before, like his body was emitting an essence which was enticing me and my inner desires.

People said that a woman looks more beautiful after she is held by a man. Does it apply same to men too? I didn't know but looking at him right now made me want to believe on that nonsense. He was so alluring and it took a lot of self-control to not restrain him to his seat and ravished him to my heart's content. The lust was getting into me again so I looked away.

"Ravioli alla Marinara," he stated his and the waiter nodded to us in silent before walking away.

"So how's your painting, Kaname? Are you doing another female model this time?" Yuki asked calmly while trying not to sound jealous since she always didn't like it when there were other women near me especially when they model for me.

Well, I can't blame her suspicions since something already happened and what was more, it was something with a man.

Zero looked at me with unreadable emotion, making me uncomfortable in my seat. I supposed I should be careful on my words.

"No, I'm still searching," I simply made a convincing statement as to not rise doubt from her and it did because she thought that she would have a lot of time with me alone since I was not busy as of the moment and I let her believe that so she wouldn't insist on knowing more than I could say. In that way, she wouldn't know about what happened between me and Zero.

"How about you, Mr. Kiryu, how's your profession as a pianist?" my fiancée turned to ask the gorgeous man sitting across me.

"I'm perfecting a musical piece, a beautiful one that I plan to play for someone special to me," he replied with a sincere smile in his face and I felt my heart skipped a beat. Was he perhaps hinting that I was that special person?

"That's wonderful. Your woman is no doubt blessed to have such a romantic man like you. It is nice and lovely to have someone serenade you isn't it, Kaname?" she now turned to me with light in her brown eyes, a kind of light that she wanted me to do just the same. Had she not know that I don't know how to play a piano? This woman can be quite selfish and she was not even aware of it because she thought it was natural to ask something romantic from the man as part of the courtship.

"I don't know how to play a piano," I reasoned but I failed to make her change her mind.

"Then you can ask Mr. Kiryu here to teach you how to play the piano. I will be absolutely happy if you could do it for me especially since my birthday is nearing soon, please?" She pleaded with her innocence radiating before me, although I didn't find it effective.

However, I found myself agreeing anyway since I knew my parents would be angry if they learned that I refused a wish from my fiancée. I grunted to myself, surely unable to do the opposite.

"Of course, I'll do it for you, my Lady." I surrendered despite the immense disinterest. Well, I have no choice in the matter.

"Perfect! I will be glad if Mr. Kiryu here will be your help since he's the best pianist I could think of. Would you do the pleasure of teaching him, Mr. Kiryu?" Yuki asked the gorgeous man with the same light in her eyes. Deep inside me, I prayed to all the gods that Zero will refused her even though I knew it would be useless to pray for it because he seemed the type to not refuse a lady and Yuki's solicit wasn't helping in the other hand.

"It will be my greatest pleasure," Zero tried his best not to sound anguish because he had promise not to bother me and Yuki was making do otherwise even though it was not her intention.

I felt a little bad for him because not only was he breaking our agreement but he was also asked to teach me to play the piano so I could play it for the woman engaged to me, in one way or another I knew he was in pain because of it.

Thankfully, the upsetting moment soon ended when the waiter came back with our meal. He placed down our meals in front of us and we gracefully made our proper table etiquette. I placed a neat napkin cloth on my lap before taking a table knife and fork in both my hands and immediately dug on my choice of food. We ate quietly throughout our meal as part of decent table manners.

However the rest of my attention was on the gorgeous man sitting across me.

I would watched intensely on every bite he took and how the tomato sauce would dripped past his tempting lips just before he could wipe it clean with a cloth. The way he brushed the soft cloth on his lips was all needed to make the lust surge hot in the depths of my soul. I kept on staring him with observant eyes and surprisingly I didn't find him boring like my fiancée beside me.

She was beautiful and stunning no doubt but it just that there was something in her I could no longer find intriguing and it was different when it came to the gorgeous man, he was enchanting and I was always enthralled when I learned new things about him.

When I turned to my pretty fiancée, I felt nothing new. She was a woman and I will have a future with her since she can give me children of my own flesh and blood. But that was all I could think about. Of course, I was fond of her however that was all I can feel, it was not love that I had for her rather it was a simple infatuation and nothing else.

Be it as it may, I had never been in love in my whole life.

After finishing our meal, we decided to spend the rest of our time leisurely in wine and small talks. A male sommelier came to our table with a tray of three bordeaux glasses and a bottle of champagne. He served each of us with it before filling them with a red wine. I grabbed the stem of my wine glass before bringing the rim under my nose so I could smell it. The aroma was indeed splendid but strange enough, it made me recall the scent of Zero's skin. I guessed I was truly addicted to him.

I dismissed my thoughts before taking a sip of the wine and savoring the appealing taste that slowly dissolved inside my mouth. Wine was truly my favorite drink.

However, I frowned straightaway upon seeing the color of the wine and it was a deep color of burgundy, another red and it caused me to recall again the one night affair I had with Zero, the passionate night if I may add.

"It tastes exquisite," Yuki praised the unique taste but it didn't lifted up my mood. Not until I felt someone grabbed my hand, "Are you alright?" I heard her asked.

"No, I am fine, no need to worry, my Lady." I replied with a forceful smile, nonetheless what happened soon after was not within my expectation. She leaned forward and gave me a kiss on the lips much to my surprise.

Truthfully, I wanted to tell her it was indecent to show affection in public and that was what annoyed me although half of me was annoyed because she kissed me in front of Zero since I was aware of his love for me.

Wait, was I worried that I might hurt his feelings?

Crash.

I jolted upon hearing a sound of glass breaking on the solid floor. Both Yuki and I aimed our attention to the gorgeous man and there I saw him with the front of his vent suit now dyed with burgundy liquid. "I'm sorry," he murmured as he stood up from his seat with his eyes on the floor as if he was trying not to look at me. But I knew Zero was hurt when he Yuki kissed me and part of me felt guilty for letting him see such a scene.

"I'll excuse myself," he added while walking the direction to the comfort room.

"I wonder if he's alright," Yuki said, concerned of him, while still holding onto my hand but I gently pushed them away as I stood up, "I'll see to it if he's okay."

The waiter was already cleaning the broken glass when I passed by him, I continued my way to the single person comfort room and once I reached the door of the men's comfort room, I intake a deep breath. Why in the god's name was I even nervous? It was not like I'll do something uncouth with him in such a place like this hence I shrugged my thoughts. However, I promptly doubted myself upon entering the room and seeing him undressing his suit.

His suit jacket was already discarded and he had his shirt buttons undone halfway so his toned chest wasn't bared much but bared enough that I can see his nipples and my lust was beginning to creep under my flesh because of it.

I looked away as soon as possible before my desire get into me again like what it did to me on that night. On the other hand, he was stunned to see me standing before him. "I'm sorry for intruding. I just wanted to see if you're unwell," I justified myself while looking blankly on the comfort room wall on my side.

"No, I'm fine. It just that the fabric of my shirt absorbed most of the wine so I have no choice but to remove it to wash it away," Zero replied and I believed him since the fabric of his suit looked like it was not even stain-proof.

"You can take your time," I gestured him to continue while securing the lock on the door behind me.

I had no idea why I locked the door, no I knew why and I was just denying it. The mere thought of another man having the pleasure of seeing him shirtless with his erotic skin in plain sight was kind of enraging me. I was feeling possessive for unknown reason.

He spun around with his back now facing me before he resumed on unfastening the rest of his shirt buttons. He disrobed himself with it and I could see the fine muscle of his back, the sight of it brought me the memory of my hands drawing circles on the surface of his skin, making me want to do it again.

Good god, I wanted to feel his hot skin on mine again.

Zero went to face the washstand beside him and turned to moist the stained spot of his shirt using water on the ceramic basin. The deafening silence remained just the same until he decided to break it, "Forgive me." he spoke his thoughts first.

"About what?" I asked in return.

"Forgive me for breaking my promise. I assured you that I won't bother you but here I am, having a dinner with you and your fiancée, more so I am chosen to give you a piano lesson when I could have refuse her if I really wanted to, but I didn't," he whispered as he continued rinsing the stain clean.

There I was captivated by his tender heart. Why? Because he was rejected by a heartless man but in spite of that he still had the instinctive to understand me and be sorry when in truth, it was me who should be asking forgiveness to him however he did it nevertheless, and he chose to carry the mistake he didn't even committed in purpose just so he wouldn't disappoint me. He was hurting himself in my behalf.

How he remained so kind despite the continuous heartache was beyond me so I did what I could only thought was best.

"I accept your apology," I said with a smile. I decided not to argue with him about it since I felt like succumbing to his kindness, his kindness that no doubt was making my heart swell. Zero looked at me with wide lavender eyes because he probably thought I would be mad at him but frankly, I didn't have the audacity to be mad at a kind person like him.

"Thank you," he replied back with a smile that could imprison my whole soul in an instant and I felt my heart skipped a beat again.

But, fortunate as it may be, I felt the temptation overwhelmed me again, the same temptation from painting him before. His lips so delicious that I was dying to capture them in mine again so I didn't held back this time and in a blink of an eye, our lips were connected to each other once more.

I tangled my fingers on his soft silver hair while my free hand wandered on his alluring nude back. My body pushed him against the wall and he leaned against the solid surface for support. His breath escaped past my lips as I breached my hungry tongue inside his mouth before exploring everything in it. He battled with my tongue but failed to win against mine, moaning for his loss.

I pushed him further to the wall as I grinded both our growing hardness together and he raised his left hip on my thigh to give me room to grind into him more, he was moaning for much more.

Shivers ran down on my spine as I heard the rich moans I wanted to hear again for the past few days, the moans that always brought me high and ecstatic. We stopped for a second to inhale our breaths before resuming on our kiss that would always leave us insatiable and begging for more. My other hand trailed its way on his chest and soon pressed on one of his tender nipples.

He tried to hold back a loud moan since someone might hear us because after all this was still public place even though we were locked in a room, but nevertheless it was still not an appropriate place to continue further on.

I let go of his delicious lips before caressing it with my thumb.

It was settled, whether I like it or not, I wanted him or to be specific I needed him even though I didn't harbor the same feelings of love. My body, my mind, my soul and everything I was, was in need of him. This temptation, this lust and this desire was my saneness and only this man can held it stable for me. He was a big part of my life now and that little mistake was just the beginning.

I couldn't forget about him, I couldn't push him away and most of all I couldn't let go of him no matter how much I tried. He was truly my greatest addiction.

"Will you be my affair?" I asked him in hope that he will accept my proposition even if I will never return his feelings. Zero smiled genuinely like I just asked him to be my lover. Well in fact, yes, but somehow it meant far from it.

"Yes, I'll be your affair, Kaname," he replied and kissed me again, though little did I knew that our secret relationship was about to begin its bitter journey.

* * *

Dun dun dun dunnnnnn. Hahaha.

And the plot thickens.

Please let me know your thoughts by reviewing.

:)


	6. His Starry Eyes (Zero)

_"Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."_

– _Robert A. Heinlein_

 **5\. His Starry Eyes (Zero)**

* * *

The white mare was stomping her hooves in the ground as I tied a rope halter into her face. She seemed excited since I was about to bring her outside the stable. This horse was peculiar to me because she didn't like to stay in a single place for a long time much less in a place where there were only three horses including her, so it was a pretty lonely place if I say so myself.

"Eager are we?" I muttered to her as I caressed her muzzle and head.

This was my first day as a stable boy here in the Cross Family estate. I didn't have problem against this job because I liked taking care of horses since they were so energetic and a friendly mammal, only if you're not hostile to them, and I didn't hesitate to accept their job offer for I was also in need of money.

I was just your ordinary young man on the age of twenty who belonged to life of commonalty. To earn hard labored money had been my everyday battle but in spite of the hardships of my life, I was content and happy. I viewed life in a positive perspective and I find happiness in the simplest things such as good food, beautiful nature and affection from people I loved. Well, I lost my parents when I was young so that was maybe part of the reason why I was such an optimistic kind of person.

I pulled away from my thoughts when I felt the horse snuggled her face into my neck. A smile found its way into my lips and I simply stifled a chuckle.

"I like you too," I replied to her affection when the entrance wooden door creaked open.

"The mistress is here with Sir Kuran," a maid imparted to me and I felt my heart leaped from its place upon the mentioned of his name.

"I'll be there, just give me a minute," I replied and she disappeared quietly from the door. I tightened the girth on the horse's barrel and I checked the saddle one last time for safety measures before stroking the mare's muzzle again.

"I want you to meet the love of my life," I said and she nodded with a neigh as I gently pulled the rope before leading her out of the stable. Sir Kaien had told me a while ago that his daughter will be spending time with her fiancé and that he would like it to be special so he asked me to prepare a horse for the two since they will be doing a horse-riding on a near forest.

Although, thinking about it, it brought this dull ache into my heart but I dismissed it for aught I knew well that my love was for him was wrong in the very beginning. Why, if anyone ask? Because I was in love with an engaged man and it was wrong no matter how I see it but was loving someone with your whole heart truly wrong? I wondered.

I fell in love in a wrong place and a wrong time, and I couldn't think any more worse than that. I was indeed an unfortunate man.

Once I stepped outside the stable, I saw them already in wait. Yuki was dress in one of her beautiful gown with a bustle on her long skirt and a bergère hat on her head. Sometimes I could never understand why they tend to dress so fashionable when they were only going for a horse-riding. Women are truly mysterious beings.

She hid a giggle under her folding silk fan but failed to conceal a blush on her cheeks as she flirted with her man. The mere sight of her happiness managed to break my heart piece by piece.

She was a daughter of a Marquess and she was the bride-to-be of the man I loved, and most of all she was a woman.

I turned my attention on the gentleman standing beside her. He was the most terribly handsome man in this world and his ocean blue eyes were the ones that had imprisoned me at first sight. Those beautiful pools that reflected everything it sees was what captured my heart and will forever held me captive. I was hopelessly in love with him and I was falling far too deep.

The dull ache in my heart disappeared when I saw him looked at me straight in the eyes. Just a single glance from him was enough to make me the happiest man alive. Love can be cruel at times because it can take one's own breath away, it can make one lose his reason and for the most part, it can steal one's own heart. Indeed love was truly a sweet torment.

"I'm pleased to see a beautiful woman like you today, my Lady." I complimented her as I took her gloved hand in mine before planting a kiss on the back as a sign of greeting to a woman.

"And I am pleased too to see you doing splendid on your work. Father would be very pleased to see his horses doing well," she replied with a smile before turning to her beloved, "Shall we go, Kaname?"

She gestured her head towards the horses and Kaname nodded before putting a tight smile in his lips, "Of course, I'm raring to go spend time with you," he replied, half-heartedly pleased. He had this strangeness of pretending and hiding his emotions. He was so great at it that sometimes even I couldn't see right through his disguise. It made it all the more difficult because I wouldn't know how he feels about me other than that one thing.

He now turned to me, "Are our horses ready, Mr. Kiryu?"

I almost winced at the name because whenever he called me like that, it made it known to me that there was this invisible boundary growing in between us.

"As ready as you are, young Sir." I simply smiled.

I held the mare steady as Kaname climbed on its back although the horse made a little protest at first like she was not willing to have anyone on her back but I caressed her muzzle again before whispering words only the two of us could hear.

"Be careful of him, he is precious to me," and with that the horse calmed down and eased on Kaname's presence.

"Mind if I know what you said to calm her down?" Kaname asked with a curious brow.

"Sorry. It's a little secret just between me and her," I teased and he shook his head, amused.

He seemed like he wanted to know about it but he insisted no more before turning his attention to Yuki to whom he offered his hand and I felt something ripped the wall of my heart when I saw her placing hers in his. He hauled his fiancé up and let her sit in front of him sideway. To be honest, just seeing them so perfect together had the reality slapped onto my face, the reality that I'll never have him as mine.

I was about to walk away when I heard Yuki called to me, "Will you ride with us, Mr. Kiryu?" she asked.

As a gentleman, I certainly find it hard to refuse a lady's plea moreover with such a solicit look in her eyes. I really didn't want to go along with them knowing that I'll bear the pain of seeing them together. Just imagining it had undoubtedly stabbed my fragile heart a thousand times.

"I would love to but I have more important matters to attend to so I will kindly refuse," I tried to lie, barely successful of it.

"No can do, Mr. Kiryu. I'm afraid we can't maintain the horse well if something goes wrong and it just doesn't feel right without you there. It's better to be prepared than not," she responded, persuading me more which made it harder to think of an excuse.

"Is it kind of impolite of me to come along on your date?" nevertheless I still tried although I knew it would be a futile attempt anyway since Yuki was the type that doesn't take no for an answer.

"You're so generous, Mr. Kiryu, but I'm afraid to say I am not induced. Now will you do the honor to accompany me and my fiancé?" she insisted as she embraced her man right in front of me. I gave up on trying to argue with her so I simply nodded in defeat. Pulling out an auburn stallion from the stable, I climbed on its back and departed into the woods along with them.

"It's beautiful," Yuki proclaimed when as we reached a certain place.

It was a clearing deep in the forest. I was lost in the beauty of nature when I saw the splendid plunge waterfall in front of me. It was truly a wonder to see. The scent of fresh water was invading my senses. I waited no more in climbing down from the horse and ambling towards the river where I descended my hands on the cold and clear water. The chilling sensation I felt subsided the warmness of my hands but it didn't held back my urge to swim in and relish the pleasing sheer cold all over my body.

"I want us to wed here, Kaname," I heard her say and it killed my moment of happiness.

I sighed and went back on my feet when Yuki, who was still sitting in front of Kaname, called to me. She made a gesture that she wanted me to help her climb down from the horse so I simply said nothing and walked towards them with my welcoming hands offered for her.

"Such a gentleman, Mr. Kiryu," she praised me but deep inside, I was a little sad of her attitude. She always wanted everyone to attend to her every wish which made her a simple spoiled princess.

After assisting her back to her feet, I turned to help the man whom made my heart this painfully defenseless. My hand reached to him and I could feel my heart race a mile when he grabbed a hold of me. There it was, the same tingles I felt when I first met him in the gallery display. He gripped my hand tight as he stoop down the mare and he looked at me for a long while with his hand still holding mine, as if he never wanted to let go and I could hear my heart begging him not to.

It was such a painful plea.

"Thank you," he let go of my hand and smiled. His smile was somewhat contagious because it never fail to make me smile too, or maybe it was because I was in love with him. It was just a simplest thing but it still affected me in every way.

"You're welcome," I replied before walking away from him.

As much as I wanted to be near to him, I couldn't betray a woman's heart.

I felt something nestled itself into my side and I chuckled at the friendly mare seeking for my attention behind me. "You're thirsty are you?" I muttered, fascinated of her as I ruffled her mane. I liked her because not only was she unique with her body in a color white milk but also because of her odd fondness for me.

"Should I name you Lily?" I mocked a name as referral to her color but surprisingly, she liked it as she replied with happy neigh. Laughter slipped from my lips as I began to lead her to the streaming river. She leaned her head down and I squatted beside her so I could support her chin as she took her time drinking fresh water.

"You're a charming horse you know," I praised her and somehow it felt funny talking to an animal but I didn't mind talking to her all day long because I had this odd fondness for her too.

Soon, she was done and I took it as a cue to stand up before deciding to go back to the others but when I returned, I was devastated at the scene I saw, tearing my heart into millions of pieces. There, was Yuki and the one holding her in an embrace was the man I loved, Kaname.

He had his arms wrapped around her as Yuki buried her lips on my beloved's chin and holding onto him as if he was her lifeline. Their bodies connected to one another in a perfect embrace and it broke me apart.

Tears fought to escape me and my muscles went numb at the immense pain building inside my chest, my knees going weak. I just wanted nothing but to break down and cry because the scene only made the reality cruel for me now that I knew he will never belong to me.

She put a good distance between their lips and I heard her whispered, "Do you love me?"

"I know you love me, Kaname. But you never once said it to me, well do you?" she went on and I found myself silently praying to the gods or whatever deities that existed, I prayed and I begged to them to not make him say those words, those three beautiful words that I dreamed to hear him say it to me and not say it to her.

Kaname looked reluctant at first and it brought a little ember of hope in my heart but in the end, it faded nonetheless. "I love you, Yuki," her face brightened at that.

"And I love you too, Kaname," and with that said, she closed the distance them and pressed her lips into his in a kiss.

My world collapsed on that very moment and the gravity felt so heavy that it brought my heart to the ground in an instant. My chest tightened so much I was almost suffocating. I wrapped my arms around me, somewhat protecting myself from anything that hurt me but it was futile anyway, It was really unbearable to see the one you love in the arms of someone else.

I tried my very best to be strong but it still overwhelmed me that I couldn't stop myself from wishing that I didn't fell in love with him in the first place. I wanted to shout. I wanted to scream and I wanted to ask why him of all people.

As I remained speechlessly and helplessly watching them, a nudge came from behind me and I glanced past my shoulder to see the white mare pressing her nose, as if telling me to turn around and look away. She continued to press her nose in attempt to comfort me. Did she perhaps understood my situation? This horse was truly peculiar.

After pressing her nose non-stop, I decided to turn around and let her comfort me until I was smiling again.

"You're so strange, you know," I said as I finally regained composure.

"But don't be mad at him okay?" I asked of her while looking deep into her big round eyes.

"He did nothing wrong," I added with a sad smile.

"He really did nothing wrong."

"I'm surprise to see you attached to her, Mr. Kiryu," I heard Yuki seeking for my attention and I turned to her, seeing an amused smile in her face.

"I think she is the one who is attached to me. Anyway it's already pretty late, my Lady. Your father will be worried," I replied looking at the dimming clouds above us. It was nearing dusk.

"You're right. I suppose we should return as soon as possible," however when she went closer to the mare, the horse gave her a furious reaction before taking a few step away from her. The mare was so hostile of her all of a sudden.

"Oh my!" Yuki lurched away from the mare, frightened of her change of behavior.

"I'll walked for the meantime to calm her down so please use the stallion instead," I suggested as I pulled the mare close to me to soothe her anger.

"You're staying? It's dangerous to remain alone here in the woods, it's getting dark," Kaname pointed out, dismissing his scared fiancée and choosing to be worried of me which I found sincere of him. It completely brought butterflies in my stomach. I smiled genuinely at him, "No don't be. I can take care of myself and besides mistress is in need of a company on her way back," I reassured him while walking off with the mare.

"Be careful on your journey," I bid them farewell before disappearing into the woods.

The sun was already setting and the surroundings were being swallowing by the shadows. The remaining light was bending away, making it hard to go further in the woods but it didn't lasted when I reached another clearing in the forest.

It was a vast land full of meadows and the tranquility of the night was blowing in a gust of wind, singing a silence of serenity everywhere. Lily seemed to take a liking to this place because I already found her sitting down on top of the soft grass. I chuckled as I nestled both my legs in rest, the plants brushing smoothly against my pants. Hours drifted away in sweet placidity until I felt long familiar arms wrap around me in an embrace, an embrace I longed for to feel.

"I'm sorry," he whispered on the back of my ear.

I hummed softly before asking, "What are you sorry for?"

He tightened the hold in me and simply repeated, "I'm sorry,"

"No, you shouldn't be sorry, Kaname. You did nothing wrong. I should be sorry instead of you since I am the one who is going between you and her. No matter how you see it, it is kind of unfair for your fiancée," I justified him as I carried the burden myself, reaching to hold his hands and I could feel his arms tightening more.

Then he suddenly let go of me before turning my face to him, "Why? Why are you so kind to me, Zero? I can't fathom it so tell me," he asked, confused and somewhat guilt-ridden.

I simply smiled at him and I held his warm hands in mine, "Come."

Standing up, I led him in the center of the meadows without further words, considering that it was better to show him than tell it to him in imperfect words. "Lay down with me," I asked of him.

Just the feeling of his presence alone near me was enough to make all the pain disappear in a heartbeat. That was what he does to me but he didn't know it and I was more willing to show it to him. The two of us lay down on the comfortable grass, side by side with our hands interlaced with one another. The boundless space of the night sky was what hailed our eyes with countless of diamond stars scattered across it. The bright blue moon was looking down on us and I could feel the cool wind blowing my bangs, making it dance away from my face.

"It's beautiful," I admired the starry night sky above us.

I turned my head to him and I was in awe upon seeing happiness in his face. He liked what he sees and that was all I needed to be happy too, his happiness was my happiness too. He turned his head to me and I felt the heavenly joy when I saw the beauty in his eyes, his red-wine eyes that reflected the things he sees and right now, it was reflecting the stars clear and making his eyes glittered in front of mine.

"You're beautiful too," I caressed his face with my fingers as I let myself be besotted on his starry eyes, "The reason is simple, Kaname."

"I love you." I smiled as I held more onto his hand.

On the other hand, Kaname remained silent in his place like he was not sure of what to say or maybe he was sure of it but he prefer not to say it to me for my own good which I only accepted wholeheartedly. I brought his hand to my lips as I planted a passionate kiss on it. "I am yours. I surrender myself completely to you, Kaname."

He pulled his hand away and I didn't protest because his fingers were already under my chin and his lips already on mine. I could feel my heart slamming inside my chest in happiness because of it. My lips burned on his soft ones and it sent me to straight to cloud nine. He brushed his tongue on my lower lip, demanding for entry and I gladly let him in. The gentle intrusion of his tongue in my mouth felt so right and complete.

I felt his other fingers danced on my neck as he started to undo the buttons of my shirt.

I was absolutely aware of his only feelings for me and that one thing was none other than lust. But I accepted it without a second thought because I loved to him and I didn't mind offering myself to him whole. Likewise, I was falling far too deep for this man.

After unfastening all my shirt buttons, he brought me closer to his body and on that starry night, I had willingly submitted myself to his mercy.

* * *

Hi guys! How are y'all doing?

I'll be updating as fast as I could.

Please don't hate Kaname yet, he'll get worse. Hahaha

Lemme know your thoughts please.

Reviews excite me so please R&R!

I love y'all!


	7. His Serenata (Kaname)

_"Unrequited love is the infinite curse of a lonely heart."_

 _– Christina Westover_

 **6\. His Serenata (Kaname)**

* * *

"Your fiancée's birthday should be on the next month right, my dear?" my darling mother, Juri, reminded me of that occasion as she picked up a tea cup before bringing the rim to her lips.

"Yes, dear mother," I replied with slight disinterest as I crossed my legs.

"So, what are you planning to give her as a gift?" she placed back the cup on a saucer while looking at me with high hopes.

Of course, she will be because it was her who chose Yuki to be my future wife since she always wanted to have a daughter like her. It was because of her fondness that she would always wanted me to give the girl the best among the rest. One day, I wouldn't be surprise if my mother presented her a chest full of gold and diamonds. If anything, that was how much she was fond of her future daughter-in-law.

"She wishes for me to play a piano on her birthday," I brought my own coffee mug and proceeded to take a sip of my espresso in attempt to entertain myself.

Today was Sunday and we were doing one of our family routines wherein we were to spend the entire morning in leisure or in tea time together. Hence, this was the only moment where I got to be with parents for a longer time, though it won't be as boring like now if my mother didn't brought up the topic about the upcoming occasion.

We were currently occupying our pergola which was built in the middle of our garden patio. Truthfully, this was one part of our mansion estate that I favored aside from my art room since this place was full of calmness too.

"And did you accept her request?" she asked me in a rather distant tone, her sitting posture becoming rigid.

As much as I desire to refuse Yuki, "I accepted but I don't know how to play a piano," I replied, trying not to look unpleased.

My mother was not heartless as she sounded, in fact she was a loving parent deep inside. It just that she was gradually misled by Yuki's sweet demeanor that she turned a blind eye on the girl's imperfections. In Juri's eyes, Yuki was a perfect and sweet lady.

"We can hire a musician to teach you on that instrument, son," my father, Haruka, joined the conversation with his eyes still glued on the morning newspaper. I looked away from both of them.

"Worry not, father. I already have someone to teach me on that," I said and he simply nodded in response. He was not a neglecting parent as he appears, he was actually a doting father if you may ask. The only problem was that he consistently and always let his lovely wife have her way on me.

"I hope it isn't a woman, my dear. I certainly wouldn't like it if you are seeing someone behind your fiancée's back. It is a disgrace for a man to cheat on his woman," my mother's eyebrows furrowed as she stared at me with her fingers interlacing together, uneasy.

Was this perhaps what they called a mother's intuition? It was quite a foreboding thing because their doubts were always never wrong.

"Trust me, mother, never in a lifetime would I think of having an affair with another woman." I chuckled inwardly after realizing that my mother was partially wrong on that one since it was, in fact, a man whom I was seeing behind my fiancée's back. Of course, she will undoubtedly go mad if she were to learn of my affair.

"You better be," she promised as she wiped her lips clean with a napkin cloth.

"By the way, mind if I know the name of this person who will teach you how to play the piano?" she questioned me as she flipped her curly hair off her shoulder.

"His name is Zero, I met him in my last gallery event. He's a good pianist if I say so myself and he's kind enough to tutor me for free," I explained and I found myself oddly delighted at the mere mention of his name.

He never failed to make me feel weird especially since there was still this strong pull his body had towards me, even when he was not here.

"He seems like a thoughtful gentleman and I'm glad you manage to be acquainted with him. It would be nice to meet him one of these days," Juri corresponded with her emerald eyes lighting in excitement. I simply nodded in silent, not noticing the candid smile I had in my lips.

Soon our family time ended a little prematurely because of the unforeseen arrival of my parents' close friend. His name was Sir Nagamichi, he was an Earl and he was also our family health doctor, working as a talented Physician in a renowned hospital. We waited for him in the foyer as he climbed out of his horse carriage. The man took off his coat and handed it to our maid before we welcomed him with open arms.

"It's a pleasure to see you again, Nagamichi. How are you?" my father greeted him with a handshake and so did I.

"I've been quite busy but I'm still doing great! It's a pleasure to see you all again and you're still as beautiful as ever, Mrs. Kuran," he planted a kiss on my mother's hand before turning his attention on the young man behind him. How come I didn't notice he had someone with him?

"Oh, Kaname, I would like you to meet my most trusted footman," he gestured the young man to introduce himself to me.

There, it made it known to me that he was the same height as I with both his hair and eyes in shade of brown. Most of all, he was quite good-looking but not as much as me. "This is Kaito Takamiya. He's also an artist like you."

The said man offered his hand to me and I took it politely. "Nice to meet you," he said.

"The pleasure is mine. I'm Kaname," I introduced myself back and I noticed that he possessed such a defined hand. What kind of artist was he?

I was searching my imagination for an answer but I was snapped from my trance when I heard my mother speak to me, "Could you please kindly keep him company for a little while, my dear?" she smiled and I heeded to her wish without question asked, "Yes, mother."

The adults soon made their way on the direction to the living room, leaving me behind with the footman. Why should I entertain myself with a servant? I grunted to myself as I remained silent just like the man in front of me however I must keep him company like what I promised.

"Perchance, would you see my art room?" I asked as I settled both my hands inside my pockets. He only nodded in silence. Not a talkative type of person, I supposed? Well, it was not like it mattered to me anyway. I turned on my heels and climbed on the grand staircase before advancing towards my sanctuary. He silently followed me from behind and neither the both of us utter a single word to one another. Though I rather be it this way because after all I found it least of my interest to be friends with him.

No reason. I just did.

"Here we are," I welcomed him after opening an oak door. Both of us immediately went inside and he proceeded to study the room with wonder as I watched him.

"Do you want a drink?" I asked he sent a nod as he continued studying all the things that resided in here.

On the other hand, I walked to a nearby wine cabinet before serving two Champagne flutes with an apple-made red wine. I saw this burgundy color again but instead of frowning on its alluring shade, I smiled since I was now fond of it because it made me think of Zero. That was right, I accepted the fact that I was so attracted to him but that was all there was to it, nothing more and nothing less. Besides I was already an engaged man so it will be impossible for me to feel something other than desire to another and let alone another man.

No way.

I brought the two Champagne glasses with me as I turned on my heels and walked towards Kaito. I saw him standing in the corner where my used canvases were paraded. However, as I motioned closer to him, I noticed his eyes were more centered on an specific canvas and I frowned knowing what painting he was looking at. Kaito remained focus on it as I came beside him.

"Here," I offered him the glass and he took it with his eyes never leaving the painting he found. There was no need to follow his stare because the painting he was looking at was the unfinished painting of Zero.

"Who is he?" he asked and I raised an eyebrow. He actually talks, but that wasn't what I was surprised about. Rather it was his question and his stare that was quite full of adoration towards it.

"No one," I replied as I drank my wine, feeling somewhat bitter.

Kaito looked at me dubiously but unfortunately I did not intend to tell him what he wanted to know, the bitterness in me was refusing to tell him anything about the gorgeous man on the painting. He stared back on my painting again but this time, his hand was reaching to it. He made a smooth trace on the surface of the image, admiring the man painted on the canvas and it made me grew more bitter as I watched his fingers touched the face especially on the way he do it, because it was like he was caressing a lover and I didn't like it.

In one fluid movement, I grabbed him by the arm and pulled his hand away from the painting of Zero.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, tauntingly, but I didn't let go of him. "Tell me, Kaname, why do you dislike me touching it?" he questioned. I stared at him though I decided to let go of my grip since I didn't want to raise suspicions from him. It was better to be careful than not. 1

"None of your concern," I replied intimidatingly but even so he was rather unperturbed.

He narrowed eyes at me and I could feel a little tension building in the space between us. "How much is this?" he inquired me and I frowned again. I didn't know what he was thinking but one thing I was sure was that, the mere thought of him touching it again was something I would never allow.

"I'm not selling it to you," I replied while narrowing my eyes the same way he did.

"Such a shame, I see." he countered as he drank his wine empty and returned the glass back to me before turning on his heel and making his way towards the door. But just as Kaito was about to retire himself from the room, he turned to me one last time and said. "It would be a pleasure to meet the man on the painting. I would love to embrace him and keep him all to myself."

"It was nice spending time with you, Kaname," and that was all he said as he left wallowing in my own bitterness.

The afternoon sunlight was glaring at me through the glass window of the Coach. I glared back at it as my thoughts dawdled on the man named Kaito, his words earlier made me furious. What did he mean by that? I knew I should bother myself by it since it was not like Zero and I were in loved with each other. In fact, if he were to meet and love someone else, I wouldn't stop him from doing so because still and after all, I was already and will still be committed to a woman.

But somehow, I couldn't get rid of the bitter feeling I had.

Anyway, I was now on my way to the place where I'll have my appointed piano lesson. I could feel the headache beginning to hurt on my temples upon remembering why I was doing this in the first place. I had the least of desire to learn any musical instruments and the piano was not an exemption. I really didn't possess a passion in music which made it a lot more difficult. Why can't my fiancée understand something as simple as that?

I dismissed the thought about her because just picturing her face inside my head was only increasing my headache further and making me furious more than seconds ago but on the other hand, a part of me was kind of grateful of her and her self-centered attitude.

It was because of her that I got to spend a lot of time alone with my secret lover and a rather long time at that, isn't it nice? I asked myself.

I felt my heart skipped a beat just imagining what else we might do aside from a simple piano lesson and I was already looking forward to it. Soon the horse carriage came to a stop and the horseman left his perch to open the door for me. From the moment I stepped out of the quarter, I was stunned upon seeing the place I just arrived at.

A children orphanage? I wondered if the address information was wrong.

However, it proved otherwise when a man appeared on the doorstep or should I say, a gorgeous man. He stood there in a blue dress shirt and black trousers. No matter what type of clothes he wore, he will always be stunning in my eyes. Maybe that was one of the reasons why I was so attracted to him, it was because of his handsomeness.

"It's good to see you again, Kaname." Zero hailed me with a smile.

"Same to you too, Zero," I smiled the same and walked to him before pulling him in a deep kiss that made both of us worship each other. I always loved kissing him and it was something I still cannot comprehend why.

"Please do tell me, why are we in an orphanage?" I asked after I parted our lips.

He didn't answer me instead he simply welcomed me in. The orphanage seemed a little old, the living room was only consisted of five large couches and a single rectangular wooden table with children's toys scattered everywhere. It honestly looked like a child's playground instead of a living room.

"This is where I first lived when I was young," Zero said and I was surprise at it. It wasn't because he grew up in such a place like this but it was the fact that he was sharing it to me.

"Oh, and how is that related to our piano lesson?" I asked, ignorant of the mood.

Zero simply grinned before grabbing me by the arm and tugging me to go upstairs with him which I did so. Before long, we reached one of the doors upstairs and he opened it for me. Inside, I saw a single furniture in the middle of the room and it was an upright wooden piano.

Was this perhaps the orphanage's music room?

"This is the first piano I played. It's special to me because it holds memories of my childhood days and considering that this is special, I want to teach you with this," he said.

"Why?" I asked, still ignorant. He looked at me before taking my hand in his and intertwining our fingers together.

"I want to create memories with you so that whenever I play this piano, I will remember you, Kaname." he told me his reason and I felt my heart skipped a beat again. How he still loved me unconditionally despite me not reciprocating his feelings was truly far beyond my understanding.

"I'm awed," were the words I only managed to speak. Honestly I didn't know what to say to him because talking about feelings of love was where I was completely insensible. Like what I said before, I had never been in love. He cocked his head to the side like he was trying to read my mind. Unfortunately he won't find a single thing inside it because I was good at hiding my thoughts and feelings away from someone's plain sight.

"There is something I want you to hear, Kaname," his expression softened and his lavender eyes glinted with sparks of affection in it, affection only for me.

He sat on the piano seat before gesturing me to take the side next to him and I did. He lifted the fallboard and I was surprised to see the piano keys still intact in spite of it being old. Zero must have been taking care of this musical instrument greatly because the insides still looked splendid like new.

"Is it the music piece you mentioned on the dinner, the one that you planned to play for someone special?" I asked, still and all, ignorant.

Though he merely smiled at me genuinely, "You'll see," he replied.

I was unsure of what to anticipate but nonetheless, I gave him a nod which he took as a cue to place his fingers keys before pressing his music note to life and I listened to it closely. This was the first time I get to see him playing up close because the last time he played, I was just one of his audiences and this was different since I was no longer a simple spectator rather I was now his lover.

The music piece started with soft tune and I silently watched his fingers dancing slowly but elegantly on the keys. The intro sounded in a little deep tunes and the thickness of it brought forth this heavy feeling in my chest thus making it beat quiet heavy than normal.

The music eventually turned romantic and the lovely melody gave me this gentle warmth throughout my body especially with its every high pitch sound that undoubtedly had me captivated. The things around me slowly disappeared and the gorgeous man's presence was the only thing that remained. It was like the world was only about the two of us.

Was this what he feels whenever he plays? I traced my eyes from his dancing fingers and landed them on his placid face. He looked like a peaceful angel from the heaven, his strands of blonde hair was swaying in his every move and I wanted nothing but to feel those soft strands brushing in my fingers.

He remained hushed as I continued to stare at him. He had his lavender eyes closed but I knew he could see the keys in his mind and I saw a kind of smile that made my own lips numbed. His lips that I always find delicious and kissable were so otherworldly beautiful in front of me. The tunes was making it passionate for me to want to kiss him and just imagining my lips on his made my heart leaped in joy from its place.

His kisses always tasted erotic so maybe that explained why I loved kissing him.

Zero continued to play his music full of sincerity in it wherein the harmony was ringing endlessly in my head and also vibrating into my heart. The wonderful song was peculiar because it made me feel special like I was the only one in his life and such sensation was making me feel something that not even my fiancée could make me feel. This music was somehow dedicated to me.

Then it took me awhile to realize that I was in fact that special someone whom he was referring to and he was now serenading me with a music piece he made. I could my heart swelling upon the thought of it, to think that he actually wrote a beautiful song just to play it for me.

I was starting to feel guilty all of a sudden.

It was not because I was having an affair with him or because I was seeing someone behind my fiancée's back, rather I was guilty because I have nothing to give to him in return. I can't give him the love and passion he wanted from me and I was guilty of that. He always showed me the purity of his love and now he made me see it by serenading me.

Love was, indeed, a mysterious thing.

The song finally ended impressively but instead of congratulating or complimenting him, I stayed speechless where not a single word could elaborate the special feeling I had.

"So did you like it?" Zero asked, eager to hear my thoughts.

"Yes," it was all I can say but it was all needed to brighten his already bright expression, "What did you name for this music piece?" I inquired him.

"Autumn Rose," he replied.

"Autumn Rose? It's a beautiful name," I complimented as I slowly regained my inner composure. Then in a brief moment, he closed the distance between us and brought his lips into mine. However instead of a passionate kiss, it was the one that was full of wonder in it. And there was it again, the skipping beat of my heart, so painfully sweet that it held me imprisoned in a cage.

Zero withdrew his lips before locking eyes with me, "I'm not a noble man like you, Kaname. I have nothing to offer to you but only my love," he said with his lavender eyes appearing more deep and intense than before.

Somehow my heart was increasing more in weight and it felt so burdensome in my chest. He was the only one capable of making me feel this weirdness in me and it was quite unnerving because I didn't know what kind of feelings these were.

Maybe this was part of my guilt?

That was right, that would be the appropriate reason. What if I pretend I cared for him too? Would it make this guilt go away? It was the only I can reciprocate his love for me wasn't it? I had to because this feeling will probably complicate more if I turned a blind eye to it.

"I like you too, Zero," I replied and I saw his grey eyes widened in surprise.

"Really?" he asked, not knowing if he should believe or not though it looked like he was believing it.

"Yes. I like you, Zero," I repeated. He pulled me in a longing embrace before pressing his lips again in mine. I could feel my lust igniting from within and I tried to hold it in place but the more he kissed me, the more it ended a naught.

I decided to respond more into the kiss, biting and tugging into them as I tightened my hold on his body and I moaned my desire in his mouth.

"I like you," I repeated again as I held his waist before pulling him on top of me with him soon straddling me. Both my hands began to snake its way under his dress shirt before undoing the buttons to unleashed the sinfulness of his body.

"I like you," I repeated for the last time before deepening our kiss and breaching his mouth with my hungry tongue.

I do like him but I don't love him, that I was sure of myself. I just wanted to give him what he deserved and it was not like it will hurt him if I did because after all, I won't be leading him on right?

* * *

Piano Song: Autumn Rose by Ernesto Cortazar

Dun dun dun dunnnnnn... And Kaito made an appearance! Woohoooo.

Warning, warning! More heart breaking scenes in the next chapters.

It will get better eventually so don't worry.

Azure Crystal Snow Storm, .59, ben4kevin, Love332, XtAG, My Devil Butler, ReiFa91 - Thanks for your reviews. You don't know how much I appreciate them.

See you next chapter!

Don't forget to R&R! :)


	8. His Gentle Touch (Kaname)

Everywhere he touches is fire.

My whole body is burning up, the two of us becoming twin points of the same bright white flame.

– Lauren Oliver

 **7\. His Gentle Touch (Kaname)**

* * *

The melody echoed beautifully in this room and it tingled on the touch of my fingers as I pressed them softly on the piano keys.

Emptiness was dwelling in my mind throughout the music with only my fingers moving animatedly along the harmony. I thought of nothing else and simply let my ears listened to the tunes. I continued to play until I pressed the last note I learned during the lesson. Breathing deeply, I turned my head to my gorgeous lover, Zero, who was standing beside the piano and who was giving me an innocent stare as he watched me play the music until the end.

"It's impressive," he commented but I glared at him.

"Is that a compliment?" I questioned him, a little annoyed. However, his lavender eyes just gleamed at me, full of humor. Was me playing nursery rhymes really that hilarious?

Today marked the second week of our piano lessons but so far, all he taught me since the first day aside from the key names were rhymes for children. And I won't put it in details even if someone dared to ask me because just thinking about it made my stomach boil in rage.

But I had no choice, do I? He was kind enough to teach me without fee and it would be rude of me to complain about his teaching methods, however it was still plain embarrassing. Zero chuckled as he looked at my defeated face, "It's the basic lesson in learning the piano instrument, Kaname."

"I suppose it is, this basics suit me so well that you probably find me ridiculous," I countered and he frowned at me.

I bit my lip, immediately regretting my attitude towards him, "I'm sorry, I'm just not really fond of music."

I watched his frown disappeared under a smile as he went behind me. I could feel his hands snaking from my shoulders and into my neck before he tilted my head gently upward. Holding my head in place, he pressed his soft lips and moved them perfectly with mine. His loud heartbeats was resonating against my body as I kissed him back and I began to wonder, how does it feel to love someone truly? Does love makes one's own heartbeat this profound?

"I love you Kaname," he murmured in our kiss. He always pointed out those sweet words to me that I already lost count on it. He never let a single day or a single hour and even a single moment passed by without declaring his love for me, and of course my chest tightened every time he do it.

Zero was really completely different from Yuki.

Unlike her who would ask first for something before telling me she loved me, Zero never asked for anything else. He was giving me all his love and all of him without asking anything from me in return. He was a selfless person which made it all the more easier for me to feel the guilt. It was because I was selfishly taking him for granted and I knew that well, still I couldn't stop myself from being selfish.

"I hope you will teach me something more significant today?" I asked, wishful.

"I do but is there something you mind to play?" he responded.

I looked at the music pamphlet on the piano rack and said, "Perchance, something splendid? I think something that will be perfect for Yuki," however, after I said it, I saw his fingers flinched on the piano keys. I was guilty again as soon as I mentioned her name.

I wanted to say sorry and do something to make up for what I did but Zero simply shook his head, silently telling me that it wasn't such a bother. Though I knew better and I could see the hurt in his grey eyes, kindling the bitterness I had for myself. How could I say her name to him? It was utterly unkind.

Because speaking of your fiancée's name right in the face of your other lover, no matter how you see it, it was plain cruelty.

"Moonlight Sonata is a good piece. It'll be perfect for her, I assure you," he smiled, a sad kind of smile.

It was one part of him that I could never bring myself to understand. How can he have such a big heart, big enough to always forgive me every time I hurt him? I hurt him more than once but, in spite all of that, he still had the heart to forgive me each time. Was his love for me really that great he has no room to hate me?

Love was always a mysterious thing to me.

"I want to play for you, Zero. The music you composed, I want to play it to you too so please teach me," I decided to do something for him, for once. I knew I can't love him back so this was the least I can do to make it up for his love.

"That's sweet of you, Kaname. Of course, I would be happy to. But can you please promise me that this song is only for the two of us?" he asked of me and I was confused. Was there a certain reason why he wanted me to keep this song a secret? Though nevertheless, I dismissed the thought anyway and did what he asked.

"Of course, I promise," I smiled.

He mirrored my smile and I felt my heart skipped a beat. The look he had in lavender eyes towards me was endearing, it was as if he was looking at the thing he cherished the most in his life. And It made me weak. He blinked and turned his attention to the sheet pamphlet, soon flipping through pages until he found it. I saw the music he wrote written in homorhythm and I frowned at it, barely understanding how to decipher the notes inside my head.

"It's not as complicated as it appears," Zero promised, "You don't lead the music, instead let the music leads you."

He grabbed both my hands and placed them on the smooth surface of the piano keys with his fingers interlacing with mine, "Feel the music with your touch–" he continued as he pressed my fingers on the keys, the melody starting to come into life.

The music was not in their perfect timing but I couldn't care less on that since all of I could care about, as of the moment, was the soft feeling of his touch. His delicate fingers that would meet and put pressure on mine brought me a sensation that I could never fathom with words. My skin burned and tingled from his gentle touch and my heart skipped a beat every time a tune sang, everything was getting weirder and weirder.

"–and feel the music with your heart," he added but I didn't heed on it because the warmth of his fingers against mine was sending pleasures down my spine.

"Are you listening, Kaname?" Zero asked and I made no response. He stopped both of our fingers from dancing and was about to let go but I held his hands in mine, "Don't let go," I whispered.

I lifted my eyes and looked at him as I brought his hands on my face, his fingers brushing against my skin. I stared at his silver pools and so did he to mine. Both of us remained staring at each for while. There was this tingling feeling again on my body, making me want more of his warmth.

I slowly descended his fingers on shirt and whispered, "Undress me."

Zero looked at me, uncertain but with a blush in his cheeks. He looked like he wanted to finish our lesson first but later on, decided to heed on my desire and I sent him an assuring smile that everything will be alright.

I wanted him and he wanted me. Indeed, it was alright.

I let go of his hands and he proceeded to start unfastening my shirt buttons. He was biting his lower lip as he began. I could feel the cold air against my muscles as they came into sight. Lust building underneath my pants after he went to disrobe me of my clothes. Though I stopped him when he was about to do my pant.

"Not yet," I whispered and brushed my thumb on his lips, as if silently asking him to do something and I made it known, "Will you?"

He looked clueless at first but he eventually figured it what my request was and it made him shudder in his desires. If anything, I wanted his mouth on mine.

Zero left the seat and went to kneel before me, tracing his fingers on my belt like he was embarrassed to unbuckle them. I smiled at his hopelessness hence I proceeded to undo my pants and I watched him watch me slowly removing them for him to admire the wonder underneath them. I saw his pupils dilated when I finally showed him all of me. I waited for him to fulfil my need and I didn't wait any longer when his head leaned down in between my legs and took all of my manhood in his mouth.

I moaned at the sensation of his hot tongue licking the tip and at the sensation of his lips pressing around me. Lust was clouding my sanity and my whole body was scorching in need. My breathing soon became laboured as he took me whole in his mouth again and again, twirled his tongue around the shaft and bringing the tip to the back of his throat which had me floating in ecstasy.

I tugged my fingers on his silver hair, guiding him since I was now nearing my limit, "I'm going, Zero," I panted and moaned until I was able to release.

I looked at Zero as he swallowed my essence without wasting a single drop. Lifting his head up to meet my eyes, he smiled at me lustfully and it was all it took for me to pull him closer and connect my lips to his delicious ones, ultimately tasting my own essence which I found rather bitterly sweet.

"It was perfect," I grinned in his lips.

He quivered upon my words and I was even more aroused of him. "Undress yourself, Zero." I asked of him again and this time he didn't seem embarrassed about, rather just a little shy.

He stood up from the floor and I scooted in the seat to face him, resting my lower back against the piano. He remained standing stiffly and shyly in front of me as he began to strip himself. My eyes observed him solicitously and I almost spasm when his hands went on his collar, playing with the lining before he started undoing his buttons in a motion so painfully slow. I was growing avid when his little pectorals were coming to my sight. He slipped the shirt off his shoulder and let it drop on the floor. I moaned at the sight of his lustful body.

His nipples were begging me to ravish them and his skin was calling out to me. I listened to his breathing as they became dissonant along with mine. He grew rigid before since he knew what he'll be stripping off next. I smiled at him and ushered him to continue in which he did so, sensually. I could feel my length twitching the moment his fingers reached on his pants' waistline. I closed my eyes and eagerly waited for the sound of belt unbuckling and clothes rustling, imagining them sliding off his long legs.

And I was hard just by the thought of it.

I opened my eyes and there he stood before me finally nude for me to admire. Of course, I took the time to look every inch of his sensual body, painting the image of him forever in my mind.

"Come here." I commanded.

Zero took small steps towards me, torturing me on purpose. I groaned and quickly pulled him into my lap desperately. I bit into his skin as I spread his legs open.

"I need you," I whispered as I aligned my length into his entrance.

He took his time straddling me on the piano seat while I rubbed his entrance with my wet fingers, making them soft for me to enter. Holding onto his legs, I began to lower him gently with the tip immediately penetrating his walls. He dug his nails on my shoulders as I inched my way inside him. He was crying out low and his legs were trembling on my grip as I entered him fully. I stopped for the meantime to let him adjust to it.

"I love you, Kaname," he murmured before kissing me and he wrapped his arms around my neck as he relished on the feeling of me being inside him.

"I like you, Zero," were the words I only chose to say.

There was this guilt again but it faded upon the fulfilling pleasure that followed. It engulfed my body in a burning embrace and I wanted nothing but to surrender to it. I tightened the grip I had on his legs and slowly lifted him up, leaving only the tip of me inside. I kissed him passionately and I took the distraction to quickly thrust him back down on my length, making him cry out and convulsing against me.

I began to quicken my pace and he held onto me for support with his legs clinging around my waist and with his hands clutching onto the piano keyboard behind me for balance as he also began to ride me fervidly. I planted my mouth on his nipples while I steady the pace of my every thrust and not even the conflicting piano sounds his fingers made involuntarily could disturb my fast movements as I sated my desire for him.

Beads of sweat was crawling down my temples but Zero wiped it clean for me before leaning his perspired forehead against mine. His hot breath was filling my nose and his entrance wall tightening around me, it was such a carnal pleasure and I wanted myself to be the only one to feel it.

"I'm yours, Kaname, only yours." he whispered, as if he knew what I was thinking.

But neither my heart skip a beat nor swell upon his loving words, instead something a heartbeat slammed loudly against my chest. Thump. I grimaced and I wanted to know what that was but Zero crying out my name as he released, urged me to forget it. He tightened his walls around me and it was all it took to bring me to my ultimate limit. I thrust and thrust until my body shuddered its release inside him.

And I moaned his name while doing so.

I sighed, sated, while he buried his head on my shoulder with his legs now limping around my waist. "Zero?" I wanted to know if he was okay but he didn't respond and I frowned at his silence.

"Did I hurt you?"

He only shook his head in silent denial before going back in another silence. We remained in such position for a couple of minutes until I finally felt him move against me. He lifted his head up and looked straight to the eyes. I was about to ask if he was okay when he captured my lips in a kiss so sweet it was surreal.

He let go afterwards and asked in a whisper, "I wonder, how long will you keep touching me like this, Kaname?" It caught me off guard because I didn't know what to say.

"I know that one day this will come to an end and you'll be married to her. When that day comes, please tell me so I'll let go, even if it kills me," he continued with a smile so sad it was upsetting me. I couldn't say anything but could only feel this dull ache inside my heart.

"I'll let go but I will always love you, Kaname."

The time passed by so fast and my fiancée's birthday was already tomorrow. It will be a big event but I was already disappointed just thinking about it, because I knew that I'll be keeping her company throughout the entire evening and I bet she'll do anything to keep my attention only on her.

I scowled to myself at the mere thought of her and her close acquaintances with their nonsense gossip here and there. I dismissed my thoughts immediately and went to entertain myself with a nice wine. I grabbed a glass and filled it half-full with my eyes lingering on the red color, deliberately lightening up my mood. I placed down the champagne on the bar counter and there I saw the sheet pamphlet that was laying still.

I remembered, Zero lent it to me because it had the song that I'll be serenading for Yuki. It was Moonlight Sonata which he suggested however that was not what I had in my head right now, rather I was thinking of him dressed in a suit.

Indeed, he was invited too since he was part of the household but knowing that I'll be seeing him again was all I need to be excited. I guessed the party won't be boring especially when he will be there, and also because he will finally get to see me play the music piece he taught me so well for months.

I smiled to myself and flipped through the pages before pausing upon the familiar homorythm notes. It was the one he composed for me and the one I had promised to play only for him – Autumn Rose. I truly liked the name since I was fond of flowers, especially roses.

Placing the sheet back on the counter, I recalled in my mind the memories of our intimate days. I recalled the feeling of my hands cruising on Zero's soft skin and the feeling of my lips trailing kisses on both his chest and thighs with him moaning my name countless times. So basically and likewise, I wanted him more and more, it was riling me up inside.

I touched my lips, gradually missing his kisses. "Zero," I whispered.

I shook my growing desire away and went to finish my wine in struggle to get mind back on its place since it'll be a trouble if my desires gets to me the next day since Yuki will, no doubt, misunderstood it as desires for her.

I didn't want her to think that I was in need of her. For aught I knew, not in a slightest chance.

"Kaname my dear?" I heard my darling mother Juri called to me from the door. I spun around to see her standing there in her pink nightgown and I inquired, "Is something wrong, dear mother?"

"Don't stay up too late since we'll leave early in the morning to buy beautiful birthday gifts for your fiancée. By the way, is your music ready?" she questioned as she walked to me, yawning through her lips.

"Yes, mother. I'll be playing the piece Moonlight Sonata since it's perfect for her," I replied and showed her the sheet pamphlet from the bar counter before putting down the glass I was holding.

"It's perfect. But I fear this will not do good, you need something more special," she refuted me and went to turn the pages until she stopped on a specific page and I frowned deeply at it.

"How about this piece, Autumn Rose? It seems wonderful. I would like you to play this instead," she continued.

However, I tried to change her mind since I already promised Zero that it will be only for the two us and no one else, "Is there something else I could play beside that?"

"Why, my dear? Should there be any reason why you don't want to play this?" my mother questioned me, growing suspicious which I found troubling because it was not part of my plan to let her know that I was indeed having an affair with someone and especially with another man. I didn't want to risk anything more so I decided to just heed to it and simply sighed in defeat.

"No, mother. Of course, I would love to play it for her tomorrow," I replied as the guilt gripped my heart tightly.

* * *

Lalalalala.. The plot thickens.

My Devil Butler - Kaname's eyes are red-wine. I really got confused in the earlier chapter whether it should be chocolate brown or red. Hahaha. Sorry for the confusion. I've corrected everything that needs to be corrected. And I guess Kaname's acknowledge his feelings a bit on this chap. :)

Azure Crystal Snow Storm Azure Crystal Snow Storm - Sorry, no MPREG. Ain't Kaito amazing? Hahaha. You'll have conflicting emotions in the chapters to come. Possibly more hatred towards Kaname. Haha

dardar1 - All the more reason for you to read it :)

R&R please!

I love y'all!

Here's a cookie. :)


	9. His Promise (Zero)

"Don't make promises that you can't keep."

– Elizabeth Hoyt

 **8\. His Promise (Zero)**

* * *

"Don't you want a lady with you, Mr. Kiryu?"

A beautiful Baroness solicited with interest as she and her friends waited for me to ask one of them to be my lady for the night. The ball hadn't even started and I was already being preyed upon by the female guests. However, unbeknownst to them, I didn't find it a pleasure to be accompanied by a woman. After all, I always liked the presence of men since I first knew.

"I'm afraid to say that I prefer to be alone, for now," I replied with a smile, not crushing their hopes but not giving enough too.

"Please do excuse me," I freed myself from their lustful eyes and went to the east side of the room, passing by a gathering of nobles. The high sconce on the wall hailed me in and I graciously pressed my back against the concrete.

The grand ballroom of the Cross estate mansion immediately assaulted my sight. Inhaling a deep breath, the cool scent of the night invaded my body and spread chills inside. It must be dark now outside since the crystal chandeliers on the ceiling was appearing brighter than an hour ago.

The giggling noises of women gossiping and the sweet-nothing words from gentlemen filled the air around the ball, overwhelming the calming melody of the classical orchestra which was playing on the other end as the conductor continued to steer the music into his command whereas the attention of the people were directed elsewhere.

Colorful gowns wore by the women were creating many rainbow reflections on the marble floor, fashioning the already quaint atmosphere picturesque. I proceeded to cross my arms to my chest and merely allowed myself to be at ease with my mind drifting away from realism.

Today was Lady Yuuki's birthday and I was obliged to attend as part of the Cross' household but instead of celebrating with delight, here I was spending my time alone, quite depressingly. It was all because of a fine reason that tonight she'll be in her ripe age to be married.

Indeed, she will finally be able to marry Kaname, the man we both loved.

Pang of ache punched me square in the chest at the mere thought of it. However the saddest part was the fact that I can't help but have this little hope in me. This little hope that there might be a one in a million chance that he'll choose me over her even though I knew that it was simply close to impossible. I tried to persuade myself to stop hoping for it but my foolish heart just refused to listen. Such a silly tale, I swore.

"But it's not silly of me to hope for something right?" I questioned to no one as I bit my tongue in grief.

Besides, he himself said that he liked me so that was enough promise that there was a possibility in the future, a thin possibility, that he'll return this love I had for him. I could feel an ember of hope tethering in my heart tightly as a sad smile formed in my lips. I was about to dismiss myself when the hairs on my skin suddenly stood, sensing someone's eyes focusing on me.

I guided my eyes through the countless figures ahead, searching the other pair of eyes that was looking at me and there I saw a young man standing on the same posture as I on the opposite side of the ballroom.

The distance gave me difficulty from assessing his facial features other than messy hair in shade of ash-brown and his habiliment which was a black lounge suit similar to mine. But the only thing that enticed me of him was how handsome he was even from afar. I looked away, hoping to not be attracted to some stranger.

Was there a need to stare at me? I frowned, deciding not to ponder into it but to my own surprise, I found myself looking back again at the man. He caught me looking at him and he smiled. Before I could react, the loud applause rang into my ears and I was instantly drew to the source of excitement. Turning my head, there I saw the man I deeply loved dressed in a gray English suit and looking more charming than I remembered.

My heart raced a thousand miles when Kaname turned to my direction as he walked through the entrance door. There was a blissful joy comprising me that I failed to notice the tight smile he had.

I was happy to see him until I saw the one walking beside him, marching like a princess. She was the luminary of this event and his fiancée, Yuuki Cross. Her red gown whirling with gracefully into her derriere.

They both made their way towards the orchestra and my heart promptly leaped in delight the moment he stepped closer to a grand piano among the other instruments. He was finally going to play the music I taught him and it almost made me dance in rejoice knowing that I was about to see his progresses in performing a piano.

It made me happy too because seeing him play a piano will bring me the memories of the time we spent together in those days, passionate days if I might add. I dropped both my arms on my side as I joined the smiling crowd. I wanted to see him closer.

Kaname sat in a straight posture as he lifted up the fallboard, taking a deep nervous breath upon seeing the untouched keyboard. He seemed restless about something but I simply chuckled since it was kind of amusing to see a noble like him seeming uptight. I thought that he might not be used being the center of these many attentions.

Before he could start on his music piece, he turned his head to my direction and confusingly sent me an apologetic smile. What was he sorry for?

He retreated his smile and went to brush his fingers on the smooth piano keys before pressing on the first note. The small happiness I had faded from my lips, my heart losing its own beat the second I heard the rest of the music he had started playing.

It was Autumn Rose.

The same song I composed for him, the same song I serenaded for him and the very same song he promised to play only for me but now he was serenading it to his woman. The familiar melody didn't sound so sweet and beautiful like what I had made it to be rather it sounded so plain but bitter enough to cut painful slit on the walls of my heart.

The euphony was no longer producing a soothing feeling in me like before however instead, it brought this burning feeling in my heart and in my eyes. Tiny dew of tears escaped them and a silent cry was all that slipped past my parted lips.

He broke his promise. He broke my heart, yet again.

That understanding itself slapped me in the face and somehow I felt pathetic for holding onto his promise. I should have known that he'll never play that song to me just like how he'll never love me back. But despite that, it was my fault for believing, for wanting something that will never be granted to me.

I wanted to be angry at him but I couldn't bring myself to. I loved him so much to hate him. The music continued on like an endless record of painful sounds and it was killing me further deep inside.

I simply closed my eyes, surrendering myself to the denial that Kaname wasn't the one playing the piano however the bitter tunes was proving me wrong, that until it disappeared from the air and something warm pressed on both sides of my head.

Huh?

I reached to feel the foreign sensation and upon my touch, it dawned in me that it was someone else's hands. A pair of gentle hands was covering my ears, stopping me from hearing the rest of the music piece. I didn't try to free myself from the hold because the lingering ache inside my heart made me vulnerable against the kindness of the hands.

Then I felt the hands pulled my body back and someone's beating chest pushed me from behind. Somehow, it seemed broad compare to my built. Broad? A woman surely doesn't possess such a broad chest so that meant it was a man whom I was hampered to. Whoever this man behind me was no doubt a kind gentleman, kind enough to save me from the pain.

* * *

Author's Note:

Hello everyone. Who might that gentleman be? Any guess? Hahaha.

Your thoughts please…

I'm so excited to post the next chapter. I can't sleep so I might post another chapter.

A treat for y'all.

Should I do it daily? Haha

Reviews please! :)


	10. His First Love (Kaname)

"You know you're in love the moment you can touch the stars without reaching."

– Melisa M. Hamling

 **9\. His First Love (Kaname)**

* * *

The sound of people's shoes walking on the asphalt of the street and the noise of horses stomping as they rode by was making the town sound so busy in the late afternoon. The cold gust of wind blew against my thick clothing and encased my body in a chilling embrace.

"I'll have a spice and a flour, please?" Zero stated to the food merchant.

The public marketplace near the Town Square appeared just as I imagined it to be. The roadsides were both occupied by market stalls in different shades of grey which sheltered assorted produce of merchandises, such as food and clothes. Merchants were flaunting their goods to all people who passed by, hoping to gain interest from the rich although the young newspaper boy nearby was doing better than them just by shouting the day's news since a lot of gossip mongers seemed to be fascinated so easily.

Why was a noble like me doing here in the first place? I asked myself. Well, on contrite, I did promise Zero that I'll be accountable after being such a difficult lover to him. But I wouldn't be shopping with him in a less slummy part of the town because it was such a commoner's place, however I decided against my pride and prejudices about it. More so, looking to my side, I was met with the sight of the man whom my dear mother appointed to servitude, though I knew it was about keeping a close eye on my personal affairs.

Kaito Takamiya. The man's name alone was already my bitterness.

I pressed my lips in a tight line as I saw him looking at Zero, who was busy buying ingredients for his family dinner which I guessed was something of unrefined for my taste. Nevertheless, I would be dishonest if I said that I didn't like the kind of look Kaito was giving to him. Jealousy was just a quintessence among my other feelings right now and the mere reason behind it was anything still surprisingly unknown to me. Kaito caught me looking at him quite unkindly and with a smirk he said, "I wonder greatly why a noble is attending in the middle of a humble public market. But if it's unpleasant to your liking, young sir, then I'll be all happy to take good care of him on your behalf."

It was like he was challenging me to some game I was unsure of, still I made no step to back off. "You are so haughty and I compliment you not," I replied, mirroring the smirk he had.

Chuckling, he turned away and looked at Zero again, "So I'm always told."

This was one of the things that I started to dislike about him, he was so arrogant for a servant and for some reason I was losing to him because I knew that he already knew what was going on between Zero and I. He could tell anyone any time he wanted and I feared it deeply. For I was bound to uphold my family's eminence and intended to be married to the only daughter of a peer so I could inherit the title after he renounced it. To become a Marquess was my purpose in life and it would promise my paintings more fame than anything else. I will never lose it over something little as an affair.

"I don't fear my mother's trust on you," I made it clear to him as I glared daggers his way. "Oh please, I heard all too many lies and yours the most pitiful I consider. If you really don't fear, then do tell how do you want me to say it to her later?" he countered, his words making me frown.

However, I said nothing else in defeat.

Our tension was immediately interrupted by Zero who was now done buying the ingredients. He held a full wicker shopping basket in his hand as he came to me. I wanted to look anything but defeated in front of him, hence I hid a grin when a thought came into me. Without saying a word, I took the basket from his hold before shoving it to my footman.

"Please do carry this. I will be happy to remind my mother that you are doing a great help on our part, yes?" I chuckled under my breath. Passing the basket to him, he glared my way in return as he accepted it without a single protest much to my amusement and his chagrin. He still should learn his place, whether he had me dancing in his palms or not.

Zero stared, looking bothered that he had someone else carrying things for him but I sent him a smile to assure him, "He is the man for the job. So, is there something else you need of?" I asked afterwards. I disliked having him being concerned to Kaito. I wanted his attention only to me. He smiled candidly before tucking his hands inside his coat pocket and responded, "Yes, there is a store I want to see in the Town Square."

He began to walk ahead with both Kaito and I trailing behind him.

The Town Square was less crowded and spacious compare to that of the marketplace with the crystal clear shop windows shining radiant against the setting sun . People were going in and out of a glorious cathedral of Notre Dame across the distance as its bell chimed for another night mass. Truthfully, I have never been to a place like this and I never thought it was this lively, or should I comment, more lively than the grand plaza.

"Here we are," Zero called and I turned my attention to the store he pointed at. La Pittura Boutique was what registered to me. Now why would he want to go to such a painting shop? I frowned from curiosity but still followed him as he entered the shop, with Kaito staying behind outside.

Paintings fluctuating from first class to mediocre ones were hanged and flaunted on each wall for everyone to see and there were also unused canvases paraded in one corner, varying from small to large ones. "How may I help you?" an old man welcomed us and eyed me from head to toe with a pleasant smile on his face, evidently thrilled to have a noble customer.

"I'm here to take the item I booked the other day," Zero replied with enthusiasm.

"Oh that I presume? That would be 43 gold sterlings in total," the old man said and my eyes bulged in absolute astonishment. That was an expensive sum of money! What on good earth is he buying? As soon as the shop merchant turned his back to us, I pulled Zero by the arm in haste to get his attention.

"What are you buying, Zero?" I pressed a question on him but he simply smiled at me.

"You'll see," was all he replied. That phrase again.

This was the second time he spoke those words and when he said it, it really meant of something I'm probably entitled with but never worthy of. I didn't like it because it stirred emotions in me, just like the time he serenaded me with his special music piece. It confused me with feelings I barely understand and it made me unrest. The old man came back with a white wooden craft case. He handed him the item and Zero paid the sum in return. My focus lingered on the specific case he was holding and it continued to confuse me more as to what was inside of it, although I snapped from my trance when I saw my lover handing the box to me.

"I bought this for you. See it for yourself, Kaname." he said with his lavender eyes gleaming with excitement and joy. I drew my lips in a tight line like I was unsure of what he was ecstatic about, nonetheless I still did what he wanted me to do, thus I opened the case.

I was rendered speechless at the sight I bestowed my eyes upon. It was a beautiful painting set with brand new tools included inside, such as pencils, paintbrushes and oil paints. He bought these materials and paid quite a price just for me? Thankful words didn't build. All I did was merely staring at the case with uncertainness. Was this real? Happiness and joy battled inside my heart and I couldn't help but be stunned at his surprise for me. Nobody gave me a surprise gift other than my parents and not even my fiancée so I didn't know how to react back at him especially since he gave me something that I have passion for.

"I'm appeased you like it. It's all yours." Zero claimed with sincerity in his words. How kind this person can be? I was supposed to make it up to him for my mistake but instead he was the one making it up to me. Now I felt guilty even more for hurting him more than before.

"Uh, I can recompense you back." Great heavens, why did I said that? It sounded like I was making up for denying him after our first passionate night. I was so caught up on my emotions that my mind was in great turbulence. He was the only one who was capable of making me feel like this and it confused me like always.

He tilted his head to the side with a loving smile slowly forming in his lips and he replied, "No you don't have to pay for it. Like I said it's all yours." I felt my heart skipped a beat at that to which I inhaled a deep breath and comprised my inner self back successfully before finally mustering the words I needed to say to him. "Thank you. I really appreciate it," I stated in a calm tone before continuing in inquiry, "May I know the reason why do this for me?"

Zero looked at me silently for a while before turning his eyes on the ordinary painting in front of him.

"This is the place where I first fell in love with you," he uttered in a low but warm tone, "I was young of the age sixteen when I stumbled at this store. It was a busy day and this store was full of customers but that didn't matter. It was then when I saw your first painting, Kaname. It was the image of your mother Juri but that wasn't the one that enraptured me, rather it was about the way you painted her. The painting was filled with love, passion and adoration. I was awe at how you paint her so perfectly. It was the most beautiful painting I had ever seen. I knew by then that whoever painted her, I admire him."

"Since then I always go here to see your paintings and soon I learned of your name. Kaname Kuran. My admiration for you grew stronger and stronger but it change when I finally saw you at your first gallery display three years ago. It was in a small museum right? I sneak in when I learned that the soon famous Kaname Kuran was there. And upon seeing you, I knew I fell in love at first sight. Hence I was so overjoyed when I received an offer to play a piano music piece at the last exhibit because I knew that we will finally meet and it did. Our first meeting meant so much to me." he imparted in honesty that had my heart skipped a beat again. He had loved me even before we met?

How should I impart my feelings? I was beyond the boundaries of bewilderment. Now it made it more difficult for me to understand his love because it seemed so deep, so deep that I can't be au fait with. It was becoming deeper and deeper the more I tried to look inside. And the skipping beat inside my chest wasn't helping. "Oh," I tried my noblest self to say something decent to him but the words failed to build again.

Guilt simultaneously clouded my mind with my chest tightening at the same time. Somehow I regretted telling him that I like him when in truth I was only pretending. I used the excuse which I like him like he liked me so I could give him what he deserve when in fact, I was only doing it to ease my guilt. I was doing it for my own benefit because this guilt was burdening me.

I was giving him false happiness.

"Thank you." was all I could speak as my eyes dropped down on my feet in defeat. I can't look him straight since the honesty in him was stabbing me with guilt a million times.

"You're welcome," he said in a genuine voice but it sounded so bitter that my ears hurt. This guilt was affecting me more than usual and I didn't like it. He turned on his heels before dismissing himself from the shop. I stood there for a while in effort to put my emotions in check because letting myself be vulnerable was the last thing I wanted. Soon after, I followed after him when I was done doing so.

As soon as I stepped out of the shop, the sight of Kaito and Zero conversing with one another came into my line of vision and, as always, jealousy fueled in me like harsh fire especially when I saw his hand came on my lover's shoulder, seeming so physically closer than necessary.

And I hated it.

I motioned towards my footman before shoving him the wooden craft case I was carrying, my eyes narrowing more than I should. "Be careful of it because it cost more than you can conceive of," I accosted however Kaito showed no intimidation from me. Instead, raising an eyebrow, he accosted back, "I dread your dear mother might be worried since it's certainly getting dark, young sir. Fear not for I can accompany Mr. Kiryu back to his home."

I glared at him then looked up at the sky above me and I can see the thick clouds darkening as time lengthened by. It was already dusk and it was not within my plans to remain outside late but I was having a second thought since I haven't done anything hitherto to settle it with my lover. I groaned, wanting to do something to ease my guilt and with the intention of not letting the day go by without doing what I promised him. Though, unfortunately, I didn't know how so, forlorn of my own ineptness, I turned my attention to Zero and said, "I haven't made it up to you yet."

He stared at me through the eyes to search an assurance in there and I supposed he did. I really wanted to make it up to him so he smiled tenderly before grabbing a hold of my hand and tugging me along with him. "Then let's make it memorable as much as possible!" He claimed in incitement and I let him be without a protest.

Not too long, we were in front of a splendid water fountain. There was a monument far in the distant but it was nothing compared to this cascading fantastic built. Anyway, I can't fathom why would he choose this place? Lest again, he was surprising me too much in just a single day.

Zero reached something inside his coat pocket before handing whatever it was to my empty palm. It was a round and solid object. Looking at it, it recorded in me that it was a silver coin. But what did he want me to do with it?

"Is there something I should do with this?" I asked, perplexed. He chuckled at my ignorance at first before explaining me things I have no knowledge of.

"You make a wish with this coin and then you toss it in the fountain to make it come true," he muttered to me and I raised an eyebrow at him. He seriously believed in such things?

"Wishes don't come true out of the blue, Zero. Believe me even miracles don't exists." I said, logically biased, but he remained smiling at me despite my disbelief.

"Just make a wish, Kaname, and believe me it does come true however,I presage you to be careful on what you wish for. So you just close your eyes then make a silent wish before tossing it in the water. It's simple as that and it won't hurt trust me." he insisted and I merely let out a sigh in defeat.

It was like he said, it won't do me harm making such a foolish wish. On the other hand, it will pleased him and I'll be able to make it up to him. Besides I got nothing to lose even if I made a wish for I aught I knew that it will never come true in this lifetime.

Might as well wish something impossible I guessed? Hence, with that thought in mind, I gripped my hand firmly before closing my eyes shut in silence. The sound of water endlessly flowing occupied my ears but it wasn't enough to distract me from making a wish.

I wish to fall in love.

I took a deep breath before opening my eyelids in a slow pace. My grip loosened and without further ado, I tossed the coin up in the air then I watched it fall along the gravity and into the water fountain in an instant. I let out a contented sigh as the water surface rippled. Now I finally made it up to him.

However, in some unfortunate omen, cold heavy rain poured all over the place and it didn't take even a minute to make me drenched in my own garments. Really? A rain wasn't something I wished for. I groaned in annoyance and looked over to the side to see Kaito already inside the same shop I had been to, clearly sheltering himself from the downpour. But before I could walk away and do the same thing to shelter myself from the rain, I suddenly felt something warm held my hand. I paused and turned to see Zero still standing besides me but now holding my hand mutely. He interlaced them together and it baffled me because I didn't know what was going on inside his mind.

"What did you wished for, Kaname?" he questioned but I shook my head, refusing to tell him. Trust me, I will not tell him something as embarrassing as that beside it wasn't going to come true anyway so why bother to inform him?

"You, did you wish something before?" I asked him the same in hope that he'll discard his curiosity but then it became my turn to be intrigue when I saw him nodded his head. "And what did you wished for?" I promptly asked in interest despite me not believing in such things.

His cheeks blushed scarlet and I saw him bit his lower lip. He angled his head a little higher to behold the soul in my eyes to which I did the same, marveling at the rain drops that falling down his beautiful face.

"I wish to go back to this fountain with you by my side and I'm happy that it did," he smiled and I felt his fingers locking in mine. "I love you, Kaname. I love you so much."

Then I began to hear a thumping sounds and something started to beat fast inside me. It was beating loud, hard and animatedly. It continued to pound inside me like it wanted to break free. I balled my other hand into fist in attempt to calm this unfathomable sensation but I couldn't. It continued to slam hard inside my chest and all my effort to ignore such feeling were all unsuccessful. The passionate emotion inside those lavender pools of his was only worsening my dilemma.

Nevertheless, it all disappeared when I was drifting slowly away from thoughts and realizing a pressing his lips against my own. The touch of his lips burned mine and it brought my body in a bliss that I haven't felt on the numerous times I kissed him before. It sent shivers down my spine and it also sent both my mind and body in an elated state than I never accustomed before. He deepened the kiss and my heart took the opportunity to slam even harder in my chest. The freezing heavy rain was ever so abetting because it further gave chills in my skin and the only warmth that I could find was Zero's lips. I didn't know they were so warm.

What had I been thinking all those times that I kissed him?

I pulled him into an embrace to deepen the kiss even more and no longer minding the heavy rain that was showering us alone in this plaza and beside the mysterious fountain. Everything faded from my senses and all I could sense was his lips that held mine captive in a fervent kiss. Everything was getting inimitable and was beyond my comprehension but there was one thing I surely understood without a doubt.

This was the first time I kissed him without lust in me.

* * *

AN:

I'll do daily updates or twice in a day if the number of words in one chapter is less than 2000.

Azure Crystal Snow Storm - We all want Zero to be happy in the end right?

My Devil Butler - Well, I hate Yuuki. In the manga as well as in the anime. Hahaha. Such a b*tch.

Love332 - I love KanamexZero pairing too. It just feel like it's meant to be. But we'll see. And you got it right! The man who covered his ears was Kaito. Oh sweet little Kaito..

Dardar1 - Yeah. Kaito's the best, yes?

Tadaaaaaah! Another update. Hahaha.

See you guys in the next chapter!

And oh, thank you so much for your reviews! Long, and short, I love them all!

Please let me know if something confuses you.

R&R! :)


	11. His Rainbow Colors (Kaname)

"Love was a feeling completely bound up with color, like thousands of rainbows superimposed one on top of the other."

– Paulo Coelho

 **10\. His Rainbow Colors (Kaname)**

* * *

"What do you think?" I questioned as I turned on my seat, my eyes wandering towards the man behind me. "It's beautiful, Kaname. You did a splendid job," Zero replied.

In front of us stood my painting easel and on its frame was the completed painting of Zero himself, the painting that I had left unfinished after our first passionate night. Others would wonder for sure why I finished this after such a long time. Although even I didn't know why. It just came to me but I paid no further attention to it because in one way or another, it did grant me the opportunity to spend time with him again. Zero spun on his heels and I noticed him put his dress shirt on.

"You're leaving already?" I asked, somehow silently hoping that he'll stay a little while longer with me. Honestly what was happening to me?

Zero frowned at me in confusion but still smiled softly, "Well I am but if you want me to stay, then I'll stay." Upon his answer, my heart leaped in delight. The mere thought of me being with him for a longer time brought me unimaginable happiness. So, smiling at him in return, I responded, "Then please stay."

What should I do to keep him preoccupied? I concurred as I looked around the room in a chance to find something that could entertain him so he won't think of ending our time too soon. Then I remembered the painting equipment he bought for me as a surprise gift. Surely, this will be a perfect opportunity to put those things to good use.

"Do you want me to teach you how to paint?" I asked of him and his eyes widened.

"I don't know how to paint, Kaname," he reasoned but instead of convincing me, it bode me promising chances to be closer to him more than I would do before. Besides, he taught me how to play the piano so I owe him conversely.

"I know that's why I'm going to teach you. Now come and sit here." I summoned him on my seat in eagerness.

He seemed hesitant for a moment but soon gave up trying to change my mind. I stood up before miming him to take the empty seat. I removed the used canvas from the easel frame before placing a clean one. I was getting excited, I knew as the beating sensation in my chest remained the same like it had been since we left the Town Square a week before. It had been erratic especially when I waited for us to meet again. I couldn't point out if missing was an appropriate meaning to describe my feelings from the days I was not with him. He was everything I thought of and it was maddening me.

More so, even now, he was all I want to think of as my heart hammered in me in a ridiculous pace.

"You're going to let me use that?" my gorgeous lover Zero asked in incredulity as he sighted me holding the wooden craft case, I chuckled in response. "Of course, what else do you think?" I teased him in a charming way while I handed him the case as he sighed in defeat. He took it from my hold however he didn't open it right away. Instead he simply sat in front of me without a word slipping from his lips.

Sooner than later, he inquired, "What do I draw?" To which I found him too adorable.

He was so endearing for his own good. There I felt my heart raced ahead of me again but I dismissed it as I searched my mind for an idea, a simplest idea for him to picture in his thoughts and of course for him to paint easily.

"How about you draw an apple?" I said him to which his face fumed at, then he replied in half-hearted annoyance, "Are you perchance trying to embarrass me, Kaname?"

"Do I? It's not like you can paint me shirtless too, Zero." I reasoned. He groaned as he tried to search himself for a better idea than drawing an apple but against better judgement, he can't think of any that can be drawn easily than that. I held back myself from laughing because it will upset him no doubt. To think I'll have my kind requite on him so soon, this will be what he gets for teaching me those children rhymes.

"Fine but promised me you won't laugh, yes?" he warranted of me and I nodded with crossed fingers behind me before moving behind him with his back pressed against my broad chest. My heart leaped upon our physical contact and it brought me a content feeling.

Zero opened the craft case and he picked up an oil brush which he dipped it inside the red oil paint. I snaked my hand from his shoulder and letting it slide on his arm until it reached his own hand. I grabbed them in a gentle grasp before guiding it to the neat canvas in front of us. He let my fingers interlaced with his as we both held onto the paintbrush and letting it dance on the smooth surface of the plain-woven fabric.

The strong smell of oil paint wasn't enough to overwhelm the lavender scent of his shampoo. I found my eyelids becoming heavy against the dominating heat of his body to which I gladly surrendered The serenity of his breathing, the cadence of his heartbeats and the pleasant sound of his humming were what filled me whole. Something flew around the inside of my stomach but I paid no concern to it. My free hand soon wrapped itself onto his torso and I thought I heard a soft moan escaped from him. He titled his head to the side and I found it a chance to descend my nose from the back of his ear and into the tender skin of his neck.

He continued drawing despite the distraction I was doing to him. Something was igniting in me but it was not lust or sexual desire like always. Instead it was a strong feeling that had me dreaming to hold him like this for eternity, and a strong feeling that had me desiring to always have him in my arms. I murmured something but unable to complete it. I didn't know what I intended to say to. I was not sure if it was the usual phrase of mine telling him I like him but somehow those words were not enough to define the immense sensation inside my heart.

To put it simply, I don't know what it was and I can't put it into words.

I wanted to be scared of this foreign emotions and certainly I wanted to ignore it. However why do I felt so happy like I wanted to jump from a tall mountain cliff with a smile in my face? I was feeling this endless gravity pulling me down to a free fall. Why do I felt like I was falling into something?

"Did you say something, Kaname?" Zero asked. Blinking my eyes open only to see him looking at me straight in the eyes, I could only simply do the same as those lavender pools had me spellbound. It was only then I fathomed that they were so beautiful, so beautiful that it brought me breathless.

I didn't know they were so beautiful. What had I been looking at, all this time?

However, no rational reason came to me in regards to all the changes I felt but only the pounding of the irrational heart inside me. Silence invaded the short distance in between us although it later faded when I bequeathed a glance at his drawing and just like that I broke into fanatical laughter. I buried my face to his shoulder in attempt to hold myself steady.

"Why are you laughing?" he doubted. Really? He didn't even know how his drawing looked like?

"Do you know what an apple is?" I inquired him, clutching onto my stomach in endeavor to contain my laugher from erupting more. He was really endearing for his own good.

"Yes I know what an apple is." He assumed to me with a growing irritation in him.

"Then please tell me why it looks like a crab without legs?" I pointed it out to him and he frowned.

"It's an apple, Kaname." he insisted.

"No it's a legless crab, Zero. An apple doesn't have that shape. Trust me even a child knows the difference between an apple and a crab." I explained to him while laughing on my feet and he flushed scarlet red upon comprehending the little fault he made in his drawing.

'It's because you're distracting me!" he cried. So now he blamed me?

I closed my eyes as I tried to calm the laughter in me but it was so funny that I can't help it however my laughter died when I felt a liquid sensation assaulted the side of my face. Another laughter erupted but it was mine. I turned to see my lover now laughing exactly the way I did half a minute ago. He was biting his hand in futile effort to cease himself from laughing and then I saw the paintbrush he was holding, it was dripping with blue paint color.

It was pretty obvious as I brought my fingers to the wet thing on my face and I looked on it to confirm that he really used that blue paint on me. He messed with me. I thought to myself with a grin and without further ado, I grabbed another clean paintbrush from the craft case before dipping it to a green paint to which I stained his nose this time. He was stunned and I laughed again.

Zero groaned in frustration although instead of dipping his brush in another color, he grabbed a glass jar full of yellow oil paint and without a second thought, he threw the paint all over my front shirt before running away from me like a madman caught red-handed. Nonetheless he was right to run from me for I didn't waste a second as I instantly grabbed the whole case before chasing after him around the room and throwing all the oil paints at him. He shouldn't have mess with me.

Little did I ought to know that we were still in fact inside my art room which meant that all my painting equipment were everywhere and of course he got that clear in his head since he was already holding a few used watercolor bottles in his hands which he obviously threw at my direction too. We kept on chasing and throwing colors at each other that I failed to notice my heart was also chasing the speed of our feet.

It was full of life and it was bouncing inside my chest.

I managed to catch up with him and before he see it coming, I tackled him to the solid floor and restrained him with my body weight. We were still laughing at one another that we didn't seem to notice that we were both in an awkward position. It took a couple of minutes for me to perceive our situation and I felt myself blushing. In embarrassment, I stood up faster than the clock.

He too stood up but oblivious to my reaction which it made it easier for me to appear unruffled from the discomfiture. Then it registered in my mind that both of our clothes and bodies were stained with oil paints. I easily found it in myself to refuse to let him leave my mansion looking like that.

"Do you need help cleaning the stains? I can lend you clothes too." I solicited to which he said, "Sure" as he nodded and I promptly gestured him to come with me to my bedroom. It didn't take too long for us to reach the room and I hastily paced to my bath suite to let out the blush I had been holding back from ago. Looking at my face in the mirror, I questioned myself on why in good gracious was I blushing?

It was not like it was the first time I had been on top of him.

I groaned and proceed to calm my weird inner self while preparing a ceramic basin full of lukewarm water and a dry fabric cloth. When I was done on my task, I carried the materials with me as I walked back to my bedroom and there I saw Zero already sitting on the edge of my bed. I picked a clean shirt from my closet before sitting next to him on the comfortable bed and ordering him to take his shirt off so I could begin to clean him. Damping the fabric cloth wet, I glanced back to Zero only to meet his gaze with mine. His face was stained with colorful rainbow paints but he still remained handsome and gorgeous. Indeed, he was my handsome and gorgeous lover.

He sat beside me shirtless however instead of being aroused like what would usually happened, I felt nothing but only this passionate pounding sensation inside my chest again. I held onto his arm and began to focus all my concentration in cleaning him, wiping the paint away from his cream skin with the placid silence haunting in between us where the pulse of our beating hearts being the only ones aloud in our ears.

"It's the first time I've seen you laugh that way earlier, Kaname," he commented to and I mentally concurred to his statement. Even I found it different for me to laugh like that but I couldn't deny that I had fun doing that with him. It was really fun spending time with him.

"And it's the first time I've seen you laugh too." I replied before turning to clean his beautiful face with a faint smile drawing in my lips.

We began staring at each other with no words to express and simply looking at the other deep in the eyes for a long moment and amidst it distracted me from cleaning his face thoroughly. He just stared at me while I kept on cleaning him and somehow it imprisoned me in my own intense passion, a passion to care for him and treasure him like this.

"It's your turn," he claimed as he gently took the fabric cloth from my hold to which I simply chuckled. Might as well let him clean me too cause I was too tired to take another bath and with that I disrobed myself of my stained shirt.

I heard his breath stopped as his eyes beheld and roamed the stunning built of my body but, to my pleasure, he merely shook his head and began to clean me. I wanted to chuckle upon understanding that he must have thought something perverse inside his head. He was really endearing. I thought to myself as he took my arm in him.

It was now my turn to stare at him while he kept on cleaning me and I smirked when he seemed to be distracted from how he tried not to look at me in the eyes. Soon he found no escape as he started to wipe my stained cheeks clean from dried paint and I took the initiative to stare at him much more. There was this strong feeling in me again and I still can't seem to put into words.

For some unknown reasons, my former fake affection for him now felt real? It was like I really do like him.

I continued to stare at him even when the wet fabric brushed against my lips. Zero stared too after taking in the intensity of my stare at him. It was full of affection and devotion for him, that I discovered, and I found myself not repudiating them like what was my betraying mind was telling me to do.

"I love you so much, Kaname," he said with an ever so loving smile in him that had my heart crossed an ocean. Of course, I opened my mouth to say something but, still and all, no words was freed. Zero just smiled at me like he knew I had something I need to say to him but unable to. But instead of insisting to know them, he just leaned forward to me before letting his soft lips meet mine. It didn't taste addicting and lustful like before rather they tasted divine and heavenly.

It was like he had the lips of an angel.

Before he could deepen our kiss, I did my part immediately and breached my tongue inside his mouth, exploring and tasting everything in it. He battled for dominance as I motioned closer to him with both my arms snaking to his sides and tracing on the long line of his spine. He moaned as I caressed him sensually and soon he wrapped his arms around my neck to bring me more closer to him. His lips moved in rhythm along with my own but I retreated mine first before pressing my forehead against his.

Zero stared at me in trance that he failed to notice my hands disappearing from his embrace and leaving his skin embodied in cold air. It was a minute later that he felt empty without them but I simply let out a smile full of sincerity. He eyed me in confusion as I trailed my fingers onto his collarbone and discreetly, I slipped a clean shirt to his shoulders and proceed to dressed him myself.

He fathomed the sudden annul of lust in between us and he seemed like he wanted to ask me about it but decided not to when I opened my mouth before him.

"I want us to get to know each other first, Zero." I reasoned while doing his shirt buttons one after another and he widened his eyes in surprise.

Of course who wouldn't be surprise hearing such sentence from me, me who didn't bother for things like that every time I slept with him? Truth to be told, even I find my own words an astonishment because it wasn't like me to be this gentle towards him especially because all I care about before was the fulfillment of my carnal desires.

But then again I felt no lust this time.

"You know like going to dinner and meeting your family." I added as I took the fabric cloth from his hand before placing it back in the ceramic basin.

"Are you sure, Kaname?" he asked me in both disbelief and suspicion.

"Yes. I want to bring you to a dinner and do other things like what normal lovers do." I imparted and I saw a bright smile beginning to draw in his lips. He was happy to hear it from me.

In this room, it reminded me of the worst mistake I did to him and that was the time I rejected him and denied what happened between us. A part of me wanted to correct that stupid mistake of mine so here I thought that I should be a man that wouldn't take him for granted anymore. In any case, if I wanted to sleep with him again, at least I wanted to earn it and not just take it selfishly.

"So will you give me the honor to bring you to a date?" I asked him and before I see it coming, he threw himself to me for a tight embrace.

"Of course! Of course you can." Zero cried in delight and it made me smile as I returned his embrace. Just seeing him this pleased was bringing me with immense joy that I could die happy right now. It felt like my heart was soaring across the heaven and gliding faster than a meteor. This moment was about me and him. No Yuuki and no Kaito. It was just the two of us.

For once, I finally acknowledged that I felt something real for him too.

* * *

Tadahhhh! :)

See, Kaname's not too bad. Just a slowpoke. Hahaha.

See y'all in the comments section!

I love you all!

R&R! :)


	12. His Charade (Kaname)

"It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight."

\- Vladimir Nabokov

 **11\. His Charade (Kaname)**

* * *

The tangerine color of maple leaves waltzing in the wind was the scenery that continued to play in my vision as I rode inside the horse carriage. It was already the beginning of autumn season and it will not be long before my family will go for an out-of-town retreat which will start from mid-autumn until the end of winter season. Just the mere thought of it was making me unhappy.

I don't know if I should be celebrating like I usually do because I knew that I will be obliged to go with my parents as per custom and because I knew too that I can't possibly bring Zero with me.

It brought me with a solemn feeling that was making me want to stay behind. I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Headache perhaps?" a male voice snapped me from my daze and I glanced to Kaito who was sitting in front of me and facing my direction.

I shrugged his presence especially my thoughts also and decided to focus my attention to the card catalogs in my grasp. These catalogs contain the name and address of various restaurants around the town.

I decided to bring Zero to a dinner later but then I still couldn't decide as to what place we will spend our first date. No doubt I must look pathetic right now since I was nervous about this evening dinner idea. Although it was not my first time since I've done it a lot with Yuuki.

It just that, knowing I'll be doing it with him makes me frantic to no end.

What if he didn't like any of these restaurants? What if our first date turns horrible? What if he becomes disappointed of me tonight? I groaned again to cease this anxiety in me.

Seriously why was I so anxious?

"You've been groaning for quite a while." I glanced back to my footman again. He was looking at me with a blank expression and arms crossed in his chest.

"None of your business." I replied bluntly as I put the catalogs inside my coat pocket.

The scenery outside the window was still that of tall maple trees with their fallen leaves dancing along the cool breeze.

It'll take another couple of minutes before we reach the Cross estate. It was my dear mother's request to me that I visit my fiancée and start courting her for real because our wedding was just a few hundred days away.

And the mere thought of it brought me with this solemn feeling again that makes me want to cancel our wedding. Something in my heart screamed to me to not marry my long time fiancée and be together with my other lover instead.

This feeling was so confusing and it did nothing but send my mind in turmoil.

I groaned for the third time. "I heard that your family will have an out-of-town vacation. Is this reason why you're not in a good mood?" his voice rang to my ears again however his statement was what trapped my attention.

"How did you know that?" I asked with a forlorn face albeit he simply raised an eyebrow at me.

"Of course I know about it. I am one of your household servants and it's not hard to know what goes on around the house especially about personal matters. Like yours if I might add." he explained and I narrowed my eyes upon mentioning my secret like it was not big of a deal.

"And what of it?" I immediately replied and I noticed his blank expression turning into a serious one.

"Then tell me, are you going to tell him that or are you simply leaving him behind?" he asked and I felt my shoulder stiffened hard. Well I haven't thought about telling Zero about that but surely I won't even think of doing the latter. Not a single chance.

"None of your business." I repeated and I heard him made a snort.

"What a fool." he murmured under his breath and I glared at him.

His attitude was something I can't bring myself to tolerate every time. In a brief moment, he was insensible and the next moment he loathes my gut especially when it concerns Zero. Nevertheless I didn't like it.

"You know I can't really understand you. Why do you hate me so much?" I inquired of him and he narrowed his eyes to me in return.

"I don't hate you. It's what you do to him that I hate about you." he stated in a calm tone which means that he wasn't lying to me in one bit. I felt the jealousy slowly rising in my chest.

"Why does it matter to you anyway?" I asked abruptly.

Kaito looked at me straight in the eyes for a long minute like he was thinking carefully on his words although it only made me uneasy for unknown reason.

Why does it bother me so much about his deep concern for my lover?

He let out a sigh. "Let just say I care about him... much more than you do." he claimed without a hint of dishonest in him which only fueled my jealousy in me.

He cares? It couldn't possibly mean he cared for Zero in a romantic way right?

Before I could think further on such thoughts, I felt the horse carriage stopped and I instantly peaked through the window next to me. Then I casted my sight upon the familiar mansion I had visited for a countless times. I decided to dismiss the topic between us.

The horseman left his perch before opening the door for me, and I stepped outside the quarters with my footman following after me.

"Good day, Sir. I'm sad to say that Sir Kaien and Lady Yuuki still haven't return from their trip. Do you wish to wait for them inside?" the head butler politely asked of me but I shook my head.

This was rather a good opportunity to be with my other lover again. I thought to myself.

"No I have something to do for the meantime. Could you bring those things in instead?" I replied as I pointed on the gift boxes inside the Coach.

Speaking if it, those were the gifts my darling mother bought just for Yuuki. Likewise I had told you to expect it coming and the nearing wedding day was just one of the reasons.

The butler bowed to me in silent response as he started ordering the maids to unload the gift boxes. On the other hand, I ordered Kaito to do the Samee too as to keep him preoccupied so I can be alone with Zero this time.

―

The autumn leaves were scattered around the soil ground as I paced closer and closer to the wooden horse shed that I presumed was the only place where Zero could be. I heard someone humming a melody as I was slowly nearing the said stable.

I walked around to the back and there I saw him cleansing the white mare in a warm bath.

He had his shirt sleeves folded up to his elbow as he held a sponge and soap in his hands. He still hadn't notice my presence as he continued washing the horse which was fine by me since it was quite amusing watching him sway his waist.

Unfortunately as much as I want to watch him, I need to talk to him. I cleared my throat loud enough for him to hear.

Zero turned his head to my direction right away and he immediately beamed a smile upon seeing it was me.

"I didn't know you're coming, Kaname." he claimed.

"Well it's just a surprise visit." I replied as I shifted much closer to him. "Can I talk to you for a moment." I asked in uneasy tone.

He cocked his head to the side as he tried to figure out what he will expect to hear from me although his curious look at me only made me more tense than necessary.

"Sure but only if you help me wash White Lily." he replied with a carefree tone. I didn't dare to refuse him since it might be a good idea to calm this anxiety in me.

"I would love to." I said and he didn't waste a second in handing me a sponge and a bucket of water.

The white mare was in her best behavior as I motioned closer to her. I was so cautious of the horse that I forgot to fold my sleeves. Hence when I dipped my hand in the bucket, it was too late to realize since my sleeve was already soaked.

And so does my brand new wristwatch much to my demise.

No need to say it out loud, because it was obviously my first time to wash a horse. I heard a laughter coming from my side and I saw my lover trying his best to hold his laughter.

"Why didn't you tell me this is your first time washing a horse?" he said in between his laugh and I glared at him.

No way will I say such thing. After all, was there even a man in my age out there who doesn't know how to do a single household chore? No but there was and that was me.

No need to mention it, because it was embarrassing for man to live like a princess if you may know.

"And you didn't even notice the bucket you're holding has a hole in it. Your trousers are also wet now." he added and by then I felt a liquid sensation around my inner thigh.

I looked down only to find that the water was leaking out of the bucket and dripping through my pants, and it pretty much looked like I wet myself.

I felt my face increased in heat. "You did this on purpose." I blamed him in hope to not shame myself further.

"I did not." he claimed and I caught a hint of a lie in his tone. So he really did.

He kept on laughing with his eyes closed which made it easier for me to scrub the wet sponge on his face and I did much to my enjoyment. I laughed.

I wrapped my free arm on him and I held him in a tight embrace as to restrain him while I continued scrubbing the sponge on his cheeks. He struggled only to fail but it didn't stop him from scrubbing his sponge to my face too.

My heart began to beat like a hammer pounding in my chest. Why does it feel different when I was with him?

Like I was transparent in front of him, no decent manners and no formalities, it was like I was me and not the perfect man everyone look up to - just the real me.

He snaked his hands to my sides after we stopped laughing. His face had soap in it but it didn't cease me from caressing him with my knuckles. I wiped his soft lips clean and like usual, something soar around my stomach.

"I love you, Kaname." he murmured and I took it as a cue to kiss him.

I gently pressed my lips to his and my heart soon raced in speed. It was like every touch and every movement of his lips against mine was enough to have my heart rise in the horizon. This feeling was getting stronger and stronger as time passes by.

He let go of my lips and I took the short moment to bring him to another embrace. No words were said but only the serene silence and the sound of our heartbeats.

He fit perfectly inside my arms and it made me feel complete.

I may not know this feelings for the meantime but there was only one thing I was sure of, and that was to always have him and this perfect sensation in me. Everything felt right and I didn't want to lose it.

Just the thought of it made my heart break for unknown reason.

"Me and my family will be gone for a long vacation this autumn season." I whispered to him and I felt him tensed upon my words. "I don't know when I'll be back." I added.

Zero tightened his embrace to me like he was silently pleading for me not to go. "But if you want me to stay then I'll stay." his tight embrace loosened and he looked at me in surprise.

"Are you sure? You'll do it for me?" he asked unsure but I only smiled.

"Yes. I promise to stay here." I replied and I saw a doubt spark in his lavender eyes.

He was having a second thought whether to believe me this time or not although I can't blame him since he had a right to be because I broke my first promise after all. But this time I won't. I'll do my best to keep my promises and not hurt him anymore.

I do care for him.

"Thank you." he said with a tender smile and he kissed me before letting go. "Is that all you want to talk about, Kaname?" he inquired and then I remembered our date later.

"No in fact there is something more important." I replied as I pulled out the card catalogs from my coat pocket before handing it to him.

"What's this?" he asked with confused eyes.

"Well..." I imparted in uptight tone. "...I don't know what restaurant you prefer so I thought it's better to ask you about it first." I continued while trying not to bite my lower lip. I heard him giggle.

"You need not concern for my preference, Kaname. Besides it'll be a perfect date for me since I have you and I can't ask for anything better when I already have the best." he claimed in honesty.

I felt my heart swell on his sincere statement to me.

"I'm glad to hear that but still I want you to choose, Zero. I want this to be special for you." I stated and he blushed scarlet in front of me.

"Fine if you insist." he bit his lower lip as he looked over the catalogs. It didn't take long for him to decide and in just a minute, he already handed me something.

"I choose this one. Meet me there tonight promise?" he said and I gripped the card along with his hand.

"Of course, I promise to meet you there." I kissed the back of his hand and he blushed beet red much to my amusement.

Sadly our precious time alone was disturbed when someone cleared their throat. Both Zero and I looked at the person standing not far away from us and we recognized that it was my footman Kaito. Since how long had he been there?

"Sir Kaien and his daughter is back and they're looking for you, Sir." he said the reason of his disturbance and I sighed upon hearing the return of my fiancée.

"Thanks." I replied in a disinterested tone before turning my attention back to my lover.

"So see you later tonight." I smiled and I kissed him in the lips for the last time as I put the card inside my coat pocket.

I didn't know why I did it, it just that I had the need to let Kaito know that Zero belongs to me. This possessiveness in me can be annoying once in a while.

―

"Where have you been, Kaname? And why are you wet?" my fiancée immediately inquired about my absence as soon as I got back to their mansion with my footman following behind.

"I'm with Mr. Kiryu because I helped him wash your horse, my Lady." I sighed in response.

"Is that so? I thought you're..." she replied with her voice fading at the end of her sentence although she dismissed it herself.

"My father invited you to our dinner tonight. The cooks are already preparing your favorite dish, Kaname." she added while watching me dried my face with my handkerchief.

"I'm afraid to say I cannot attend it. I have an important matter to do." I replied as gentle as possible for her to understand however it doesn't seem to work because she had a frown in her face much to my chagrin.

"Is it more important than me?" Yuuki asked and I felt my shoulder stiffened.

Her brown eyes looked sharp than usual and I didn't like it since it means that she was being suspicious of me which I didn't expect to happen as of this moment of time. "Well?" she added.

"I think I should change my clothes first, my Lady. It's indecent of me to talk to you in this appearance." I used an excuse in endeavor to escape her inquisitive.

I didn't even wait for her permission as I strode up their elegant staircase and towards one of the guest bedroom since I knew that there will be spare clothes inside. It was part of their hospitality to let their guest feel a lot welcome.

It didn't take me a minute for me to reach a guest bedroom. I disrobed myself of my coat before tossing it to the bed, and then I went to pick a clean shirt and trousers of my size from a wardrobe. 1

However before I could even step inside the bathroom, I heard the door creaking open and I turned only see Yuuki's presence.

She didn't bother intruding my privacy which could only mean that she didn't want to dismiss our conversation earlier. I can already feel a foreboding sensation building in my chest. She can be pretty scary at times.

Why was I even engaged to this woman?

"Are you having an affair behind my back, Kaname?" she asked and I felt my heart tense. There was no way she could discover my secret right?

"Why do you say so?" I tried to avoid the topic while using my usual charade of being a faithful gentleman to her.

"It's because you're cold to me. You didn't visit me for a while now and when you're already here, you are refusing our invitation for a dinner, Kaname. It's like you're refusing to spend time with me." she explained herself and I hid a grimace.

"You know that's absurd, my Lady. I'll never have another woman besides you." I replied with a sigh.

I turned my back to her and proceed to enter the bathroom to have a change of clothes.

As soon as I was done, I came back to the bedroom only to find Yuuki staring at the catalog that Zero chose for our date half an hour ago. Then I remembered leaving my coat in the bed and forgetting the fact that I had the catalog inside its pocket.

What a fool I was!

"Is this perhaps the reason why you're refusing me?" she turned to look at me with disappointed eyes which further ignited the tension in me.

"I knew it! You're having an affair, Kaname! You're going on a date with your woman right!? Shame on you!" she screamed at me as she threw the catalog to the marble floor before stomping on it like it was a trash.

I felt furious but I held back because it would only prove her doubt.

"It's not what you think." I grabbed her shoulders in attempt to calm her down albeit she only struggled. "I don't have another woman other than you okay? I'm telling the truth." I voiced out my reason.

"Then prove it to me! Prove it by staying here and have dinner with me instead. If not, I'm going to speak to your mother. I mean it." she hissed at me and I tried myself not to groan.

It will be a huge problem if she speaks to my dear mother about it. She wouldn't like it if she learned that I made her future daughter-in-law mad like this and if they became suspicious of me, then it wouldn't be a surprise if they decided to have an early vacation.

And I'll be forced to come along which I certainly did not like because I had promised Zero that I will stay. Nonetheless it doesn't solve my current problem.

I also had promised to meet him tonight.

I was torn between keeping my promise and breaking it so I could stay during vacation. Why does everything have to be so hard?

"So!?" her infuriated tone had me drifted away from my trance. I tried to think for a better solution but unfortunately I couldn't think of anything much to my dismay.

I lowered my head in hesitation before deciding to do what I thought would be the best choice and I could already feel the guilt eating me alive from the inside.

"Sure I'll stay for you, my Lady." I claimed with a disguise smile despite the heavy sensation inside my chest. I do hope Zero will forgive me again this time.

I do hope so.

"I'm happy to hear that." Yuuki soon calmed down and returned to her usual kind demeanor. "Now come. It's not good to be late to our dinner yes?" she added and she began tugging on my arm as we walked out of the bedroom.

My footman was standing idle outside the room and my fiancée ordered him to pick up my dirty clothes which he did without question ask although he first looked at me with a glare that only I could notice.

He entered straight away after us before retrieving my clothes like he was asked to.

My fiancée then continued tugging me towards the corridor with her that I failed to see Kaito picking up the catalog from the floor and putting it inside his pocket.

* * *

Annnnnnnd the bitch is back. Hahaha

Irmina: Thank you so much for the reviews! I really appreciate them!

Love332: Yeah, he's never been in love before. Please forgive our dear Kaname.

My Devil Butler: You'll hate her more. Hahaha

Dardar: We'll see about that :)

Azure Crystal Storm: It's like the calm before the storm ayt? Hahaha

Love, love, love you all. I went out last night so I wasn't able to post it.

Anyway, here's the chapter. I hope you enjoyed reading, as much as I loved writing it.

See you next chapter!

R&R! :)


	13. His Stolen Kiss (Zero)

**Chapter 12: His Stolen Kiss**

"I won't ever hurt you, even though you're always hurting me."

– Anon

* * *

 **Zero Kiryu**

My heart was thrashing itself inside me as I waited eagerly for the arrival of my lover. I casted my sight on my cheap wristwatch and I found that I made it here an hour early than the appointed time but I gave no care about it.

This was our first date and I didn't want to be late.

Through the glass window from my left side, I could see the blue shade of sky turning into Mahogany color. The people were still seen walking in the streets with countless outdoor post starting to come into light. I must say, it was past late afternoon. I turned my head to my right side, and there I observed the place I chose. It was not a first-class restaurant like the previous one where I had dinner with Kaname and Yuuki. Rather it was just a simple dining place but it had certain uniqueness in it. Instead of elegant chandeliers, antique sconces were on all walls and it was illuminating the Adam style interior of this place. The decorations were that of nature paintings which gave off a tranquil feeling in the room. The cuisines were not expensive but they were as delectable as the high-class foods that nobles eat every day. Hence were the reasons why I chose this place instead of the popular ones.

"Can I take your order, Sir?" a waiter appeared beside me.

"Not for the meantime. I'm waiting for someone." I replied and he nodded his head in understanding.

He left my table and I took the opportunity to check my appearance. Just the same vent suit I wore from the previous dinner but I tried my best to look different as to impress Kaname. I added an ornament in my vent jacket and it was a bronze brooch in the shape of a hummingbird.

People believe that the charm of a hummingbird was a guide to happiness.

And I certainly believe it because I was happy. I was happy because this date made me feel that there was a chance for Kaname to be in love with me and the mere thought of it made me overjoyed so much I could smile forever.

The sound of a door creaking open snapped me from my reverie but I retreated right away upon seeing that it was not the person I was waiting for. I looked again on my wristwatch and I perceived that it was almost close to the appointed time.

I squirmed nervously on my seat with my hands clutching together on top of the dinner table. Speaking of it, I was glad to say that I occupied the best table in this restaurant. There was an unlit candle light and a flower vase on top of the table, thus making it perfect and romantic.

The table was near the window much to my satisfaction and it doesn't catch attention from the other customers.

It was a private spot for lovers.

I grabbed a table d'hote to distract my anxiety and I scanned over the menu of food being served today. Then it reminded me that I didn't know what Kaname's favorite dish was. This will be a good opportunity for us to get to know each other. And I desire to know all about him.

What color does he likes? Do we have the same interest other than our opposite talent? I wonder if there was something he likes about me.

A giggle rang to me ears and I shifted my eyes to the table not too distant from me, there I saw a couple holding hands on top of the table. I wonder if I could get to hold his hand like that. Surely it would feel nice.

I smiled to myself.

It had been an hour and still no sign of him but then I kept waiting.

Sometimes I would jolt a little from my seat whenever the entrance door opened, and my feet would tap endlessly once in a while like it want me to leave and go home but I denied. He promised to meet me and I was holding onto his words.

He will meet me because I saw an assurance in his red-wine eyes that he will keep his words this time.

"Is there something you would like to order?" the male waiter came back.

I would be lying if I said I was not feeling anything. That was right, I was hungry and I was thirsty. I didn't eat before I left my house in a hurry.

"A cup of tea will do." I said and the waiter left. He came back again after a minute with the tea I asked for.

I brought the rim to my lips and proceeded to take a little sip of the warm tea. Somehow it calmed me more and gave me strength to continue waiting for the love of my life.

Another hour had passed and I can already see the bright moon in the middle of the dark sky. Not a single star was present as due to the large thick clouds floating across the heaven thus letting the moon all alone in there.

And strange enough, I could feel the loneliness in it.

People were starting to look at my direction since I'd been here by myself for more than two hours and some of them would look at me with pity.

They probably thought that my date will never come but unfortunately he will. Kaname will come and I will wait for him no matter how many hours it will take. I will wait for him.

I ordered another cup of tea and it was already my fourth cup tonight. My stomach was beginning to grumble because of hunger but I paid no heed. I didn't want to start my dinner without him because it will be rude. This date was for the two of us.

And it won't start unless both of us were present.

I jolted for the hundredth time when the door opened but this time, instead of sitting back on my seat and resume on waiting for my lover, it surprised me to see the person who came. My legs stiffened upon recognizing the man, it was Kaito.

He surveyed the dining place in search for someone and he paused when he found me looking right back at him. He smiled although it didn't help me wonder as to why he was here.

He paced towards me with the smile still in him but I merely stared at him confounded.

"It's a pleasant to see you here, Zero." he greeted me and I nodded in silent response. Before I could sit back again on my seat, I saw him offering his hand to me and it confused me.

"I'm here to take you home." he added and it confused me even more.

―

"What are talking about, Kaito?" I asked him with a forlorn expression.

He withdrew his hand and I noticed his smile disappearing from his lips which only made me uneasy to no end. He inhaled a deep breath like he was unsure of what to say to me.

Or should I say, he knows what to say but he doesn't know how to say it to me. Nonetheless he gave up trying when I heard him sighed.

"Kaname wouldn't come tonight. He... he is having a dinner with his fiancée." he explained to me and I felt something crushed my heart painfully.

"You're making fun of me right?" I chuckled at the absurdity of his statement though it proved me wrong when I saw the honesty deep in his hazel eyes. I stopped chuckling.

Silence invaded the space between us and it only added more pain in me.

My legs trembled like its begging me to walk out of this restaurant and go home but I fought my urge and decided to stay here thus I sat back on my seat without saying a single word to the man in front of me.

"You're going to stay and still wait for him?" he inquired and he hit right on the mark. I simply nodded in response.

He hesitated for a moment though he let me anyway be before taking the empty seat across me, the seat that was meant for Kaname. The painful ache was still lingering inside my chest and it was tormenting me.

"Why keep waiting for him when you already know that he won't come?" he continued and I bit my lower lip in endeavor to hold back myself from crying.

"Because he promised me, and I love him. That's enough reason." I replied as I called the waiter to order another cup of tea again. I wouldn't mind waiting for an eternity because that was how much I love him truly.

Call me a fool but this was my true feelings. I was a fool in love with Kaname.

The waiter motioned to my table again but this time he smiled seeing that there was another person sitting with me. He must have mistaken Kaito for the person I was waiting for since who knows how long. Indeed I lost track of time.

"Can I have another cup of tea please?" I asked again albeit before he could walk away, the man sitting across me called to his attention.

"Can I have an À la carte? Thank you." he ordered and I looked at him in disbelief. After the waiter left our table, I decided to ask him the reason why he didn't leave even after hearing my answer.

"What are you doing and why are you still here?" I stared at him in puzzlement but he simply smiled.

"I'm waiting for you to stop waiting for him." he imparted in sincerity. I furrowed my eyebrows upon hearing his statement. He must be joking right?

"You know there's no way I'll stop waiting for him. You're wasting your time." I replied in a cold tone in attempt to make him leave but it deemed useless when I saw the determination in his eyes.

The determination to keep his words and it was something I haven't seen once from Kaname.

"Then I'll just keep waiting until then." Kaito claimed as he unfolded a table napkin cloth before placing it neat on his lap. I groaned in defeat.

The waiter came back with his dish and my fifth cup of tea. Both of us were silent during our meal and sometimes I could catch him glancing at me as he ate his steak.

But I would look away and stare at the scenery outside.

The same silence goes on after his meal and for another couple of hours until I sensed the last customer leaving the restaurant but I didn't falter.

Even if I was the only one left, it won't cease me from still waiting for him.

The staffs were done cleaning the place and I noticed an old man in suit pacing to our table. He must be the owner and I frowned knowing what he would say because it was pretty obvious that it was already closing time.

"We're closed now, Sir." the owner said however I didn't respond or stand up from my seat. I can be quite stubborn from time to time.

Kaito pinched the bridge of his nose like he already knows what my choice would be but what he did later on didn't fail to surprise me even more.

He pulled out his wallet before taking out his money, quite a sum if I might add.

"Here's the money for the bill and here's for the inconveniences. Could we stay here for a little longer. I'll add more if it's not sufficient." he said as he handed the money to the old man.

The owner hesitated for a moment though he agreed in the end, "No this is enough." he assured us before departing to the entrance door and leaving the two of us alone.

The dining place was now dark and not a single sconce was left open. The midnight cold breeze outside was causing fog on the surface of the window glass thus making it blurry or it might be because of the tears trying to escape from my eyes.

The gloomy silence in this restaurant was only torturing me further.

But that wasn't the saddest part of all.

Rather the fact that deep inside I already know it was futile to wait for the man who promised to be here with me, the obvious fact that he broke his promise for the second time in which I can't bring my heart to accept. And the fact that he hurt me again this time.

However despite all of it, I was still holding on.

I was still hopelessly holding on to this unrequited love that was slowly killing me inside.

Then suddenly a bright light appeared in front of me and there I realized the unlit candle earlier was now lit. Kaito put down a matchbox on the table and I immediately knew it was him who lit up the candle. However out of the blue, he held my hand in his much to my surprise.

"No one is here anymore but me. You can cry now, Zero." he murmured and then I felt droplets of tears starting to escape my lavender eyes.

All of a sudden I became vulnerable and fragile because of his words therefore without further ado; I broke down in front of this man who was able to see right through me. I held and gripped into his hand like it was my only lifeline.

And it eased me a little when I felt him gripped my hand in return.

I leaned down on top of the table with my forehead resting against my other arm in endeavor to calm

my anguish self. The agony of my breaking heart was too unbearable for me since I didn't know if Kaname would break his other promise. Oh please don't.

My heart will die if he left me.

Uncertainty was consuming me whole that I found myself becoming desperate and anxious. What if he really left me? What if he doesn't come back? Please don't let it happen. It will kill me to see him leave.

I remained crying helplessly for a long time that I didn't notice it was almost sunrise. I've waited for him until morning but he didn't come. Unfortunately my heart was still waiting for him.

Still waiting aimlessly for him to come and comfort me instead of someone else.

I lost the energy to cry anymore so I simply let out hiccups from then on until my eyelids became very heavy that I couldn't refuse it. Soon I let my body surrender to its weakness and I quietly waited for myself to drift into sleep.

Nevertheless I was able to feel someone's arms gently wrapping around me before carrying me bridal style. I was so tired and exhausted that I didn't bother to deny this person's kindness.

"If only I am the one you're waiting for... then you wouldn't be suffering this way." were the words I heard last before the darkness devoured my mind.

***―

The comfortable softness beneath me felt so tender against my tired body. Then the sound of children playing outside woke me from my dreamless slumber and a bright ray of sunlight from the window was what first greeted my still drowsy eyes.

I turned around in hope to avoid the blinding sunlight, but then unfamiliar furniture instantly registered in me. This was not neither my room nor any room from the orphanage. I thought to myself.

The sound of a wooden door creaking open snapped me from my trance and I turned around again only to see the same man I've been with last night.

"Oh, good afternoon. Are you hungry?" Kaito imparted as he paced towards me with a tray of food in his hold.

"Afternoon? And where am I?" I asked as I rubbed the corner of my eyes clean from pixie dust.

He chuckled. "It's already past noon, Zero, and you're in my room. You fell asleep earlier but then I didn't know where you live so that left me no option except my house." he explained.

I nodded in understanding as he placed the tray on top of my lap. He prepared a warm bowl of oat cereal, fresh baked bread and a hot cocoa. My stomach immediately grumbled at the sight of delicious meal in front of me and I hid a blush.

Kaito simply chuckled at the loud sound my tummy made.

Out of embarrassment, I didn't think twice on starting my first meal for the day. It took me only a short five minutes in finishing my food and my famished stomach finally calmed down.

"Thank you. It's a good meal." I complimented him.

He removed the tray from my lap and I took the opportunity to get up from the bed, however he seemed to notice my action that he didn't waste any second in stopping me.

"Where are you going? You still need to rest." concern and sincerity was in his tone as he stared at me.

I shook my head in denial, "I need to see and talk to Kaname." I replied and I heard him groaned in return.

"You want to go to him after what he done to you? You're going to forgive him again?" He claimed while gritting his teeth together in irritation. And it didn't help when he saw me nodded.

"Are you stupid?" He retorted and it somewhat pissed me off.

"Yes I'm stupid! Too stupid for my own good but can you blame me? It shouldn't matter to you what I do." I retorted back but then instead of letting me leave again, he stopped me for the second time.1

Kaito grabbed a hold of my hands before pushing me back on the bed again with him hovering on top of me and his hands restraining my wrists together above my head. I hissed in annoyance.

Although just before I could struggle from his hold, I didn't notice his face getting closer and closer to mine and without knowing it – he pressed his lips on my own.

My hands and legs stiffened upon realizing what he did. I tried to move an inch but my whole body seemed to have paralyzed itself on its own and the shock of being kissed by another might have caused that.

Then it dawned in me that I was kissing another man.

In impulsiveness, I accidentally bit his lower lip harshly that it bled a little. I paid no attention to his wounded lip because I couldn't bring myself to believe what he just did to me.

He kissed me.

He stole a kiss from me. Then I suddenly felt horrible and guilty for letting myself be kissed by someone else other than Kaname.

"Forgive me for calling you stupid. It just infuriated me to know that you still love him and you will forgive him. You deserve so much better, Zero." his sharp tone softened and he glanced down to me with compassionate ebony eyes.

"I love you." he claimed and my eyes widened in surprise.

"It was a simple infatuation at first I admit. But then I started to fall in love with you and it always pained me every time I see the sadness in your beautiful eyes." he murmured as he planted a kiss on both my eyelashes.

"I can care for you more than he does. I can cherish you more than he can. It doesn't feel right to see you being taken for granted by someone who deserves nothing from you." he continued as he kissed my forehead before tracing his lips to my nose.

Kaito looked at me deep in the eyes and I noticed him leaning down again with his lips an inch apart from mine thus making my heart ceased itself from beating.

But he didn't continue much to my delight.

"I love you, Zero, and I can love you more than he could love you. I love you more than this." he claimed as he let go of my hands. He stood up to his feet before picking up the tray and motioning towards the door.

I inhaled a deep breath while trying to process everything in my mind.

"I don't love you." I said to him and he stopped in his track. This must be done because it useless for him to love me when I was in love with someone.

He simply smiled at me affectionately.

"Then I'll just have to make you fall in love with me," he declared as he licked the blood from his lower lip before turning his back again to me.

With that he left the room.

I let out a deep sigh as I placed my hand on my chest and still trying to understand the situation I was in.

Then it reminded me that I was still wearing all my clothes. It eased me to know that nothing happen during my sleep.

A solid object touched my fingers and I noticed the ornament charm was still pinned in my vent jacket, happiness huh? I wonder if the hummingbird was not meant for me.

* * *

I'm gonna hide from y'all! Hahaha  
Please don't forget to R&R!

:)


	14. His Lullaby

**Chapter 13: His Lullaby**

"Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back."

– Plato

* * *

 **Kaname Kuran**

I looked at the small paper in my hand to check if this was the place I was looking for and it proved right after I confirmed the same exact words in the paper. Such a nice name was what I thought to myself.

It had a two-stories built in it with walls painted in peach color although the shade was starting to fade itself and it was quite obvious that it was just a cheap paint. The wooden roof bore no holes but the age can be seen as clear as day.

The same applies to the doors and windows. It was just an ordinary tavern.

Indeed the place was that of a tavern but I never knew Zero lives in such a place. Well I thought his place would be in a rental inn or a small house somewhere in a poor street so I certainly didn't expect to come in front of an establishment meant for travelers.

I shook my head to shoo away the thoughts and proceeded to enter the said place. The hall had a Dutch architecture design in the inside. Adult and young men drinking and laughing in high spirits were everywhere within my sight.

Lively was the perfect word to describe the atmosphere.

In the east corner was a group of musicians performing a loud and rowdy beat which made me wonder if I was living in the present era because the place seemed like a pirate's chamber expect none of the guests wore a pirate hat.

I felt the door hit a bell and the chiming sound echoed across the dining hall thus gaining all the attention of the people inside.

I hid a grimace.

They all had a shock expression in them before they started murmuring to one another. Of course even a clueless child would be surprise to see a rich nobleman inside a place like this and dressed in an elegant suit that aristocrats wore when going to a first-class gentlemen's pub.

I ignored their stares as I paced towards the bar counter in endeavor to talk with the owner or someone who might be acquainted to Zero.

"If you're here to buy an imported drink, then you're in a wrong bar, child."

A man in his early forties said while smoking a tobacco. He was almost a pirate himself since he had a black eye patch in his right eye only with his clothes that of a western cowboy's such as his brown hat that stood out the most. He had weird choice of clothing.

"I'm looking for Zero Kiryu." I replied and he narrowed his blue eyes at me.

"What do you need of my boy?" he inquired and I raised an eyebrow. Boy? Was this person perhaps his father?

"I'm his foster dad." he immediately added like knew what I was thinking and there I remembered that Zero said he grew up in an orphanage. That made sense I guess. As I was about to introduce myself as a friend of his son, the man interrupted me.

"I know you, you're his lover right?" he put off his tobacco in nearby ashtray with his bitter eyes not leaving mine. I held back a gulp.

Then again he gave me no room for argument or denial. "Zero told me and that boy is quite smitten to you. Not that I object however if you hurt him, I'll kill you, child." he explained with tone in deep octave.

"The name is Yagari Toga. I'm a wild bear hunter and I know how to use a gun." he offered his hand as he introduced himself with a hint of death threat under his friendly tone.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Toga." nonetheless I managed to remain calm in front of him all along before taking his hand for a handshake.

"He's still out since yesterday. His room is the last one on the right." Yagari imparted to me before leaving and resuming on his bar keeping duty. So he was letting me intrude on someone's personal room? Had he not suspect that I might steal?

Not that I will steal anything but I guess he wanted to see if I was so he could shoot me just like he said. I simply sighed.

―

The sound of clock ticking sang like a siren in this silent room and the loud noise of people chattering resonated on the wooden floor beneath my leather shoes. It made me frown on the mere thought of Zero being unable to sleep well because of the disturbance downstairs.

Speaking of my lover, it was said that he wasn't back since yesterday?

I groaned and frustrated of myself for not coming to our date last night. Oh right I came here in hope to apologize to him. Although somehow I was starting to have a second thought since I know that I do not deserve another forgiveness from him. Then what did I come here for you ask?

I didn't know. I just felt the desire to see him.

I cursed myself mentally as I remained sitting on the footboard of his single bed. To tell the truth, his bedroom was about twice the size of my bathroom and because it was small – you can inhale the scent of the room's occupant without difficulty.

It had a fragrance of lavender mixed with the aroma of an orchid flower. It doesn't stink like some second-rate perfume so I wonder where he got this pleasant smell since I know he cannot afford to buy expensive and strong colognes like the ones I hate in Yuuki.

I rather prefer Zero's floral scent than anyone's.

There was nothing much of a furniture other than a bed, a nightstand and a wardrobe. No paintings or portraits either but an old picture frame which stood on top of the nightstand.

I stayed idly while quietly drifting in my chain of thoughts that I failed to notice the door opening and a familiar pair of eyes looking straight at my impassive facial features, not until I heard the darling tune of his voice.

"Kaname?" someone asked.

I withdrew from my reverie and I instantly glanced at the person before meeting with beautiful eyes in shade of lavender.

Immense guilt rapidly consumed me deep within and my heart clenching tightly that it stole my breath away – I felt suffocated much to my demise. My hands trembled on its own that I had the urge to run in front of him and kneel down on my knees before begging for him to forgive me.

I felt so horrible for hurting this man again.

I bit my lower lip harsh enough to plant a bruise on it but I could care less about that. I want to apologize so much to him but the words didn't build. I didn't know what to say anymore.

I hate myself for letting him suffer again.

I'm so sorry. Those words repeated itself inside my head like a chant that I cannot speak. Instead I simply lowered my head in shame. I was the most worthless man alive. I had been taking him for granted since the beginning and I had given him nothing but heartache.

Then I felt Zero wrapped his arms around me in a tight but tender embrace.

"Please don't leave me." he pleaded as began to break down in tears while holding onto me like I'll disappear from this world.

Just a single warmth from him made all my melancholic thoughts dwindle away. My guilt subsided and my heart inflated itself with honest emotions that had me desire to cry to my soul's content. My hands ceased from trembling and soon I felt it holding on him too.

"Please don't leave me alone." he pleaded again as he clutched his hands on my back.

Just a single touch from him finally made me realize that I had to stop repeating such mistakes all over again. I had broken my promises once and twice already, and I can't bear to carry another guilt of breaking the last promise I had.

I had enough of misleading him with a lie. I had enough of taking advantage of him. I had enough of giving him the painful agony as my illicit affair. I had enough of it.

If I can't make up to all those stupid faults I did, might as well start all over again. Although I still don't know how I feel about him, there was one thing I was absolute with – I want to start a real relationship with him.

―

 **Zero Kiryu**

Why is he not responding?

I continued to ask my anxious self as I kept on hugging him in embrace and not letting go of him. Tears were persistent as it did nothing but deny my urge to not cry in front of him. I certainly do not want him to see me this vulnerable and fragile but the silence was torturing me much to my humiliation.

"Please don't leave me." I pleaded for the third time and likewise he didn't say anything.

What if he was here to say goodbye but unable to because of my pleas? Did he come here to end our secret relationship? Did he choose his fiancée over me?

Please don't. I screamed in my mind and it did nothing but increase the grief in me. Please say something, Kaname. I begged for him with silent words behind my dissonant hiccups. Please tell me you won't leave me. I want to speak it but the slump in my throat refused it.

I love you.

The desperation in me was starting to get into me that I couldn't think straight enough but only the fear that was spreading deep in me. It was the fear of losing him.

I felt his arms let go of me and I began to panic that I didn't halt myself from tightening my embrace to him much more that I was starting to feel my limbs going numb. My blood turned cold at the dreadful thought of hearing him say his goodbye.

However everything perished at the soft touch of his lips against mine.

My fear and anxieties receded and my throbbing heart thawed. The mere touch of his lips was sufficient to calm me down and perish all the cries I was trying to hold inside me.

My lips were parted without me knowing in which Kaname took the opportunity to breach his warm tongue in and I gasped at the foreign contact. He cupped my face with his hands thus letting my tears attached to his palms and his thumb caressing the puffiness under my eyes.

Our lips moving in romantic sync and we both melted to its passion.

Just this once, I want all my pain to go away and let myself succumb to the intimacy.

I loosened my tight hold on him before letting it relax on his shoulder as I straddled my legs in his sides with my knees resting on top of the supple mattress.

He intensified the passion of our kiss that I failed to notice his fingers waltzing on my collarbone before proceeding to untie the lacing in front of my shirt. In a short minute, the strings were now untied and no longer securing the garment.

Kaito shouldn't have lent me his clothes since it didn't take even two hours for me to wear it.

I pushed the thoughts aside not wanting to think about the kiss earlier especially when I was kissing the love of my life.

Kaname traced his hands much lower until it landed on the hem of my shirt in which he grabbed without further ado before pulling it off gently from me. The cold air enveloped my exposed flesh right away that I almost shiver but the chills died upon the warm contact of his hands in my skin.

Erotic feeling devoured my sensitivity as he began to sooth his hot lips on my neck and capturing my soft spot in a bite that had me quivered in delight, I let out a tiny moan.

His lips drew in an amused grin before kissing his way much lower and definitely leaving me trail of hickeys although I didn't mind a little since I was his to mark.

My breathing was becoming ragged at the anticipation of waiting for him to trap my nipples in between his teeth that would obviously send me to his mercy and he did in eagerness. I moaned at the exotic sensation of feeling his hot wet tongue playing my hard bud.

He kept on savoring the taste of my nipples as he snaked his impatient hands on the waistline of my pants before unbuckling my belt in haste.

I flushed at the realization that he intend to strip me of my remaining garments and he himself was still fully clothed.

I didn't want to be the only one naked here.

With such thought, I didn't waste any second on pushing him to my narrow bed and I noticed him smirking in triumph like he predicted I would push him, and I blushed crimson.

Kaname chuckled at my blushing before unfastening his shirt buttons himself. I took it as an indication to disrobe him of his pants while I still have a chance, since I didn't want to be the first one naked even if it wasn't the first time.

It was just plain embarrassing that was all.

It didn't take a long while for him to be discarded of all clothes and I felt my own arousal hardening in glee at the mere sight of my lover's fit but lustful body. My heart raced a millennium and I knew by then that I want to connect my soul to him.

I want to be one with him.

I held his already aroused length in my grasp before leaning closer to it with my lips an inch away from the leaking tip. He hissed when my own breath embodying his manhood in a teasing caress. I inhaled before taking him whole in my mouth.

He moaned in relish.

His exciting moan sent pleasing shudders down my spine that made me quicken the pace of my mouth.

He grunted and I deep throated him for the last time until I felt sweet liquid spurting inside and I swallowed it without hesitation. He relaxed under me at the moment I let go of his length but it hardened again when he looked at me.

"Come here." he murmured in tender tone.

I undressed myself of my pants before crawling on top of him. He brought me down to the bed before getting on top and pulling my hips around his torso. He proceeded to grind his manhood against mine and I gasped a moan but he interrupted me by crashing his lips to my own and shoving his tongue inside.

Then pleasure burned throughout my body when I felt a finger pushed inside my rear entrance and I writhed in both pain and sexual bliss. My entrance doesn't like the intrusion especially when he added more fingers.

But I tried to adjust it for something bigger.

The festivity downstairs seemed very convenient at a time like this since our loud moans were being overwhelmed by even louder music tunes coming from a musette and lute.

It was a good thing though because it'll be awkward to let my adopted father hear me made an unusual sound.

I was busy minding such unnecessary thoughts that I failed to sense the absence of foreign fingers inside my entrance until it was replaced with an even more painful sensation that had me jolted back to my reality.

I bit my lower lip in endeavor to hold back a groan.

Kaname grunted as he halted himself halfway from entering me but he understood that I need to adjust first on the size of his length.

"You're amazing, Zero." he praised me and I returned a genuine smile.

After the pain disappeared, he held onto my waist as he guided my movements. He finally entered me whole and there I felt myself in heaven. The feeling of our bodies joined together made my existence complete with my feelings being conveyed to him.

I want him to feel the love I have for him.

He began to position inside me in a slow pace, so slow in spite of the increasing passion as both our bodies bend in an intimate harmony.

It wasn't like any other consummation we had and that thought alone made a part of me confused. Time didn't count around us and the kiss of his lips had me captivated in a romance spell. I didn't know why but I felt love looking at his blue eyes.

It reflected no lust but a spark of emotion that made me feel cherished. Was this what they called love-making?

He was looking at me like I was someone precious.

I dismissed it thinking that I might be only imagining things. He steadied the pace of his thrust when he hit something in me that had me arched my back in sensual curve. I cried out in ecstasy.

And when he hit that same spot, I cried out even more that it brought me to my highest limit hence I release my essence in our bared stomach. His length throbbed in me before he filled me full inside.

To him I always belong.

―

"I love you." I said in a soft whisper.

Kaname tightened his arms around my slender waist as we cuddled together on my bed. The cadence of his beating heart was a melody to my ears as I buried my face on the crook of his neck. It scared me to go to sleep because I was not sure if I'll see him in the morning.

Or maybe because he might tell me the same words he said after our first night of passion. I didn't want to hear those painful words again.

"You're so close to me but why does it feel you're a thousand miles apart?" I muttered however he answered nothing except a soft kiss on my forehead.

"Go to sleep, Zero." he replied but I shook my head in denial.

"I can't sleep." that wasn't a lie since I felt the need to sleep but my consciousness refused to.

Instead of saying another word, he held me even closer to him underneath the blanket with our legs locked together in a tango. I want to stay in his arms like this for an eternity. If I can't have his love, then at least the warmth of his touch was all I ask for.

Then all of a sudden he started humming a tune which caught my attention. I couldn't ignore such a mellow song since he was humming the song I composed for him – Autumn Rose.

It was not in a perfect pitch or timing either yet despite the obvious flaws, it was so beautiful and sweet in my ears. His deep vocal tune ignited joy inside my heart and brought millions of butterflies in my abdomen.

It was a lovely lullaby.

―

 **Kaname Kuran**

I knew that I couldn't serenade him anymore with that song because it will make him remember how I played it to my fiancée. It was not like I have a talent either to compose another one to make it up to my mistakes so I thought of a simple but a special method.

So here I was singing it to him in a lullaby.

Somehow I felt hurt hearing him said that I was close to his reach yet I was so far away from him. The boundary of this secret affair was drawing a line between us and I didn't like it.

Countless sharp needles were piercing the wall of my heart at the realization that it was all because of me why he was my affair in the first place.

It was because of my lust that he endured the misery of seeing me with another. It was because of my selfishness that he received no permanent happiness in this relationship. It was because of me that he got hurt so many times.

It was all because of me.

That was why I decided to stop being a fool. I no longer want to be someone who don't deserve him instead I need to be the man worthy of his love and everything that he was giving me. I might not be able to correct all my mistakes but if starting all over again will give me that chance then I'll do it.

He was the only one I need and that I was sure of myself. So with that in mind, I paused myself from humming which caught his attention again.

"I want to end our affair, Zero." I claimed and I felt his naked body stiffened.

"Don't leave me please!" he begged as he began to cry again but I kissed him in the lips to calm him and it did. I wiped the tears with thumb before bringing him in a comforting embrace.

"I want us to have a clean start so I decided I'll cancel my marriage with Yuuki." I replied as I let go of our lips and he stared at me in disbelief. I breathed in his silky silver hair, there it was amicable floral scent of him again and it made me smile.

"Will you be my lover?" I confessed and my heart leaped at the sweetness of my word. As I waited for his answer, I felt him return the kiss but it was more passionate than before.

"Yes. I'll be your lover. I love you so much." Zero said and it made me happy, so happy that even the most wonderful words couldn't describe.

* * *

I'm bored, so here's another chapter. Time for your conflicting emotions to rise, people! Hahaha.

Your thoughts?

:)


	15. His Sonnet (Kaname)

**Chapter 14: His Sonnet (Kaname)**

"I love you more than there are stars in the sky and fish in the sea."

– Nicholas Sparks

* * *

Yes. I'll be your lover.

Those pretty words of him continued to repeat itself inside my head like a magical chant, it was so magical that it entranced me with happiness I had never felt before. It made my heart melt and it brought me a tingling feeling like there was a thousand doves soaring inside me.

He made me feel complete.

I smiled as I watched him still sleeping in his bed. His peaceful facial features were the definition of perfection itself and not even the most fascinating goddess could ever be compared to him. He was the most beautiful person in my eyes.

I sat on the bedside near him with a single red rose in my hand.

He was still in deep slumber but that won't last long though. I leaned closer to him with the rose still in my grasp. I decided to tease him briefly thus I brought the rose on his angelic face.

The smooth velvet petals came in contact with the tip of his nose but it didn't made him wake up much to my disappointment however it was too early to give up.

Hence I traced the rose down to his adorable pink lips and giving it a gentle touch but the pleasant fragrance of the flower was only sending him further deep into his sleep. I sighed but likewise I was not giving up. As much as I wanted to kiss him, I need to wake him up first.

He squirmed a little which means that he was not liking the foreign touch therefore I wasted no chance in teasing him more. I laced the rose from his lips and into his naked chest with the petals touching his skin in a tender caress.

The red shade of rose was like an attracting hue in contrast to the cream porcelain tint of his complexion.

It was a good thing that the blanket was pushed down to his navel which made it easier for me to take advantage of him in sleep. I wonder if I was being a romantic person right now because waking up your lover with a rose was likely what only sweethearts do. Well was I one?

"Hm..." Zero mumbled when the smooth petals met his sensitive spot just under one of his nipples. He slowly blinked his eyelids open and his gorgeous lavender eyes met with my red-wine ones.

"Good morning." I greeted him before pressing my lips on his for a simple kiss.

"Good morning too." he returned my greeting.

Last night he didn't want to sleep right away after our passionate love making and I could tell that it was because he was scared of not seeing me in the morning. And I understood it and he had all the reason to doubt me since I already hurt him many times so it was natural for him to be insecure.

However I didn't want him to doubt me anymore and with that in mind, I'll make him see that I was no longer the same man who caused him so much heartache. I'll be the man who was worthy of his love and the only one who will give him everything he deserves.

As a start for that, I decided to be in his side when he wakes up. I want to be the first man he will see in the beginning of the day.

"Are you going back?" he asked as he took note of appearance. I had prepared myself with the same clothing I had yesterday.

I nodded. "Yes. I want to talk to Yuuki. She'll be coming to my house before noon and I figured that this is a good opportunity to tell her of my decision. I only need you." I said with a candid smile in me.

Although the word need may be less significant compare to the strong emotion I had for him, it was the only word I could I find closest to my feelings. Even though I still haven't concluded what it was, I was pleased to know that I was getting closer in figuring it out.

"I'm happy to hear that." Zero replied with a genuine smile.

"I'm glad. By the way, this is yours now." I chuckled as I handed him the red rose I had earlier.

He blushed crimson upon receiving the single rose from me although it made me wonder why he had such reaction. Before I could comprehend it, he answered me right away like he knew what I was going to ask of him.

"It reminds me of the time you decided to paint me. I asked you why chose a red rose for me and then you said it's because it suits me. Well do you still think it is?" he inquired me.

Indeed I remembered it but I think I no longer see it that way.

It was still alluring and tempting but there was something much more other than that or to be precise it signifies the things I felt about him. The red rose was like the embodiment of the strong emotions I couldn't express in words.

The deep meaning of my feelings that only this rose could tell for me.

I shook my head in denial before embracing him in my arms. "No, it suits for the two of us." I claimed and soon I felt him smile in my shoulder.

―

The placid silence was dwelling in the calm air around the library with the scent of papers and books blending in thoroughly. The soothing ambiance brought me deep into my thoughts that I was hardly devoting my attention to the book laid on top of my lap.

My sight kept on lingering on the dozen bookshelves surrounding me. Every bookshelf were made of dark special wood which makes it difficult to guess the age of the furniture.

Books were arranged well from histories to the various published works written by famous authors and novelists.

The ornamental pendant lamps on the ceiling bequeathed enough light to brighten the room. Not much of decorations were placed here other than wall paintings and a large French carpet.

This library my family own was not really huge and I bet it just almost quarter the size of a public library located in the town central. Well we were simply not the type to collect books.

"Here are the books you asked." said a voice which brought me back to reality.

I looked up to see my footman holding five books in him before gesturing him to place it on top of a Pembroke table in front of me which he did without question ask. And my body slumped even more on the comfortable chaise lounge. This boredom was killing me.

"Thanks, can you get me a coffee too?" I said in a dull tone.

Kaito simply sighed and I could presume that he was as bored as me but that wasn't what caught my jaded attention rather it was the busted lip he had – it was like someone had bit him there or it was probably my imagination.

It might be good to ask him later about it.

I sat up on the lounge as soon as he dismissed himself and I immediately surveyed the other books in hope to entertain myself while waiting for the arrival of my fiancée. It was already the appointed time and somehow I was unsettled about it.

Will she agree to cancel our marriage?

Well even if she doesn't agree, I'll still do something about it. I didn't want to let this engagement go on especially when I was seeing another person.

As I continued to rummage through the pile of books, there was one that had caught my curiosity. It was a sonnet book by Philip Sidney. I scanned every page and then my interest found a certain poem. The title was My True Love Hath My Heart and I Have His.

The mere title itself made my heart leaped in joy and such sensation appealed me more to read the verse written below.

My true-love hath my heart and I have his,

By just exchange one for the other given:

I hold his dear, and mine he cannot miss;

There never was a bargain better driven.

His heart in me keeps me and him in one;

My heart in him his thoughts and senses guides:

He loves my heart, for once it was his own;

The first half of the poem kindled all the strong emotions in me that I feel like something will burst out deep in my chest sooner or later. It also reminds me of the unconditional love he had for me and how he always made me feel special.

Zero gave me his entire heart without a price or anything in return.

He loves me for who I was and not for what I have. He cares for me more than anyone and more than himself. He treasures me more than gold and life itself. To him I was precious.

I felt sincere warmth spreading all over my body that I failed to notice the faint smile in my lips. Then I resumed reading the rest.

I cherish his because in me it bides.

His heart his wound received from my sight;

My heart was wounded with his wounded heart;

For as from me on him his hurt did light,

So still, I thought, in me his hurt did smart:

Both equal hurt, in this change sought our bliss,

My true love hath my heart and I have his.

The second half of the poem incited the terrible guilt buried inside my heart. The countless mistakes I had done to him was replaying in my mind like a never-ending cycle of bad dream. I wonder if the heaven will ever forgive me for doing that to him.

I broke it. The heart he gave to me – I broke his once pure heart.

It was so cruel of me for taking an angel like him for granted. Somehow it seemed a miracle that I still have him and that he still forgave me even though I hadn't said my sorry yet.

I felt a throbbing pain building inside my chest that I feel like splitting my body open so I could take the pain away.

This guilt was so unbearable.

When I was about to close the book, a distinct word captured my eyes and I stared at it for almost an eternity. The time stopped and everything seemed to have disappeared from my awareness.

It was like seeing that specific word brought forth an unknown realization in me.

Love.

That single word was nothing new to me and I heard it from Zero for a multiple times so why do I perceive it like it was a long lost word that I had been searching for since forever?

As the little word was slowly sinking deep into me, a strange feeling came washing over me. I felt whole all of a sudden like a dream was already achieved in front of me and I felt fulfilled like I had found the missing piece of my puzzle.

I felt enlightenment out of the blue.

Was this love? I found myself asking no one but the feelings in me that was going bizarre underneath my own flesh.

Then before knowing it, my heart raced a million miles and my body felt freedom like a huge burden was lifted from my shoulder. There was so much sensation in me. But despite all those peculiar things, why do I feel like this was a confession I must tell my lover?

Was I in love with Zero? The question suddenly appeared in my mind. I felt my own breath being stolen away when my heart decided to answer the question for me.

I love...

"Kaname?" a feminine voice alarmed me that I accidentally dropped the book out of horror and panic consumed me as soon as I recognized the figure standing before me. It was my fiancée.

―

She stared at me in bemused and I could tell that she didn't expect to see me make such awful reaction towards her my future wife. It scared me because I thought I was speaking my earlier thoughts out loud.

I inhaled a long breath to compose my inner self back to its calm demeanor.

"I need to talk to you, Yuuki." I claimed in a monotone but with a serious face in me as to imply that this was about an important matter for me and she was needed to hear it in which she abode without a single complaint from her.

She sat next to me and there I noticed the long but fitted yellow Sundress gown she was wearing. It was so fitted that it was showing the define curve of her waist and the ample shape of her legs.

Was she, by any chance, seducing me?

I disregarded the useless imagination I had before mustering all the courage I could find in me. I hope this conversation will end good but since I know this woman too well – it'll probably end with the opposite.

She smiled at me and I sighed in return as I let my eyes locked gazes with her.

"I no longer wish to marry you." I confessed in humble however anxiety breached its way inside my soul that had me feared on the possible words I'll hear from her.

Her smile faded from her face and her beautiful makeup somehow turned dismal grey much to my demise.

"Who is she? Is she the same woman you wanted to bring to dinner instead of me your fiancée?" her sharp tone tried to pierce through me but I was not letting her do the same thing she did before.

I will not submit to her solicit anymore.

"I do not have a woman, I simply do not see myself in the future with you as my wife. Forgive me." I replied in an absolute chaste truth.

That was right. I didn't see myself married to her or sharing the rest of my life with her either. It was not the future I desired to have. Instead I found myself spending my every day with a beautiful lifetime partner.

My future was only with Zero by my side, him and no one else.

"Lies! She just fooled you with her charm. I am the only one you love right? Please tell me you love me, Kaname." her tone in high soprano. Nonetheless I didn't feel any despair for Yuuki. After all she was part of the reason why I hurt an angel.

It was because of her that I betrayed him so many times.

"I'm sorry. I don't love you and I don't want to wed you knowing I don't feel what you want me to feel." I explained as considerate as I can be for her to not take this conversation in a wrong way.

That was the least I wanted to happen.

"No I don't accept this. I don't accept this at all!" she claimed in a shriek at the moment she stood up from her seat. She turned to me before holding my shoulders in a hard grip.

"Tell me you don't mean it. Tell me that everything you said means nothing. I will never let you cancel our marriage even if that means I'll speak to your family. They won't allow it." she said and that was my cue to destroy my calm facade.

"Then I dare you! In fact you'll make it easier for me to tell them. I don't care what they'll do about it because I still won't marry you." I snapped at her for the first time.

I know that it was rare for me to lose my temper especially when I was good at hiding my emotions but she pushed me too far.

Nonetheless it didn't stop her however what came to me in the blink of an eye was something I certainly didn't see coming. She gave me no response instead she lunged at me with her body weight that made me fall back on the chaise lounge.

My back hit a solid book and I groaned in pain.

The short distraction of mine gave her a golden opportunity to straddle her legs around my waist and again before I realize it – she crashed her plump lips on mine.

And while she was at it, one of her hand crawled underneath my shirt before exploring every inch of my toned abdomen. She pressed her soft bust against my chest much to my great discomfort.

"Stop it." I warned in irritation while holding back myself from hitting a woman.

But that little warning didn't stop her from what she wanted to do then a disgusting sensation began to creep on my veins when I felt her other hand gave my clothed lower region a tight squeeze.

"Enough!" I screamed at her as I pushed her off me thus making her stumble on the marble floor.

"I am a daughter of a marquis and your first lover, Kaname. We've been together since children and we're meant to marry when the time comes. We're soul mates and we're supposed to love each other until death." Yuuki claimed as she stood up looking disappointed.

"Soul mates? Our relationship was arranged by our parents since the beginning and all the things I did for you are nothing but requests my dear mother asked of me to do for you."

"And you called us soul mates? I hardly consider the two of us lovers in the first place." I expressed as harsh as possible to make it easier for her to accept the reality.

"I won't marry you and that is my final decision." I added with a firm resolution in me.

She made a frown on her face upon hearing the same decision I had said for the fourth time in this day. The sour look on her chocolate eyes was enough to tell me that she'll do anything to stop me from doing what I wanted.

I sighed in frustration. Was there something I should do to make her give up?

"Whatever. I still don't accept this and will never be. We're destined to each other and I'll make sure you will marry me no matter what happens." she declared in arrogance before stomping her way out of the library.

This annoyance was draining the strength from me, I was so exhausted.

―

"That was nice opera." someone spoke and I turned to see Kaito emerging from behind of one of the tall bookshelves in the room. I grimaced since I failed to notice his presence and moreover because he got to see the talk I had with Yuuki.

"How long had you been there?" I inquired him before sitting again on the lounge.

"Long enough to make your once warm coffee cold." the man answered as he drank the cold coffee in one go. So he meant that he had been here long enough to hear the entire conversation earlier?

I didn't pry anymore on his reason for eavesdropping because I was too tired to argue with another. And that reminds me that I was going to talk with my parents soon.

I hope it'll end well this time although I had a feeling it will. I no longer felt nervous much to my delight.

By the way, what was I thinking about earlier before I got distracted? I knew it was something about a poem but I can't remember it. The argument I had was messing up my mind despite the effort to forget that one too.

"You have a bold decision there if I might describe but then I don't think you'll hold onto it any time longer." Kaito said all of a sudden and I felt offended.

"And why do you think I'll do that?" I seethed at him.

He raised his eyebrow at me. "I just know it. Besides you're the type who doesn't stand up for his decision when the situation calls for it and then you'll only take action when the guilt is too much for you to take." he explained and it enraged me.

In a heartbeat, I already had him pinned on a bookshelf with both my hands grabbing him by the collar. I don't know if I got mad because of him or was it because what he said was true?

"It's none of your business. If you say another word, I'll punch your already wounded lip." I hissed at him however I received a grin instead.

"Oh you think someone punched me?" he looked at me with amused eyes. "It's a bite wound and would you like to know who bit me?" a smirk formed in his lips and somehow it made me boil with anger without a reason.

"Who?" curiosity got into me but my hands on his collar tightened like my instinct had already predicted who he was referring to.

Kaito made a taunting smile, "Zero," he replied and my heart broke in his response.

* * *

Here's an update. And, here's a cookie. :)

I don't want to be held responsible for your conflicting emotions, people.

Oh, and a big THANK YOU! for all the reviews you've given me.

As I've said before; long, or short, I love them all!

Please gimme some love.

Reviews please? *puppyeyes*


	16. His Bittersweet Wine

**Chapter 15: His Bittersweet Wine**

"The greater the love, the greater the tragedy when it's over."

– Nicholas Sparks

* * *

 **Kaname Kuran**

My calm demeanor faltered on that one name he said to me along with his taunting smile which told me he was not lying in the least about it and it broke my heart for a reason still unknown to me.

"Zero bit me because I kissed him." Kaito implied in a blunt that had me gone enraged.

Just the mere thought of another touching my lover and let alone kiss him in the lips surely made me go livid with anger and fury that I never once felt before. I gritted my teeth painfully since no words can soothe my foul mood.

My grip tensed on his collar even more to the point that it was already trembling much to my discomfort – it had the need to punch something to ease my agitation.

"He is mine." I murmured in ire but instead of feeling intimidated, he looked at me annoyed.

"Yours? Don't make me laugh. Sure he was your lover but since when did you actually treat him as one? If he was so important to you then you would have been there for him the other night and he won't suffer again but no you did not because you are a coward."

He retorted and I felt offended again that my body moved on its own and before I realize it, I punched him in the face.

He staggered on his feet after I released him from my grip but I doubt that this will silence him though and neither will it silence me too – I was already in the worst of my mood then he dared to prompt my anger.

"I'm not a coward and don't you ever call me one when you don't know how it feels to be in my place. I admit that I never once treat him nice and I regretted all of it. If you thought that he is the only one suffering here then you're wrong!" I explained it to him loud and clear.

"This guilt is killing me inside and out. My conscience is tormenting me every hour, every minute and every second. I am just barely enduring them all." I added with animosity in my cold tone.

Kaito regained his firm posture as he stood up again in front of me with a bleeding lip since my punch must have reopened his wound.

"And who is to blame for your guilt? If you hadn't been a coward in the first place then none of this will happen and he wouldn't be in such pain. Don't act like you had no option because you had the choice to go to him that dinner night but no you chose to be a coward you are." he retaliated.

However, hearing him repeated that coward word to me twice made me snap.

"I did it for the best of us! I did it to protect him from the humiliation he'll face when our relationship comes out. I did it for him." I replied in resentment as I pointed a finger at him.

He glared at me with chestnut eyes full of hatred. "I could care less on your meaningless reasons because in one way or another, it doesn't change anything." he snorted in disgust before wiping out the blood from his chin.

"I don't care if you're guilty. You deserved it and it is nothing compared to the pain you gave to him. If you think that you had suffered enough then that's your absolute mistake because you do not know even half of his agony." he added with his furious eyes not leaving mine.

"There is something more painful than guilt and it is what tortures him all this time." he claimed.

"Why do you care? In fact none of this matters to you because you are nothing but a servant who keeps on putting his nose on other people's business." I asked exasperated since I always dislike how he meddles on my personal affairs like he had the right to.

"Shame on you." I imitated his bluntness that he always used on me.

Kaito grimaced on what I just said to him that he didn't hesitate to grab me by the collar in the similar way I grabbed him a couple of minutes ago.

"It's because I love him. I love Zero Kiryu." he seethed at me and my narrowed eyes widened at his response.

He loves him? The thought of it made my jealousy pound in the depths of my heart. How come I didn't realize it when it was so obvious all along?

"I love the man whom you are taking for granted. I love the man whom you are leading on with false hope and I love the man whom you are tormenting by breaking important promises. I love the man whose heart is the one you keep hurting." he hissed at me with so much loathe.

It disturbed me to know that he harbors intimate feelings that I can't bring myself to bear.

Even though it was what my wisdom said to me, my heart denied otherwise. It felt like I wasn't bothered by the fact that he feels something for my lover but rather I felt upset because someone else will become a part of his life.

I don't want to share him with another man.

"So? The one he loves is me and not you. Besides I'm no longer the man who will take him for granted, lead him on with a false hope and hurt him anymore. I chose him over the woman who I was supposed to marry and I will continue to choose him over anything else." I scoffed.

However rather than looking dumbfounded at me, he looked annoyed instead much to my dismay.

"There is a huge difference between choosing him out of pity and choosing him out of guilt. Like I said, I don't think you'll hold onto him any longer because I can see it in you that you are confused – confused as to what you really feel about him." he requited and likewise I felt insulted.

"Sooner or later you'll be in denial because you are a coward." Kaito included as he tightened his grip on my collar and it outraged me to hear that stupid word again.

I slapped his hand away thus freeing myself from his hold. "I am not choosing him out of guilt or out of pity either. I am choosing him because I..." I clenched my hands into fist as I was unable to complete it.

I still couldn't put it into words. The tension between us was cut all of a sudden when a series of knock came from the other side of the library door.

"Sir, your parents have returned." Emily informed me.

"I'll be there in a minute." I replied as calm as I can be despite the endless irritation I had deep in me.

As soon as I heard her footstep fading into the distance, I shifted to grab my coat from the chaise lounge before pacing towards the door to meet my parents on the living room. But just as I had my grasp on the metal doorknob, I gave one last fierce glance on my footman.

"When I step out of this room, I want you to leave and never come back. You are dismissed and don't bother telling them my secrets because I can speak it to them myself." I claimed as I proceeded to exit the library.

―

I shouldn't let his words influence me and my decisions. Even if he can see right through my mind, that didn't mean he can see right through my heart too. I know deep in me that I was not doing this out of guilt.

I was choosing my lover because I want to be with him.

I can choose to marry him if I wish to and I know a part of me desire for it but not now since I was taking things one step at a time. Guilt may have prompted me to stop being such a fool but it was not the one that had motivated me to start a real relationship with me. 3

It was not guilt but something more intense enough to choose him over everything else.

The sound of someone clearing their throat made me drift away from my trance and it took me a short moment to notice that I was already in the living room and standing in front of my parents who were occupying the large French white canapé.

I must have been too absorbed on my thoughts that I failed to realize that I made it to our living room. Both of them did not utter a single word at me as I took a seat on a similar canapé across them.

I inhaled a deep breathe to calm my inner self.

The silence was very loud that I could hear the pounding sound of a solid pendulum very clear from a nearby grandfather clock. The coffee table in front of me was made of special rosewood but seeing its color made me remember the pair of chestnut eyes I now despise the most.

I glanced at my parents and they were looking at me in inquisitive but they chose not to speak until I initiate a conversation. Will they handle it if they learn that I refused to marry the woman they adored?

I sighed in defeat. It was no use guessing without even trying.

"I do not want to marry Yuuki anymore." I confessed in direct and honest tone while looking at them straight in the eyes so that they would understand that I was not deceiving them. Both of them wore a surprised expression in their faces and I expected that in the least.

A long discouraging minute brought fear in me but instead of causing me a change of heart, it gave me more courage to do what I want from now on.

"It's been a few years since you became engaged to her and you could have refused it before so why now when the marriage is a couple of months ahead. Is there a specific reason why you wanted to cancel it so suddenly?" my darling mother Juri inquired me with a baffle look.

I bit my lip in slight hesitation but nonetheless they needed to know the truth and besides I don't lie. "There is someone I fancied." I answered in a simple but true reason.

"Can you grant us the privilege to know the name of the woman who gave our son enough reason to want to end his engagement with his fiancée?" my dear father Haruka asked of me.

"I don't think this is the right opportunity to tell you about it because this topic alone is so difficult to speak of. But don't worry you'll know soon enough, I just need some time." I explained to them and they seemed to understand since they nodded at me in agreement.

"Is she born of nobility?" my mother questioned me again but this time I tensed since I know how significant this question was especially since we were a noble in hereditary.

"No. That person is of commonalty." I replied and she gasped upon hearing it.

"Kaname, my dear you do know that in our society's custom, if a man is a noble then he is to take a noble too for a wife. It is a culture to maintain the nobility title in a family. If you were to have a commoner for a wife, you'll be disrobed of your status." she said to me out of concern.

Indeed she was worried because there was no such parents in their right mind would allow their child to be deprived of his/her good future but as absurd as it sound – my heart could care less about that.

"I don't want to see my only child live in poverty just because of a woman." Juri added and I only smiled at her worries.

"I am aware of that when I decided to choose that person over my fiancée and I am prepared of it. I don't care what life I would live in the future because as long as I am with that person then that is all that matters." I replied in sincerity and surprisingly both of them gave up debating me about it.

It was a good thing that they failed to notice that I kept on mentioning that person instead of her and let alone him. I just let them assumed it was a woman as of this moment of time.

"Did you already speak to Yuuki about it or would you like us to tell her in your behalf?" Haruka suggested and I let out a disappointed sigh.

"Yes, I already told her of my decision but she didn't take it well. She stormed out of the house in the end if I might add." I claimed and my mother shook her head in disbelief.

"Of course, any woman wouldn't take it well when they're refused by a man. I could understand that part but I didn't expect to hear that she stormed out of the house. I thought she is a woman of good tolerance but I guess it might have hurt her too much." my father sympathized with a frown.

"You should talk to her again. Women can be frightening when they're being inspired by desperation." he included and I grimaced hearing that.

A desperate ex-fiancée was the last thing I wanted in this world.

Then it reminded me that it was somewhat strange for my parents to hear this discussion without arguing me and especially be infuriated of me for cancelling the marriage they wanted me to have.

"Is it alright for me to cancel the marriage? Well I am kind of expecting for you to be mad because of it." I said and the two of them furrowed their eyebrows together.

"It is quite distressing to hear that you are no longer agreeing on the marriage since Yuuki is such a nice girl and all but you are our son and your well-being come first more than anything." my darling mother smiled at me so humbly.

"Besides it is a disgrace for a parent to force their child on a marriage they do not want." my dear father expressed so lovingly.

"Indeed. I just want you to know that we will always support you no matter what." Juri added as she took my father's hand in her.

I stared at them speechless and astonished like I just heard something so unreal. It took a lot of strength in me to hold back myself from colliding my head to a hard concrete wall. I always doubt that it will be troublesome to go against their wish.

Who would have thought it will be this easy?

I guess I would have to blame it, totally, on my insecurities and my mind that would always think of negative thoughts. Since when did I become so adverse?

Because you're a coward.

His phrase replayed itself inside my consciousness and I shook my head to drive it away. I guess it'll be nice to be optimistic like Zero, he who always views things in a positive perspective.

"Then is it alright too if I don't come along on our trip? I promised that person that I will stay here during the rest of the winter season." I asked in politeness. My parents looked at each other for a while before looking back at me with a pleasant smile in them.

"Sure it's alright but only if you agree to introduce her to us when me and your father returned okay?" she insisted and I nodded in defeat.

While we were indulged in our family conversation, our faithful maid Seiren came into our presence with an urgent issue with her.

"Sir Kaien demands to speak with Sir Kaname. The carriage is outside waiting for you, Sir." she informed me and it confused me because it was unlikely for Sir Kaien to fetch me since he used to come here whenever he needed to discuss something.

But I guess it would be different because this one was about his daughter's marriage.

"Do you want me and your mother to talk to him?" my father offered however I shook my head in denial.

"No. It'll be best for him to hear it from me because after all I am the one who is refusing his daughter's hand for a marriage." I claimed as I grabbed my coat before putting it on.

―

After an hour of road trip, the horse carriage stopped in front of the entrance door and a butler opened the door for me as I stepped outside the Coach.

A huge mansion immediately came into my line of vision. It was built in a British design with a mixture of English Baroque architecture. It was painted in pure white shade hence it gave the look of simplicity and the complete opposite compare to the inside.

"Is Sir Kaien here?" I asked the butler.

"Yes. He'll be in lounge room soon. Would you like to wait for him there?" the man asked and I raised an eyebrow. It was quite odd for Sir Kaien to not see me first when he wanted to speak to me but nevertheless I shrugged my doubts.

"Sure." I agreed and not too long, I entered through the main door.

Just like I said, it was absolutely different in the inside since it was built in a white and gold Rococo style. In the middle of the foyer, there was this beautiful sculpture of a male angel sharing a kiss with a woman. I think this statue was called Cupid's Kiss.

It was indeed romantic and it was no wonder that Yuuki believes in the existence of soul mates. This statue gave her that idea no doubt.

I paid no more attention on the decorations as I walked towards the lounge room. The butler left as soon as I took my seat in a comfortable and elegant couch.

While I was waiting for the appearance of the man I came to see, my mind lingered on the talk I had with my parents earlier. Truth to be told, I really didn't anticipate that they will be so eager to accept my decision.

But I guess I should be glad because it was so comforting to feel that I carry a less burden now in my heart.

I just hope it will be the same when I told them about him and that I had an affair with him during the time I was still engaged to Yuuki. I know that they will be mad about my unfaithfulness but deep inside – I know that they'll understand.

"Would you like a wine, Sir? It's your favorite." the butler came back with a silver tray in him and a Champagne glass half-filled with red wine.

"Thanks." I replied as I took the glass and the man left me again alone in the lounge room. I wonder what is taking Sir Kaien to be this late. 1

I brought the rim under my nose and the sweet aroma instantly clouded my smelling sense. Its fragrance was one of the reasons why I was fond of this wine. It smelled nice and it always brought serenity inside me.

I detached the rim from my nose before bringing it to my lips and drinking it in one go.

However just after I swallowed it, a bitter flavor invaded my taste right away. It was so bitter that I felt like vomiting and it also gave me burning sensation in both my throat and stomach. Was the wine perhaps already expired?

But wine certainly does not expire. The quality will only go bad when not stored properly and I know exactly what a bad wine taste does. It was surely not this worse.

I coughed for a couple of seconds and soon the burning feeling disappeared but only to be replaced by light-headedness.

Fatigue and exhaustion consumed my whole body in a heartbeat that I could barely sit straight without wobbling now and then. I tried to call for assistance but a lump in my throat hindered me from doing so. In a few minutes, I was already laid limp on top of the couch.

The sound of a pair of heels walking on the marble rang in my ears and a figure of a woman was what I last saw as my eyes closed on its own.

"Forgive me but you left me no choice." a feminine voice said to me just before the obscure darkness shrouded the last of my consciousness.

―

I woke up drained from energy with the softness of cotton and fabric being recognized by my skin. I blinked my eyes open only to be greeted by a vague sight and I groaned in annoyance. What time was it? Seiren was supposed to wake me up as usual.

I sat up from the bed as I combed my hair from my face to the back with my fingers. The haziness soon unveiled from my sight and that was when I learned that I was not in my room.

Where was I? I thought to myself but the reality decided to give me a cruel answer when my eyes shifted to the bedside on my right and that cruel answer brought horrible realization in me.

The one beside me was my ex-fiancée Yuuki Cross.

Please tell me this isn't real. I pleaded my mind to wake me up from this lucid illusion but seeing her sleeping face was more terrific than my worst nightmare. Don't tell me... a thought alarmed me that I did not waste a second to see it for myself thus I lifted the blanket.

And horror began to creep underneath my flesh as I looked the both of us naked and I didn't need to doubt anymore since the dried blood in the bed sheet was enough proof that something happened between us.

There is something more painful than guilt. His words dwelled in my memory.

"You must take responsibility for this," she mumbled as she stared at me with her eyes in chocolate color I now despise.

* * *

Hello everyone! Hahaha.

Another chapter for y'all. T'is a bit long so it took me quite a while to post.

R&R! :)


	17. His Wilting Rose

**Chapter 16: His Wilting Rose**

"The rose speaks of love silently, in a language known only to the heart."

– Anon

* * *

 **Kaname Kuran**

"You must take responsibility for this." she mumbled as she stared at me with her eyes in chocolate color I now despised.

Her words brought a sinister feeling down my spine and this was the first time I became so scared in my entire life. I didn't know what to do and the anxiousness deep within was not helping me a single bit. Panic eroded my composure away that my stiff legs jolted on its own.

"Please tell me this is not happening." my voice stuttered in horror.

I stood still near the canopy bed with half of the blanket around my waist. My knees trembled out of discomfort but I managed to remain firm on my feet as I tried to understand the solemn situation I was in.

This shouldn't be happening. I thought to myself as I searched my memories of before then I remembered the time I had a talk with my parents and the time I came here in purpose to see Sir Kaien but what happened after that was nothing – I don't remember anything.

Amidst the blurred memories, his face appeared and I never felt so disgusted of myself before.

Zero.

My chest increased in burden and it took a lot of might to suppress the scream that was begging to be release. Conflicting emotions penetrated inside my mind that I could no longer think straight but only the desperate feeling to escape this dilemma.

"What happened last night?" nonetheless I still asked her for answer for my doubts.

Yuuki looked at me with a peaceful expression as if nothing of these was bothering her, it was like she had expected for everything to happen and such look brought more disturbing feeling in me.

"Last night is the most beautiful thing that happened between us. It's so passionate and I can feel a new strong connection to you now. It felt perfect for our first time." she said and I became even more dismayed of myself.

"It can't be. I remember none of it." I replied with a crack in my tone.

"It couldn't be. I wouldn't think of touching you in that way because I don't feel what you wanted me to feel and besides I am no longer marrying you so there must be a mistake. I don't believe you." I added and I noticed her calm poise fading.

"Is that so? I guess it's no use convincing you yes?" she claimed with a change of attitude.

"What do you mean?" I asked her in disbelief. Does that mean all she said to me earlier were lies? Slim thread of hope surfaced in my heart.

She sat up from the bed with the other half of the blanket clothed around her body as she brought her knees to her chest. "I sedated you." she answered in nonchalance like she was not regretting anything in the least.

"It's just a little mischief of mine. I made you come here by the idea that my father called you and to be honest it's a plain trick. Then I ordered my butler to serve you of your favorite wine and I also ordered him to put a medicine in it that will induce you to sleep." she explained in a blunt.

Then I remember that it made all sense why the wine was so bitter when I drank it. Listening to her words and all made the slim thread of hope disappear from me.

"But unfortunately what I said a while ago are not lies. Of course I made love to you last night and I wanted it. I needed to do it because if I don't then you'll be gone and I don't like it." she said in sincere although it only made me upset.

"You fooled me. Did you seriously think that I will love you after this? No. You forced me!" I snapped at her with anger mounting inside me.

"Forced you? That's absurd! It's you who forced me. None of this will happen if only you love me and no one else but no you decided to cancel our marriage since you fell out of love with me and it's all because you have another woman. I won't accept it!" she pointed a finger at me.

"If I can't have you then I'll make sure that no one can." her tone in high pitch.

"I don't love you and I never loved you! Why can't you understand as simple as that?" I retorted back at her however she seemed less persuaded much to my disappointment. "I'm leaving." I said in defeat as I searched for my clothes and there I found them on the floor.

"Forgive me if I did something cruel but I want you to know that I did it because I love you and I certainly don't want you to marry someone else instead of me." Yuuki put back her innocent facade as I dressed myself in front of her.

I didn't care. I thought to myself as I finished attaching the last button of my shirt and grabbed my coat before heading towards the door in an inappropriate manner.

"Wait!" she called to me but I didn't send her a single glance because if I did – I might not hesitate from hitting a woman for good.

"You will take responsibility for this. What would you do I got pregnant because of this? I don't think you're a cruel man as to let your future child be raised in a home with an incomplete family am I right?" she reasoned out.

I said nothing not because I agreed but rather I lost the choice to disagree.

"I don't love you and you are not my first." I replied just as I walked out of the room and I heard her gasped just before I closed the door behind me.

―

I ignored all the maids' assistance as soon as I returned back and definitely not minding the indecent attitude I was displaying since I could care less about it right as of this moment. I strode towards the only room I can put myself to ease and that was my painting room – my sanctuary.

I slammed the door closed and locked it right after I entered the room.

My mind was going in endless circle as I paced back and forth inside the room. The paintings couldn't soothe my resentment and it enraged me further than necessary. I face palmed myself as I tried to put my disputing emotions in control.

This can't be happening. I tried to comprehend the predicament in front of me but I couldn't no matter what I do. I was so confused more than before.

I ran my fingers on my hair to lull my agitation because I felt like I'll lose myself sooner or later. But that went in vain from the moment I laid my sight on the beautiful painting of him that would supposed to remind me of the precious times I spent with him.

But seeing his gorgeous face did the opposite.

Because instead of bringing me happiness and joy like always, it gave me too much guilt. Too much that I wanted to let loose and free myself from its burdening pain thus I lifted the first thing I touched before throwing it in the air without a bit of reluctance.

"I don't love you woman! Why can't you understand that!?" I screamed on the top of my lungs as I stared on the canvas I threw and it didn't bother me watching it crashed on the wall with its wooden frame breaking in half.

"And you forced me!" I hissed under my breath before grabbing a tripod easel and likewise I didn't think twice of throwing it will all my strength and fury. Immense guilt continued to kill me inside which only drove me to the limit.

Who is to blame for your guilt? Kaito' words descended in me like a huge blow and it made me go livid much more.

"I am not a coward!" I shouted as I thrashed around on the equipment nearby with all the oil paints spilling on the marble floor. "Kaname dear please open the door." I heard my mother spoke on the other side of the door but it didn't calm me much to my annoyance.

You'll be in denial because you are a coward. Those filthy words sank on me again and it infuriated me.

"I am not denying anything!" I punched an unused canvas so strong that my fist went through to the back. Heat radiated in my body as it drenched my skin in its own sweat. I trembled so much in rage despite the exhaustion that was starting to get into me.

"Kaname!" my mother called to me in hysteria when she saw me in such state upon forcing her way in. She must have demanded for a duplicate key from Seiren.

Juri rushed to me before embracing my trembling body in a hug without a second thought.

Yes. I'll be your lover.

Zero's pretty words resonated inside my head and somehow it calmed me. But instead of entrancing me with delight like the time I first heard it, it entrapped me with so much anguish that I failed to notice that I was already shedding tears.

"I'm so sorry." I murmured as I hid my tearful eyes with my palm.

"I'm really sorry." I mumbled between my sobs. The pain and guilt was so unbearable and I couldn't take it anymore. It was killing me so much that I just wanted nothing but to be free from this misery.

"I give up." I whispered in absolute hopelessness.

Tears continued to cloud my red-wine eyes but even in the distorted sight, I could still see the disaster I created in my painting room but among the damaged equipment stood the still intact and beautiful painting of my gorgeous lover.

―

The same sound of the solid pendulum from the grandfather clock echoed throughout the room while I sat on the same comfortable canapé with my darling mother occupying the similar one across me but rather than feeling tense like yesterday – I felt depressed.

This guilt was eating me alive from inside and out.

"Are you sure? At first you wanted to stay behind for a promise then the next thing I heard is that you wanted to come along all of a sudden. Is something wrong?" Juri asked.

I stared at my paint stained hands while measuring the words I'll speak to her.

"It is something terrible and that's the reason why I decided to leave because it will hurt that person if I don't." It's better to hurt him one last time than hurt him much more with the bitter truth. I replied in distress without mentioning the last sentence.

I would rather betray him with a broken promise than betray him with something more painful.

"So in other words you meant to end your relationship with her by leaving? What is this terrible thing you did that you don't want her to know?" she questioned me with her sad eyes reflecting mine.

"It's not about what I did mother. It's about what I will do. I don't want to hurt that person when I made up my mind and concluded to take responsibility for my mistake." I muttered.

"And you're right. I meant to end our relationship." I added with despair in my tone.

The mere thought of ending my relationship with him was enough to rip the muscle wall of my heart but in spite of the tormenting pain, I still held firm on my decision. I was doing this for him and only him even though it seemed foolish.

"What is this mistake, son?" she inquired however I said none in return.

It was not because I fear she'll not understand but it was because she doesn't need to know. It was not like she can do anything about it because in one way or another – I still slept with Yuuki and besides this responsibility was not for my mother to take. It was entirely mine.

She sighed in defeat after hearing nothing from me.

"Truth to be told, I don't understand you and your reasons but one thing I know is that you are doing this not for yourself but for your lover however are you sure this is for the best? Not all good choices bring good consequences." she advised me with her wisdom.

"I'm telling you this because I don't want you to be in regret in the end." she added.

"No mother. I don't think I'll be since I am already in deep regret." I murmured in complete remorse.

The wise advice may seemed persuading and it almost gave me a change of heart but thinking how it will pained Zero if I remained here was enough reason for me to lose faith in myself and that was why I am no longer doing this for my own sake and selfishness.

"Can't you at least see her one last time?" Juri asked such a sensitive question to me that only made my heart more vulnerable than it was.

I looked at my mother like a forsaken man who had lost everything in the world. "I can't. I don't have a single bit of courage to see that person." I responded with a sad smile drawing in my lips.

I was too guilty and shameful to see him.

―

Sorrow and sadness engulfed my soul as I stared at the train ticket in my hand which was destined to another city today. Somehow there was still a part of me that desired to stay behind and I bet it was just the burden of my promise because after all I this was the last promise I have.

The last promise I can no longer keep.

It had been a miserable week for me and the past couple of days were pure torture because the aching guilt still had not subsided but more than that – what killed me the most was the agony of ending my precious relationship with Zero.

I didn't want to end it but I need to.

I inhaled a dull breath as I placed the ticket inside my pocket before looking at my painting room for the last time.

There was nothing to bring with me because I lost the interest to paint something around this time hence I decided not to include my painting equipment in my package of personal belongings.

While roaming my eyes around the room, his beautiful painting caught my attention and it sent immense grief in my heart that it began to throb inside my chest and I almost wince in pain.

Nevertheless it didn't ceased me from pacing closer to it with a growing desire to see him, hug him and kiss him again. I reached to his picture with a longing hand and depression came flooding my senses the second my fingertips touched the smooth surface of his image.

"I'm so sorry." I said in a sad whisper.

I know I should just be honest to Zero and tell him everything. He was understanding and I know that he'll forgive me again, and that was exactly why I don't want to tell him because I don't deserve forgiveness from him especially when I won't be choosing him now.

To be precise, I can't choose him.

It was not because of my responsibility and obligation as a man who slept with a woman but because our relationship will go back to being a secret affair and I didn't want that. It'll be even worse if Yuuki became pregnant since she'll have more relation to me as a father of her child.

Zero will suffer the agony of being the second lover for the rest of his life and he doesn't deserve it.

I swore to myself that I will never repeat such mistake again and I will even if it means ending our precious relationship. I was doing this to spare him from the heartache.

I closed my eyes as I began to imagine him physically in front of me instead of his illustrated image. I imagined him smiling at me while I caressed his beautiful face with my hands. I imagined him pulling me in a gentle embrace and enveloping me with his warm arms.

I love you. I imagined him telling me those sweet little words of him.

"Goodbye." I murmured before blinking my eyes open and his drawn illustration was what greeted me that I nearly wanted to run out of the room and go to him personally. I guess I was missing him.

I immediately concealed his painting with a clean cloth despite the need to stare at it for more however the time was nearing and I must leave while I still have the courage to. I turned on my heels and proceeded to pick up my leather suitcase before walking to the door.

"The carriage is prepared, Sir." Seiren informed me the moment she saw me striding down the stairs.

Through the opened door, I could see my horse carriage in wait with all my luggage trunks secured on top of the stagecoach. It was already raining profoundly outside and the chilling breeze was not making me comfortable in the least.

"Sir Haruka and Madam Juri left a couple of minutes ago and they told me to tell you that they will be waiting at the train station." my maid added and I merely nodded before stepping out to the porch.

Seiren assisted me with an umbrella and I thanked her with a faint smile despite the gloomy emotion I had but before I could even open the door of the coach quarters, a voice called to me – a familiar voice that would always rang pleasantly in my ears.

"Kaname!" I turned to look at the owner of the voice and it stunned me to see Zero in front of my eyes. He was soaked wet from the rain while catching his breath and I knew by then that he must have ran all the way here. He ran in the middle of the rain just to see me.

But why was he here?

―

 **Zero Kiryu**

Half an hour earlier...

"Could you lend me a hand here? I had my assistant gone in an errand." Yagari called to my attention from the door and I knew that he needed someone to serve wine on his regular customers. Indeed I preferred to call him Sensei than Yagari because the latter sounded fit for his age.

Besides he likes it because it made him feel young.

"Alright. Just give me a minute, old man." I teased him as I put on a long sleeved shirt and he snorted before leaving. I had a change of clothes because of the cold weather.

Then after closing the wardrobe, I noticed the red rose in the glass vase Kaname gave to me the last time he was here and that was a week ago. It came to my realization that it was already weak and wilting.

The water must have gone cold. I thought and immediately made a note to myself to replace it with warm water soon. Somehow looking at its poor condition gave me an unpleasant feeling of loneliness as if someone will leave me. It must be my imagination.

"Here's the Burton Ale." my foster father handed me a wooden tray with beer-filled glasses.

I carried the tray with me to one of the tables occupied by adult men who were having a good leisure time. Their faces lit up as soon as they saw the drinks they ordered.

"You want a job? I thought you got one from a distinguished noble family?" I heard one of them asked as I started serving them their beverages. Needless to say, it was not my interest to listen to other people's conversation but I couldn't avoid it since I am near them.

"I did. But unluckily they will be gone for a trip or so they told me." the other replied.

"That is sad to hear though because it's a rare opportunity for you and since it is also one of the rich nobles out there, the Kuran family right?" the first man requited and hearing that surname caught me off guard.

"Pardon me, but did you say that they are leaving?" I asked the other with restlessness spreading inside me.

"That's right. Their whole family is leaving today and I also heard that Sir Cross and his daughter will be with them. Oh, can I have a cigar beetle?" upon ending his sentence, I accidentally dropped the tray I am holding because of shock.

The crashing sound of glass breaking didn't snap me. It couldn't be. He promised me that he will stay. He promised me.

I heard my adoptive father calling to me but I didn't answer. Dreadful feeling bore holes in my heart and before I came to see it, I was already running outside full of desperation and the cold rain only ignited fear in me.

Please don't leave me. I held back a cry.

* * *

Oh Gods. Sorry for the late update. I had to finish my projects. Hahaha.

ANyway, here's a long one for you.

Don't forget to leave a review.

I love you all!

:)


	18. His Goodbye

**Chapter 17: His Goodbye**

"Sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter."

– Melissa Marr

 **Kaname Kuran**

The rain still poured down profoundly outside and the humid atmosphere was enveloping my body in a cold embrace. However it was nothing compared to how my blood felt cold as I stared at the man I wanted to see least in this day, the man named Zero.

"Kaname..." he called to me in between his raspy breath.

But why was he here? Even though I wanted to know why, I immediately dismissed the thought and tried to think for a good excuse but I couldn't think of one.

"Where are you going? Why do you have luggage with you?" he asked me and the miserable look he was giving me only made my guilt more burdensome than it was.

He stood trembling from the cold in front of me and just looking at his state made it all the more difficult for me to leave. Steam continued to escape his angelic lips and somehow it brought me the urge to kiss him passionately to warm him but I held back.

I looked away unable to see him straight and deep in the eyes. I gritted my teeth together, incapable of answering his question truthfully. I simply stood helpless on my two feet.

"Why aren't you saying anything?" he asked me again and this time he tried to reach to me with his shaking hand but I slapped his hand away in impulsiveness.

It gave me more guilt but I endured it. I didn't want him to touch me, knowing that his gentle touch would give me a change of heart and make all my problems dwindle away. I didn't want him to touch me because it will make me feel weak more than anything.

I didn't want him to touch me because I was a disgusting unfaithful man.

He stared at me shocked of my harsh action towards him and it made him more dismal. Tears were starting to cloud his lavender eyes despite his obvious attempt to hold it back.

"Please don't leave me." he pleaded in desperation and hearing those words felt like a punch in my chest and I almost wanted to cry if it wasn't for my pointless courage.

Please go away. Don't make this harder for me. I thought to myself.

But it didn't reach him. "You promised me. You promised me you will stay..." he said with his faint tone fading out of grief however those words shattered the last control I had left in my conflicting emotions.

"Promise? I should be the one saying that to you because in fact you're the first one who promised me that you wouldn't bother me anymore after that night but did you? No because you had the nerve to appear on that dinner." I replied, enraged.

"It was you who first broke your promise when you agreed to teach me on the piano because you could have refused regardless of the reason but you did not. To make matter worse, you agreed to be my affair when you could have denied if you are wise enough." I included.

"It was all your fault and you just had to push all the blame and guilt to me. Who's the cruel one huh?" I exclaimed with all anger in me but it subsided the moment I saw the defeated expression he had in his face.

The demise look on him like his heart died and it crushed me in the inside.

I cursed myself under my breath and proceeded to climb the stagecoach with Seiren still assisting me by my side with an umbrella. It didn't bother me that she got to see such spectacle because I trust her that she will not tell a soul about it. Before I could enter the quarters, familiar arms clung into me in embrace.

"I'm so sorry! I'll do anything you'll say so please don't leave me." I could feel the tremor in his chest against my back and it took a lot of self-control to not look back, also to not hug him in return.

"Then let go of me." I asked while trying to sound as composed as I can be.

However he merely did the opposite. He held onto me tighter. Deep in my heart I wanted to surrender on my desire and beg him not to let me go but my reasons denied my feelings. It was so hard to be torn between what I want and what I need.

It was so hard to say goodbye to the person I cared the most.

"No. I'll never let you go. I knew that one day you won't choose me and I am prepared for it. I prepared myself to let go." Zero whimpered with a hoarse voice.

"But I can't. I can't bring myself to let go of you. I don't care if you'll hate me because just this once I want to be selfish. I want to be selfish and keep you to myself. I love you so much I don't want to let go. I love you." he added as his fingers dug into my clothes.

"I don't need you and I regret meeting you in the first place." I forced a heartless lie.

It seemed that he was distraught to hear that since his arms limped around me and I took the opportunity to push him away from me before getting inside the quarters and securing the door with a lock. He regained his balance and tried his best to open the door.

I need you and I don't regret meeting you. I said to myself as I looked at him through the glass window. I dug my fingers on my palm in endeavor to restrain myself from opening the door.

"Goodbye." I mouthed with just my lips and unable to speak the words.

He stared at me devastated with his tears starting to fall down his sad eyes. "Please don't leave." was what he mouthed in a frail whisper just before the carriage took off. Soon his beautiful face disappeared from my sight and it was then that I began to break down in tears.

"I'm so sorry." I cried in my hands and it grieved me even more when I heard him calling to me. He was chasing me and it cascaded more guilt in my heart.

―

 **Zero Kiryu**

Goodbye.

That single word my lover mouthed was all that needed to crumble my world to the ground and crushed my heart to pieces. I wanted to submit to the pain and cry my soul out but why? Why was I running and chasing the carriage? Why was I calling to his name?

Why was I still hoping for him to stop and come back to me? Why was I still holding on?

"Kaname!" I screamed with all my breath as I persisted to run after the retreating carriage in front of me. The distance was still within my reach and I will keep running until my feet bleeds. I will keep chasing until I can't stand anymore. I will keep calling to him until my throat hurt.

I will keep holding on until the end.

"Kaname!" I called to him again despite the strained voice I had. The chilling rain drenched me from head to toe and the freezing gust of wind hit me now and then but it didn't cease me from pursuing the stagecoach which made a detour to the main road. 1

My shoes were starting to become soaked from the rain puddle everywhere but I paid no care on it. People were looking at me but I could care less on them. Tears were blending on the droplets of rain on my face and I resisted on closing my eyes because I feared that I will no longer see the carriage if I did.

Will you be my affair?

I cried even more that I stumbled on the road and falling on a dirty puddle. I rather be your affair again if it means you staying by my side. I thought as I hurried on standing again on my feet before resuming on rushing to the carriage that was taking my lover away from me.

"Stop!" I shouted in hope that the carriage will stop but it didn't much to my dismay. I can tell that he can hear me so why was he not doing anything instead of ordering the coach to stop?

Why was he not looking back at my direction?

The muscles in my legs ached and my lungs were losing its remaining breath but still I tried to close the distance even though it was already out of my reach. "Kaname please..." I attempted to scream but my weak voice refused to.

Will you be my lover?

"Please don't leave me." I whispered in a sob with my feet reducing in speed. Tears burned my eyes that it hurts and it stung more when I could no longer see the carriage I was frantic on pursuing.

Anguish meld into me and I cried much more when I couldn't bear the painful agony lingering in my heart. It was killing me with despair – the despair of a broken heart.

The frigid rainfall was drowning my existence in a cold bitterness of sorrow. Fatigue buried numbness in my muscles that I started to lose balance and it didn't even took a minute for me to remain standing on my legs before hitting my knees on the solid ground.

"Please come back." I said in a silent cry while clutching on the front of my shirt in futile attempt to stop the throbbing pain inside my chest.

"Please tell me you love me too." I mumbled with a quivering lips but I heard none except the loud and endless noise of raindrops around me. I did not sense the voice I wanted to hear and the words I wanted him to say because after all he was no longer here.

Horse carriages and barouches were avoiding me and people with umbrellas were glancing at me without a care before looking away like I was not there.

Then someone came behind me and I turned to look but only to see him holding an umbrella as he stood there with his hazel eyes meeting mine. He reached his hand to me but I didn't take it, not because I refuse to but because I can't stand nor walk neither – I was feeling numb.

He seemed to understand without me telling him since he bent down and sat on his heels with his back facing me.

"I'll carry you." Kaito said in a subtle tone and I abode without hesitation hence I grabbed onto his broad shoulders before clinging to him. He passed me the umbrella so that he could hold on my legs which he did so with gentleness.

"Why are you here?" I asked with a rasping voice.

"I lived nearby and I was walking home when I happen to see you." he replied as he began to stroll on the sidewalk. The nearby shop windows were mirroring the both of us and I could say that it was such an embarrassing sight but I paid no heed. I was too heartbroken to care.

"Why are you here?" he repeated that question to me although it only hardened the pounding sensation in my chest and I bet that he could feel it against his back.

"He left me." were the words I could only tell but that small phrase told him everything and my mute cry was enough explanation because he didn't inquire anymore. He simply let me be and I lamented on my sorrow again as he carried me on his way home in the middle of the rain.

Goodbye.

That single word my lover mouthed was all that needed to rob me of my happiness and break me all over again but then why was I forgiving him again? Why do I still love him?

―

Kaito became silent from then on and he still stayed like that as he cleansed me with a damped fabric cloth. He lent me a change of clothes thus making me comfortable for the time being.

He was staring at me while cleaning my neck but I, on the other hand, was staring blankly on his bedroom window without a word and the both of us remained like that here on his bed. I watched the decreasing rain outside with boredom and a saddening burden inside my chest.

The little rain drops on the window surface caught my jaded attention and observing how those small drops slid down the glass somehow made my tears descended from eyes.

The man I loved the most left me.

I felt abandoned. I felt so broken and lifeless inside. Life without him was simply dull and hopeless. Tears burned my eyes again and it stung even more painful than before. Without him, my love is lost.

Tender warmth pressed against face and my tears were wiped away by a moistened cloth I had snubbed and by a man I had ignored for a minute. He continued to stare at me with his emotionless eyes and stoic facial features but his hands were different – they felt kind.

"Tell me I'm stupid just like that time." I blurted all of a sudden.

"Tell me I'm a fool for letting him take advantage of me. Tell me I'm an idiot for loving a man like him. Insult me, laugh at me and make of fun of me however you like." I told him but he didn't listen to me.

He didn't do what I told him to do and he just stared at me again.

"No. I won't." he replied before starting to collect the things he used to clean me. "But I'll be here so you won't feel alone." he added as he stood up from the bed. I said nothing in response because I couldn't understand why he was not bold like the last time.

I dismissed the thought and proceeded to lie down on the bed. In the meantime, he sat on the floor beside the bed with his back against the wall. Was he perhaps doing this out of pity?

"I don't need your compassion, Kaito." I claimed before turning around so his face won't be the first thing I will see when I wake up because after all he was not the one I wanted to be here. I no longer hear the rain before I fell deep in sleep.

―

It was cold.

My whole body was chilling and the blanket around me was not heating me a bit. I felt cold but my skin was sweating unusually. I groaned in discomfort now and then until I felt hands stirring me from my slumber.

"Zero, you have a fever." a deep voice said to my half-awake self.

The pair of hand detached from me which followed by a series sound of footstep going down and up the wooden staircase before I felt something cool on my forehead, must be a doused towel. But still the freezing sensation didn't leave me.

"I-I'm cold." I stuttered in languish.

Soon the blanket was removed from me in an instant then I blinked my eyes open only to see Kaito undressing of his upper garments and he was shirtless not too long. He leaned down to me before stripping me of my shirt as well and I didn't struggle as due to immense weariness.

"What are you doing?" I mumbled however he didn't answer. He simply laid his body next to me before pulling me in an embrace with both our bared chest against each other and it let me feel his body heat, thus warming me up in the process.

"What if you get ill too?" I asked concerned but he shrugged it.

"Then let me fall ill. I don't want you suffering by yourself." he said as he enveloped his arms around my body and pulling me much closer to him.

"I want you to share all the burden and pain you have. I will absorb it and take everything away. I will do anything for you to not cry again." he added and I could feel this beating heart on the palm of my hands since I was unable to return his embrace.

"I don't need you feeling sorry for me." I interrupted him but he shrugged it again.

"I don't. I am not doing this to earn your love or anything. I am just a man helping the person he cares for. If I'll make you fall in love with me, then I'll do it when you are back to health." he claimed with so much affection that I felt vulnerable.

"Sleep." he murmured and I heeded.

"I don't love you." was what I said last, although I had a feeling that he was not bothered by the fact that I was in love with another. I don't want to hurt him because I know how painful an unrequited love was.

Then it reminded me the time Kaname hummed me our song. He held me the same way Kaito was holding me but it was not all the same because I did not hear the same lullaby and I was not holding onto the same man my body wanted to embrace.

"Please don't leave me, Kaname." I sniffled just as I closed my eyes before waiting for sleep to conquer me again. My body was no longer feeling cold and my skin was not sweating anymore. The pair of arms around me was making me feel safe and secured in my sleep.

It was warm.

―

 **Kaname Kuran**

"How long will it be until we reach the third station?" I asked my mother who was sitting in front of me beside my father.

"Two hours in the least." she replied and I resumed on looking through the glass window on my right.

The first class passenger car was similar to how it feels like inside an expensive stagecoach. The seat cushion was made of dark leather but comfortable enough to relax our body. The cove light on the ceiling was plain design and nothing more.

Everything seemed ordinary to me that it was almost dull and boring.

"Is something the matter, son?" my father inquired me before glancing on the seats across our left and I followed his look, and there my sight met with the woman who made me left the man I wanted to be with the most.

Yuuki and her father were coming with us because it was them who owned the cabin mansion in the mountains where me and my parents will stay for the rest of the winter season, and that would only mean that I will be with my ex-fiancée all the time.

"No. I am fine, father." I answered before looking away and staring back at the window because the scenery outside was much more entertaining than the scene inside. The rain had died a couple of minutes ago but the burden in my chest was as thick as the remaining humid in the air.

I felt the guilt creating hollowness in my heart.

As much as I wanted to jump out of this train and run back to him, this guilt was holding me back – the guilt of being a useless person who broke the pure heart of a beautiful man and the guilt of being a cruel lover to that beautiful man.

Nevertheless I endured this guilt knowing that I was doing this for him.

So what if I chose to take responsibility to what happened between me and Yuuki? That doesn't mean I will care for her like how I care for him. That doesn't mean I will touch her intimately again since after all I didn't love her.

I was not and will never be in love with her.

"Did you bring all the things you needed?" Juri tried to lift up my mood by changing our topic but it was not helping me a single bit.

"I'm going to sleep for a while." I refused to answer her question since I know she was aware of what my answer would be. She nodded her head in response and soon I rested my eyes close.

The guilt may still be here within me but it was nothing compared to the feeling like something in me was missing. It felt like I left a huge part of me behind. It was a part of my body and I can't comprehend what it was. All I can say was that I left whatever it was behind.

I left it to Zero.


	19. His Solitude

Chapter 18: His Solitude

"Solitude has soft, silky hands;

but with strong fingers it grasps the heart and makes it ache with sorrow."

– Kahlil Gibran

* * *

 **Zero Kiryu**

It had been a week since my lover, Kaname, left me and I spent all those days moping in despair. I tried to pretend once that everything was alright but it was useless. The things around me only made me remember him all the time and the happiness we shared in the past.

But that happiness was what tore me apart because I know that it will never happen again.

These sad thoughts of mine still engulfed me as I continued to live my days without him and saying that it was difficult was merely an understatement. There was nothing harder than waking up one day to realize that our relationship was over and he was no longer here.

"Place these carnations next to the gardenias," said a masculine voice.

I turned my head around and I was greeted by a familiar pair of lilac eyes looking down on me.

I stood up from the floor before taking the flower pot from him without a word. He stared at me for a moment as if debating on something but soon he let me be. I placed the said flower pot on the plant stand near the only display window of this shop and next to the gardenias.

The man earlier was my brother, Ichiru. He was my twin and he was younger than me by a minute although his appearance and personality appeared more mature than mine hence people sometimes mistook me as the younger one.

The both of us were once very close even after he learned that I was different, in a way that I was not attracted to women. He accepted me for who I was but then our close relationship began to strain when I became someone's secret affair.

My brother accepted the person I was but not the person I love.

I looked over the shop window and I frowned upon seeing my own reflection. Dark circles were marking themselves under my eyes and my lips were no longer flushed like always. The cream color of my face diminished that I ended up looking pale – dead pale.

I ignored my unhealthy appearance and proceeded to resume on nurturing the plants.

Like my brother who owned this shop, I also adored anything and everything about flowers and plants, their softness against my fingers when I touch them and their unique colors when I stare at them were always my source of comfort all the time.

And right now, they were my solace for my broken heart.

"Yagari told me everything. I'm sorry for not being there for you." the same voice came beside me.

"I know and I understand but still... you don't forgive me for cheating on someone else' fiancée right?" I replied as I picked up a water bucket nearby before starting to water the flowers and plants mildly to prevent them from withering.

"I got what I deserve." I included without sparing a glance on him out of fear that I'll see him angry again just like the time I confessed to him about my relationship with the person I was forbid to be with.

"What did you say?" Ichiru asked with his tone sounding upset right after I told him about what happened on the dinner I had with Kaname and Yuuki earlier.

"I said that I agreed to be his affair. I know it is wrong but I love him and I want to be his even if our relationship is sinful. Please understand me." I explained my reason to him while still wearing the vent suit I wore during the dinner.

"How can you expect me to understand it? I told you that you can't love someone who is already engaged, why can't you listen to me?" he retorted as he struggled on sitting still on the wooden bar stool.

Yagari, on the other hand, was quietly listening to our argument behind the bar counter with a tobacco in his mouth.

"I know you love him but that doesn't mean he loves you too all because he asked you to be his affair. It's clear to me that he is only using you!" he added loudly as I merely stood a couple of feet from him lost for words.

"You will not see him again." he finished and it made my heart stiffened.

"Please don't do this. I am aware that he is not in love with me but I don't care. I am willing to do anything and be anything for him because that is how much I love him." I reasoned out with tears building in my eyes.

Then all of a sudden, he slammed both his fists on the table hard and loud enough to scare me.

"Fine, do what you want! But don't you speak to me again. I don't condone anyone committing an immoral relationship even if that person is my own twin." he bellowed with his sharp glare emitting resentment towards me.

Seeing him that way for the first time terrified me so much that I didn't really speak to him since then, although I still came here in his shop.

But then why talk to him now? Seriously I didn't know why.

It might be because somewhere deep in me, I need my brother. I need to see him and feel him so that I can at least forget the immense pain I had in my chest.

"I already forgave you a long time ago." Ichiru said and I was stunned to hear that, which I paused on the chore I was doing then a feeling of relief began to clasp around my soul.

He was staring straight at me when I sent a look to him. "If there is someone I truly couldn't forgive then it won't be you or him, it will be me. I can't forgive myself for not being there when he left you. I'm so sorry Zero." he claimed with his expression full of regret.

"Don't blame yourself after all I should have listened to you in the first place." I responded with a grimace. I wonder since when did I became so pessimistic of myself.

"I blame it all on me." I added further with remorse spreading within me.

He simply sighed after taking the water bucket from me. "It's time for you to go home. Thanks for helping me here. I appreciate it." he gave me a single pat on my shoulder before turning his back to me. I watched him walked away.

I didn't want to go home.

As much as I dislike staying in a place that won't comfort me, I didn't have anywhere else to go. I can't possibly stay with my brother considering that he was living together with his wife.

He was a married man and that was one of the reason he refused to accept my affair in the beginning.

I put on my coat and ready to call it a day when I heard my brother called to me again. "I may be younger than you and I probably won't do much help either however... I'll always be here if you need a shoulder to cry on." Ichiru said with his back still facing me.

"I know." I let out a ghost smile.

I paced towards the door and went to grab the handle but I halted for a moment to inhale the fragrance of flowers inside. The aroma was bequeathing a pleasant feeling in me that it erased the remorse I had in myself. But it couldn't the erase the emptiness I had in my heart.

This emptiness in me that only him could fill.

―

The tavern was the same like every day and will remain the same for the countless days ahead. Common people with faces I know were in their best laughter like the numerous times they were here. Everything was the same and will still be the same.

The world was still and will go on like my painful love didn't exist.

"Oh it's you. Good because someone has been waiting for you here for half an hour." Sensei informed me after seeing that it was me who came through the entrance door. My heart immediately leaped upon hearing his statement and a spark of hope ignited in me.

A little of hope that the man I love came back for me.

But disappointment crushed my feelings in a heartbeat when I casted my sight on the man sitting on the bar stool in front of my adoptive father. The handsome person looked over his shoulder and he smiled after seeing me.

"Kaito, what are you doing here?" I asked astonished.

He shifted on his seat to face my direction before crossing his legs decently. "Is there something I should do other than visiting?" he teased me and I knew by then that he was probably trying to lift up my mood because his honest eyes said so.

Since anyone could tell I was not doing well at first glance, seeing how pallid my face was.

I ignored him without further ado because I certainly didn't need him worrying over me like it was his obligation to. I didn't need him.

"I'll go to my room so please don't make dinner for me, Sensei. I don't have appetite." my feet strode past the barroom and into the staircase. Somewhere in my mind, I can imagine my father with concern masking his face since breakfast was the only meal I had not skipped in this day.

All through this week, I had been taking less and less food and he had been insisting me to not miss a single meal but I continued my persistence – my stomach really had no appetite.

It didn't take a minute for me to reach my bedroom and glum darkness was concealing the entire room once I opened the door though I didn't bother to turn on the lights because the dimness will give me solitude and that was exactly what I want right now.

The desire to be alone.

I locked the door behind me and advanced to the bed before slumping myself on top of it. The comfortable sensation enveloped my body with luxury which made my muscles relaxed to its defenselessness. The soft fabric touched me in the face so tenderly it pained me.

The scent of flowers shrouding my clothes instantly raided my senses that I felt my eyes beginning to sting from the tears.

I didn't need the bed to comfort me. I didn't need the perfume-like smell to ease me. I don't need someone to console me. I didn't need anyone to feel sorry for me. I only need him and him only.

I need my lover to be here with me.

I need his presence beside me. I need his arms around me for an embrace. I need his hands on my skin for a caress. I need his voice for a lullaby. I need his lips on mine for a kiss. I need all of him.

I need him so badly it hurts.

Abundant solitariness confined me with its silence trapping me in the deepest abyss of my own depression. Sorrow and grief drilled great pain in my chest and the feeling of loneliness was sinking my soul into oblivion – everything no longer felt right.

This hollowness inside me was slowly devouring me whole.

"Why did you leave me, Kaname? Didn't you asked me to be your lover? Didn't you tell me that you'll end your marriage with her? Didn't you promise me that you'll be here? So why?" a low cry escaped my lips and tears eluded from my eyes.

"Why can't you love me too?" I gripped the bed sheets beneath me.

My heart was lamenting on its own ache when a couple of knocks resounded on the door. A lump tangled in my throat which prevented my cries from rising.

"Zero, are you alright?" I recognized that deep tone without a failure and I forced to swallow back the lump before gathering the strength of my voice.

"Please leave me alone. I didn't ask for you to come here and I didn't ask for you to be concern for me. Please I need to be alone." I tried my best not to whimper but it didn't sound well much to my dismay.

"I brought you your dinner." the sound of door knob turning resonated though sadly, he won't be able to open it since I locked it. Why was he so obstinate on taking care of me?

"I am not hungry. Please leave me alone already will you?" I pleaded in desperate.

"No I refuse to leave you. Had I not tell you that I won't let you be alone? Had I not also tell you that I want you to share all the burden and pain you have?" Kaito replied on the other side and somehow hearing those words irritated me so much I want him to disappear.

"No one asked you to not leave me alone and I absolutely won't share anything to you! I don't need you!" I screamed in haste that I felt my anger vibrating in me.

However instead of hearing his footstep fading into the distance, I heard him take a seat in front of the door and hinting to me that he will not move an inch from there and it infuriated me more.

"Fine! Sit there until morning for all I care. I never asked for your help and will never do. So stop pretending that you care for me when you are really are doing this out of pity!" I seethed loud enough for him to hear yet he still didn't budge from his place.

I didn't need him.

He was annoying me to no end hence I disregard him completely before burying my face on the soft pillow. Then it reminded me of the morning I had been together with the love of my life, the morning where everything was alright.

The last morning of our relationship.

The appealing smell of a rose and the delicate touch of its petals against my lips and chest, the memories still felt so real to me – so real that it tormented me all over again.

Such miserable thought brought more anguish in me that I had no will to hold back my cries and I was no longer sure how long I cried that night. I can't remember how many times I called my lover's name until sleep imprisoned me on a dreamless slumber.

―

The noise of people gathering downstairs woke me up and I groaned upon feeling a tingling ache around my dried eyes as a result of my endless crying all night.

The usual soreness was welcoming my body in its morning ritual which I would sometimes wonder if I was getting into the worst of depression but to tell the truth, I rather prefer this depression than the unending torture of my unrequited love.

It was such a cruelty how my trust, hope and wish were all crushed in a single day.

"Tell me, Kaname, is there a reason for me to wait for you?" I mumbled uncertain. Insecurities and doubts were clouding my mind that I actually fear for something for the first time in my life.

I fear to hope again.

I pushed the thoughts to the depths of my mind as I tiredly sat up from the bed. The fragrance of carnations and gardenias was still cloaked on my now crumpled clothes then out of the blue, I remembered Kaito. Surely he won't still be in front of the door right?

Nonetheless my intuition told the opposite.

I stood up and headed for the door, hesitant to see if he was still there. Why was I so bothered? Itching anxiety crawled underneath my skin when I heard someone breathing through the wooden surface of my door.

It couldn't be him I was sure. It could be some drunken man falling asleep in the hallway right?

Uneasiness held my breath as I slowly opened the door and a tremor of shock pounded into me upon seeing him still sitting on the same spot last night with his arms crossed in his chest and a tray of food beside him. He was sleeping soundly despite the uncomfortable position he was in.

He really stayed here until morning and it was already near noon.

I felt guilt and conscience stabbing me in the back that I abruptly slammed the door closed out of disbelief. How could I be so harsh as to let him remain there when I had a choice to politely ask him to leave? How can I be so heartless?

"Zero?" I heard him asked and it made me feel bad for myself.

"I'm sorry." I murmured with my back sliding against the door until I reached the floor.

"I didn't mean to be bitter to you. I'm just afraid that others may take advantage of my weakness. I'm scared of trusting someone again. But then I shouldn't use my depression as an excuse because it is not enough reason for me to be insensitive." I explained while feeling more horrible of myself.

"Are you hungry?" he inquired. I don't know if he was evading the subject or he was simply not making a big deal about it.

The image of the food beside him lingered on my mind although I still didn't have that much appetite, maybe this was a good idea to make it up for my fault.

"I don't know but I'll try." I replied after reaching up to the doorknob without standing up. I opened the door wide enough for the wooden tray to fit inside and in just a short moment, I saw his hand pushed the tray on the floor before I closed the door again.

The food consisted of my favorite dinner meal my father had been making in attempt to bring back my appetite.

Surprisingly I felt my body gaining its hunger which I didn't neglect anymore hence I started to dig in on my meal and the cool temperature of the food couldn't stop me from finishing it in less than five minutes – I ate like a malnourished child.

"It's understandable if you can't trust me right now. I'll just have to prove it to you that I am not doing to this because I feel sorry for you." Kaito said and I could sense the honesty in his voice.

"I don't love you." I responded faster than the clock.

However he merely chuckled. "I know because you had said it to me for the third time already. I don't mind waiting for you to give me a chance and let me in inside your heart. I will heal all of your wounds with my love." he claimed with such words that made my heart kindled with warmth.

It made heat blushed in my face.

"Y-you're so direct." I stuttered, finding difficulty to accept what he just said after all he was the first person to have said something so sincere to me.

In spite of Kaname being my first love, he never once said something so genuine to me and hearing it from another felt strange for me. It felt peculiar and his words were kind of affecting me in a weird way that I didn't know how to react.

"I love you." he added and I bit my lower lip out of embarrassment.

"I'm sorry about last night." I averted the topic in endeavor to change the awkward atmosphere since I didn't know what else I would feel if he continued to say something so true from the heart.

"It's okay. I hold no hard feelings for that." he chuckled again.

―

It took us an hour talking about random things I asked him because likewise I had been trying to make him avoid speaking another honest word to me – words that would make me feel odd and speechless.

He was still here and he had been lending a hand on managing the tavern Yagari owned. I was occupied on my usual duty of being a server to our regular customers and Kaito, on the other hand, was on his bartending chores.

It was a great help for him to be here since he made work much easier for me and my adopted father and seeing him doing his best to help me, in any way he can, was really impressing me to no end.

And he was also helping me endure my depression.

"Can you clean the empty room across yours later before night?" Yagari requested while lighting his stick of tobacco beetle after he was done on tending the wine barrels.

"Eh? What for?" I asked as I placed the used beer mug on the bar counter for someone to clean later.

"That friend of yours, Kaito, asked me that he would like to work here yesterday. He also asked me to rent him a room and deduct the payment from his salary. I agreed since he doesn't seem a bad person so that's that." he replied and I was stunned to the core of my bones as I listened to his statement.

"He will be here with us from now on." He finished and a part of me told me that there will be a lot of surprises for me in the future.

* * *

Well, hello, Ichiru. Hahaha.  
I'm so sorry for the pain Zero's felt. I'm so evil. Dang!

Please don't forget to leave reviews!

Iloveyouall! :)


	20. His Memories

**Chapter 19: His Memories**

"Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart."

– Haruki Murakami

Piano Song: Broken Heart by Michael Ortega

I suggest you listen to the music while reading. It'll be worthwhile.

* * *

 **Zero Kiryu**

"Isn't it too cold for you to use those boots?" I hinted to my adoptive father as he put on his favored black cowboy boots made of snakeskin.

"The weather is fine and besides you know I can't go outside without walking with these." Yagari stubbornly grunted to me in which I replied with a sigh.

"Fine if you insist. But please bring these pair of warm boots to be sure." I said while handing him another pair of boots that looked more comfortable than the ones he chose to wear.

He got up from the chair once he was done before tugging on his long covert coat. He stood there ready and prepared with his bag of necessities, a double barrel shotgun inside a holster in his back and his brimmed cowboy hat – today was his hunting day.

It was his tradition, or should I say his hobby, to go hunting when the winter season had started.

"I'll be back tomorrow." he reminded me as he took the warm boots from me before walking to the door. I nodded in response and watched him left.

Today was Saturday and our tavern was closed during weekends.

So that would mean I would be alone with Kaito for a whole day until Yagari return. Well not that I do mind but rather because I was not used to have someone with me in here other than my adoptive father. I think it might be because I still didn't trust him.

I glanced at the cuckoo clock on the wall and it noted to me that it was past five in the morning.

"I guess I should make breakfast." I muttered to myself.

Then I went to the opposite side behind the bar where the cook stove was. The stove was placed far from the wine barrels and drinks since it could cause fire and accidents. If you may know, the barroom was both our kitchen and dining room too.

Indeed a strange house built for a commoner.

I placed enough wood inside before lighting it up with a match stick and the rest of the preparation goes on. I was busy minding the tea kettle that I failed to notice him going down the staircase already awake.

"Good morning." Kaito greeted and I snapped my head to his direction surprised.

"Oh... uh good morning too." I returned his greetings but with a trace of timid in it.

He was still in his night shirt and pants, also barefooted as he stared at me like for a minute but soon he withdrew his gaze and proceeded to look around the room.

"Where is your father?" he asked.

"He is out for a hunt. He will be gone for the whole day." I replied after taking the steaming tea kettle from the stove before pouring hot coffee in two coffee mugs. I served him the coffee.

"He's a hunter? What does he hunt?" he asked again while taking a small sip of his coffee.

"Yes he is. There are a lot of animals he hunt such as coyotes, deer, rabbits and bears. He sells them for additional income although sometimes he takes it home for food. Besides he enjoys hunting more than anyone because that's the man he is." I said.

I drank my coffee while cooking bacons and eggs that it took me a while to feel intense eyes on me, I looked over my shoulder and there I met his amused stare.

"Is something the matter?" I inquired confused.

He chuckled. "No it's nothing. I just enjoyed listening to your voice. Its charming." he claimed with a smile and it aroused heat into my face.

"I-It's not charming." I immediately turned my head away from him out of embarrassment.

"It is. Anyway do you have plans for the rest of the day?" he asked and I furrowed my eyebrows together on his question before putting the fire out and serving the meal on top of the bar counter.

"I do, why ask?" I took the second seat from his spot since I can't bring myself to sit next to him.

Kaito noticed the distance between us but said nothing about it. "Can I go with you? It seems I have nothing to do in the meantime so I figured that I'll come with you. Also I doubt that you'll let me be alone here especially when you still don't trust me yes?" he answered.

I looked at him astonished. I want to say to him that he was right that I didn't trust him but not in that sense. I didn't see him as someone who had an ill intention or whatever.

However the words didn't build because I still couldn't make myself open up to him.

"Of course you can. The two of us will leave in the afternoon and we'll head to the orphanage near the town square. It's been a while since I last visit the place." I said before digging on my meal.

"Orphanage?" it looked like the word had absorbed most of his attention. He stared at me puzzled.

Indeed he still doesn't know that I lived my childhood in an orphanage after the death of my parents when I was young. He still doesn't know that I grew up there with my brother until Yagari adopted us. There were so many things he doesn't know about me.

Why do I feel like I want him to know all of it? His honest hazel eyes made me want to tell everything about me?

Those eyes of him made me want to trust him.

"It is." I didn't tell him anything more because I was still wondering whether this will be a good opportunity to share things about me and see to it if I can trust him after that, just like how I trusted my lover before.

―

The outlook of a saltbox house came into our view as soon as we approached the place. Taking a ride in a carriage cost a money hence we walked all the way here. It was not that tiring for me since I was used to it but I didn't know if it does to the man who was with me.

"It's a nice place." Kaito complimented with unruffled composure. I guess he was used to walking too.

The house in front of us had three stories built, walls painted in apple maroon color, wooden roof stained in black and a single chimney in the middle. The small front yard consisted only of a single oak tree and untrimmed bushes.

A wooden sign hanged on the side of the door and it said Orphan's Home.

I paced towards the door before knocking a few. The noise of children laughing and playing echoed through the wooden surface and it made me enthusiastic to see them as early as possible.

Then a woman in her late forties, and in bloomer dress, answered the door and she instantly recognized me – after all me and my brother were once under her care before my foster father adopted us.

"Zero, how lovely to see you here." she beamed after giving me a hug. "And who might you be?" she added the moment she saw him standing beside me.

"Kaito Takamiya." he bowed his head a little in which the woman hailed his presence in return.

"Come in." she gestured the two of us in and the moment I came inside, a group of familiar children immediately welcomed me with cheerful smiles.

"Hello, mister!" they all greeted me in unison, "Did you come here to play the piano again?" one of them asked me and I nodded which only made them more thrilled of my visit. They were all so happy that they failed to be aware of the person with me until Kaito himself cleared his throat to catch the children's attention.

They went silent, wary of the stranger with me, but it didn't impede their curiosity.

"Who is he, mister?" a petite boy asked me while not taking his eyes away from him.

"This is Kaito. He's my... uh friend." I stuttered there for a second because I am not really sure of what he was to me and what I was to him. I didn't want to label him as a friend since I hardly define our relationship as friendship but then I didn't want to label him something unfitting.

"A friend, I thought the handsome man is your friend?" another child inquired and I knew who he was referring to – my handsome lover Kaname.

"He is a friend too but the handsome man is a special friend." I replied and somehow I could feel Kaito studying me intensely.

"Where is the handsome man, mister?" a girl asked and I felt that it hit something in me for I was beginning to lose my calm poise. I still have not gotten over the reality that Kaname left me even though I tried so hard to pretend I already had.

"He is not here. He left for a trip." I said while feeling like breaking down again in tears although a sudden but gentle pat in my shoulder made me regained back my strength.

"Where is the piano?" Kaito questioned out of the blue and I looked at him dumbfounded.

"In the second floor." the children responded in unison excitedly considering that they like listening to me playing the piano and it diverted them from the topic about the love of my life because they all ran upstairs in haste.

I looked back at the man next to me when realization dawn on me that he actually used the piano as an excuse to stop the children from asking me more about my lover.

He helped me even though I never asked him to.

―

Memories flooded into me the minute I entered the music room. The beautiful memories of me being in this room with the man I love, me teaching him to play the piano and the wonderful memories of us making love countless of times.

It was so beautiful and it was so painful.

The room was still the same like the last time I have been here. The upright piano where I had fallen in love with him over and over again, and also the couch that Kaname placed here was where I died in his arms every time he held me close.

This room was the remaining existence of our relationship.

"Are you alright?" Kaito looked at me worried. I nodded my head despite the inner denial I have, nonetheless I dismissed it right away before walking closer the wooden piano in the center of the room.

The smooth touch of the wood against my fingers brought burden in my chest. It was so difficult to pretend I was doing well when my mind and body remembers everything.

I sat on the piano seat after lifting the fallboard. I slid my palm across the flat keyboard and the memories of guiding my lover's hand with mine rushed into my head which only made my depression resurfaced in my soul.

I didn't bother to look at the music sheet because I already know what I would play and just like that, my fingers moved itself on its own.

The children sitting on the floor and on the couch disappeared from my senses, and Kaito, who was standing with his back against the door, was no longer in my perception.

I was alone with the music. This music I named Broken Heart.

Deep tune of each different keys resonated in me like a perfect rhythm. The melody sang the hurt I have from the bottom of my heart and every time I pressed a note, it chanted the tears I had cried and wasted for so many nights after that rainy day.

This sad music carried the sadness I couldn't take away.

I wonder if this music will reach the man I love. Would he come back if he heard this?

The low descant recited both the pleasant and the bitter words of his that had been burned inside the depths of my mind. The pretty promises, the sweet words that gave me hope, the grief of regret he felt for me and the cruel farewell he bid to me.

All of it played inside my head like a never-ending repetition.

It still pained me so harsh that I felt like giving up but never will I. However, on the other hand, I didn't know if I should wait for him to come back. Would that be a good idea?

The harmony soothed serenity in me yet it also stirred the agony in me at the same time. I composed this music in the past without a reason, what a splendid coincidence, but now it was the only thing my body wants and the only music my heart desires – it both eased and upset me.

The song soon ended without me realizing it since I was so engrossed on the feeling of it.

―

"It's so sad." one of the children sniffled, trying his best not to cry in front of the others. I forced myself not to make a sad smile because I, myself, was trying not to cry too.

"Does anyone know how to play that song?" Kaito asked an inane question again all of the sudden as he walked to me. Honestly, sometimes I can't understand him. The boy near him raised a hand and I knew that child caused I used to teach him piano in the past.

"Can you play it?" he requested politely in which the child agreed in return. I stood up from my seat, still confused, before letting the said boy take it.

"Would you like to dance, Zero?" I stared at him surprised as he offered a hand to me.

"Eh a dance? Why?" I asked in returned while trying to understand him and his actions. This was absolutely the least I had in my mind the morning I decided to pay the orphanage a visit.

He leaned in closer for a whisper. "I can see that this room brings some memories to you judging by the feeling I got when you played the piano. I don't want you to remember them even if it's just a minute so that's why I want to dance with you. Let me make you forget the pain." he murmured so sincerely.

Even though I wanted to tell him that I don't want to forget anything and everything about Kaname and I, somewhere in me I desired to be free from the endless pain.

Hence I took his hand.

He pressed his body closer to me with one of his hand on my lower back and the other captured mine for a hold. I stared at him with our faces an inch apart, unsure of what to do or what to say so I simply held onto his shoulder with my free hand for a futile distraction.

The same song played again and upon the first note, his foot began to move and I followed his lead.

He guided me on a waltz my body was starting to be indulged from. His soft grasp on my hand somehow felt foreign but so tender that a part of me refused to let go.

The hurt in my heart turned into a dull ache and my eyes became numb that I no longer had the urge to break down in depressing tears. The sad music I played a couple of minutes ago holds no more sadness in me.

The cadence of his heartbeat on his chest against my own and his warm breath on mine were overwhelming me that I had to turn my head away from him before I earned a chuckle from him.

"I love you." Kaito mumbled the words that made me blush bright scarlet.

I looked back at him again and was about to tell him that I don't love him but before I could even say it, he pushed his lips on my forehead and it definitely caught me off guard. The little kiss brought forth odd emotions in me that buried the agony I had to the deepest part of my heart.

These strange feelings made me forget the heartache.

He spun the both of us around the little space inside the room and I can't do anything but stared straight into his honest eyes that could breach into my soul.

The hazel shade of those orbs imprisoned mine in a gaze. His hand on my back and his arm on the side of my waist caused me to feel safe and secure – all about him made me want to trust him and share everything I had with him.

The two of us flawlessly swayed one last time a second before the music ended.

"You danced great, mister!" the children praised me with an innocent smile and I bit my cheeks in endeavor to hide the remaining blush I have in them.

"He kissed you in the head!" they added and it roused more heat in my face that I wanted nothing but crouch in a corner and put my burning face in between my knees. Seriously, I was beginning to sound like a child. I can't believe that a simple kiss was affecting me like this.

But then again it was new to me to receive a kiss from someone whom I am aware of their affection and love for me. It was different compared on what I felt when I kissed my lover.

"Hey, mister gentleman, can you please be a special friend to our mister while the handsome man is not here?" a little girl asked him and it made me much more embarrassed that I just want to disappear from this place. How much humiliation was I going to experience?

"I don't think I'm that special but sure I'll be." he returned a smile which made the children ecstatic.

Luckily, the woman a while ago called the children for their dinner meal and of course they all left the room without further ado in which I was grateful since I don't know if I can handle another embarrassing thing or comment.

―

I put back the fallboard from its place after cleaning the piano keyboard. Silence occupied the distance between me and Kaito wherein an awkward atmosphere lingered for the longest time until I decided to break it.

"I grew up with my brother here in this orphanage before Yagari adopted us and this piano here is my first musical instrument." I claimed before resting on the piano seat.

"This piano also is what I used to teach him to play the music he serenaded to her on that birthday celebration. Indeed so many memories and most of them are painful." I added with a miserable sigh escaping my lips.

"Then let's make memories." he suddenly concluded. I stared at him with wide eyes in disbelief.

"I may not be able to replace your memories with him and I don't think I can, however I want you to know that there are good memories around you and I'll do anything for you to see that." he explained himself as he stood next to the piano, eyes focused on me.

"T-Thank you." I stammered, still not used to his straightforwardness.

"You're welcome and thank you for trusting me, Zero. I'll treasure it." he replied and again I didn't know how to react on his pure honesty.

"I'll wait for you downstairs." Kaito finished as he turned on his heels before leaving me behind inside the room.

To be honest, in my heart, I truly hope that I was not being unfaithful to Kaname by being with Kaito and trusting him. I know that I was not, but still it doesn't seem right to feel like that towards someone else other than the man I love.

He may have ended our relationship however I didn't and that was why I was not giving up.

I was not insisting myself on him, it was just that I do not have enough reason to finally give up on him. Indeed he broke his promise and left me all alone but I didn't find it a good reason to give up especially when I love him so much.

I love him so much to give up on him so easily.

* * *

Piano Song: Broken Heart by Michael Ortega

Added more drama right? Hahaha. How are you guys doing?

I know it's sad, but it'll get better eventually.

Please don't forget my cookies!

:)


	21. His Infatuation (Zero)

**Chapter 20: His Infatuation**

"The heart has its reasons which reason knows not."

– Blaise Pascal

* * *

 **Zero Kiryu**

Pure white. It was the color of the snowflakes shuffling in the cool wind everywhere. The pretty tiny ice crystals held elegance in it that made it appealing to observe and such. I watched it continuing to fall down from the clouded sky before piling on the earth ground.

"It's cold." I muttered to myself.

I shifted my vision on the scene in front of me and the always crowded place of the town square was what I saw. The colorful bazaars were endowed with life as countless people stopped by to look at them now and then. Strangers in their winter clothing were herding all around me that I found it difficult to pinpoint whose faces I know and whose not.

Until somebody got a hold of my bicep, I looked over my shoulder and I came to see Kaito carrying an old linen bag in his hand with a material inside wherein I assumed was the stuff he bought.

"I'm sorry for making you wait." he smiled after releasing his hand from my arm.

"No it's nothing." I replied while tugging up the collar of my frock overcoat to shelter my skin from the chilling wind.

Kaito seemed to notice my actions since he grabbed something from his bag then he pulled it out to reveal a thick knitted muffler in which he soon wrapped around my neck.

"I bought it for you." he claimed.

"You shouldn't have bothered to buy me one." I protested to him not because I didn't like it but rather it was because I can afford it on my own however he simply dismissed it with a smile.

"I know but I want to." he explained with his breath coming out in mist.

"Thank you." I surrendered my complaint before noticing the muffler he gave to me. It was a clean clothed with nothing for a design and was made of peach colored wool – such simplicity for a gift but I like it.

Today, we were here because it was said that the town square will have a firework show and my adoptive father granted us the chance to see it since he probably thought it will be a good idea to cheer me up a bit. Well I understand him after all I was still far from being alright.

But then, it was still more than an hour early before the said firework show.

"I shouldn't have left ahead of time." I let out a bored sigh. It would simply mean that I have nothing to do for the whole hour but most likely just stand here and stared at random things.

"Do you want to build a snowman?" he asked out of the blue and I looked up to him only to meet his delighted facial features.

"A snowman?" I repeated dumbfounded.

"Right. It seems funner than spending the rest of our time standing here or looking over the merchandises in every shop. What do you think?" he reasoned out.

In any case, he was correct on that sense since it was better at least to have something to do in the meantime instead of doing nothing in the middle of the town square waiting for time to pass by slowly, and besides a tiny part of me kind of wanted to do that.

"Sure I'll do it." I smiled at him.

"Great! Let's go to the park." he took my gloved hand in his before leading me to the small public park across the road.

―

Kaito carried the third ball of snow before placing it on top of the other two and I went to grab a handful of snow to put in between the layers to stick them together. Powders of white snow were sticking into the gray knit of my mittens but I paid no care.

"It's quite small don't you think?" he referred to the snowman we're making while searching for a branch on a small tree nearby.

"It looks fine to me." I replied as I patched the body and head into perfect circles.

Truth to be told, I was quite enjoying doing this that I hardly even remember that I only agreed to do this for a pastime while the fireworks still hadn't started.

I shifted my eyes on my surroundings and I could see different people doing different things in the park. There were families walking and making a snowman too, couples cuddling on benches and children playing a snowball fight.

The trees, bushes and the grass were mounted with dense snow however it was still pleasant scenery to look at.

"Brother?" someone called to me so I turned my head to the side and I was surprised to see my younger twin standing right in my line of vision.

"What are you doing here in the park?" he asked before glancing at the snowman beside me and the pair of snow-dusted gloves in my hands. He raised his eyebrow like he couldn't think for a reason why I decided to build a snowman.

"Uh... I'm here to see the fireworks later." I replied.

"I see. Is old man Yagari with you?" he walked closer to me with a wicker basket of fruits dangling from his hand as he looked around, assuming that our adoptive father was here with me.

"No he chose not to come." I brushed my gloves clean from the snow dust that I had forgotten about the man whom I was building a snowman with until he appeared behind us.

"Are you done, Zero?" he asked while snapping a single long branch in half, oblivious to us since he had his head bent down.

"Who is he?" Ichiru immediately asked and that caught the other's attention. Kaito didn't look uncertain since anyone could easily see that my brother and I were close related to each other due to our almost identical outlook and appearances.

"He's my friend." I said and Kaito took it as a cue to approach us before offering his hand to him for a gentleman handshake in which my brother took in return.

"I'm Kaito Takamiya and I'm pleased to meet you." he introduced himself.

"I'm his younger brother, Ichiru. So are you still making that snowman?" my twin cleared his throat at the end of his words cause he probably thought he had somehow disturbed us, or more likely to the other man, and that was one of the things I like about him – he didn't judge anyone just from their looks.

Although I wonder what he'll think when he meet my lover Kaname in person.

"It's almost done. Do you want to join us?" I offered in endeavor to make him realize that he was not a nuisance in the least, besides I think that this will be a good idea for Kaito to know more about me and that I starting to trust him bit by bit.

"Sure I don't mind. It's been awhile since we did this together." he chuckled at the memory which made me smile too.

―

"I wish my wife is here to see this." Ichiru commented after he placed down the shopping basket next to the snowman whilst on the other hand, Kaito was attaching the branches on each side.

"Is she sick?" I asked concerned.

"Nah... she is pregnant." he responded and that made me dropped the pebble stones in my grasp before looking at him astounded. I didn't expect to hear something so astonishing! So then that means that he'll be a father soon.

"That's... wonderful." I murmured a bit melancholic. I wanted to be happy for my brother who was blessed with so much happiness instead of feeling jealous about it.

"It must be nice to be married to someone whom you are in love with." I picked up the pebbles and stuck them in the snowman to decorate its face and body without sending a glance to my younger twin, afraid that he'll see the ugliness in my eyes.

The ugly emotion called envy.

I know I shouldn't be however I can't blame myself either because his happiness was what I used to look forward to during my relationship with Kaname. The hope that he'll come to love me and that he'll be the man I'll be sharing my lifetime with.

Albeit, it ended as a foolish hope I had once believe in.

Then a gentle pat came on top of my head. "There is always a second chance in everything. It might not be in the same person but maybe, you'll see that in someone else. Just don't rob yourself of that chance because you deserve so much of it." my twin imparted.

This was also one of the things I love about him. He always understands my feelings even though I don't express it openly and he was considerate for always reassuring me with words my heart seek the most.

"Want an apple?" Ichiru fumbled inside his basket and snatched an apple from it which he handed to me instantly.

Suddenly, it reminded me of the time I painted this sweet little fruit with Kaname. The blissful moment he held me from behind, the pleasant touch of his hand guiding mine and the ecstatic sensation of his beating chest against my back – all of it was nothing but a dream that I'll never face again in reality.

Though before I see it, a hand took it from me all of a sudden and that same hand sliced the apple into two with a small pocket knife.

"It's better to eat it sliced. Good thing that Yagari asked me to buy him this knife." Kaito serenely handed me the sliced apple with a faint smile in him.

"Thank you." likewise I appreciated his thoughtfulness despite me not asking him for anything. With no reluctance, I reached to give him the other half of the apple.

"Here. I thought I can share it with you." I claimed with a slight blush in my cheeks.

He stared at me wide eyes like he heard something unanticipated. Of course, who wouldn't be especially when I am still trying to open up to him and let alone trust him, and sure enough he understood the meaning behind my action even though it was just a fruit.

I guess this fruit was the starting point of our close relationship.

"Thanks a lot, Zero." he smiled like a Cheshire cat, and it made me surprise to know that I was affecting him so much. Was I really that special to him?

Then a grip came into my arm and it gradually pulled me a couple of feet from the other man. "What is that, brother? He is in love with you because I saw it in his eyes as clear as day, are you two together?" my twin doubted my words earlier about Kaito being my friend.

"No we're not together, Ichiru. I know you know that I only love Kaname." I replied truthfully.

Ichiru sighed after letting go of my arm. "Forgive me, I am just afraid that something like before might happened again." he inhaled a deep anxious breath.

"I don't think so because to be honest, I feel like I am the one who is using him and not the other way around. He is a kind man and he is always there for me. I am taking advantage of his compassion." I explained antipathy of myself.

"He is a good man which sometimes makes me wonder why can't be him?" I added, quite distress over the fact that my heart chose to fall in love with an engaged man instead of a decent person like Kaito. 1

If only I can control my heart, then my love will never be this painful.

―

It was already past winter dusk. The heaven was shrouded in midnight blue color with the last shade of pale blue disappearing in the horizon and a myriad of stars were beginning to transpire across the dark sky – it was a perfect natural setting for the upcoming fireworks.

"Are you still not eating it?" Kaito snapped me from my trance as we stood next to each other among the crowds, and I looked at the cooled uneaten half apple in my gloved hand.

"Uh no I'll eat it. I just spaced out, I'm sorry." I took a bite on the fruit and the cold but delicious taste of the apple spread inside my mouth.

It had been more than half an hour since my brother left and the words I said to him earlier is still lingering in my head, in some way it made me think whether did my lover felt like that too during our affair or not, anyhow I kind of understand why he blamed me for his guilt.

I can fathom it so well I was really starting to blame myself for everything.

"Do you want to sit somewhere?" my companion asked me and I noticed that we can hardly move an inch because of the increase in the audience around us hence I nodded in silent response since my mouth was still full.

He held my hand in his before leading the both of us out from the gathering of people and coming into the frozen fountain where uninterested individuals took refuge.

I disposed the apple seeds after finishing it upon finding an empty seat on the fountain edge.

The water on the bottom was now made of solid but transparent ice since I was able to see thousands of gold and silver coins in it, with sharp ice glazes embellishing the rest of the fountain. It looked lifeless but fantastic just like my heart, broken but it still loving someone truly.

"Cold are we?" Kaito sneaked a peek under my bangs that fell down on my face and hid my cheerless eyes.

"A little bit." I pushed my hair back while burying my chin in my muffler.

I was busy struggling to warm myself from the weather when he unexpectedly captured one of my hands and he proceeded to remove the mitten just before holding onto it and putting them inside the empty pocket of his brown paletot coat.

Then I felt his fingers intertwining with mine.

I was about to protest to him when a sound of a firework shooting up in the air rang into our ears and we both looked up to see a blast of bright pixies materialized in front of our eyes, it was so beautiful it captivated our utmost attention that I managed to forget our joined hands.

The noise of people cooing in awe echoed throughout the town square and it didn't stop as countless of fireworks were coming into life one after another.

Colorful sprinkles of light continued to burst above us like a shower of shooting stars.

"I love you, Zero." he mumbled to me and I shifted to glance at him but only to meet those chestnut eyes of him so tender and honest. He gripped our hands gently together and it made my heart ceased from beating.

But soon it resumed though it was no longer in the same beat because it was thumping so loudly like a hard drum inside my chest and by then I soon realized that I was starting to fall for him.

I was falling in love for this man.

Gravity hauled my entire body down profoundly that I simply sat there motionless. Deep breathing came in and out of my lungs, preventing any words and sounds from escaping my mouth.

Kaito let out a smile before withdrawing his gaze from me and returned to watch the continuing display of fireworks, nevertheless I didn't or should I say I couldn't. His face that would be illuminated by colorful lights now and then entrapped my mind into nothing but only the image of him.

Emotions flooded into my soul and enveloped my heart with pure warmth that I was already far melting inside.

Thereafter, I laid my silver eyes on his lips. I had the impulse to feel those fascinating lips of his on mine. Would those lips kissed me the same way he kissed me that time? I wonder if I'll be disgusted and bit him again although a part of me tells me otherwise.

I freed my hand from his and he didn't object because he probably thought I was rejecting him like usual however my hand reached to his face and soon my demanding fingers came into contact with his warm cheeks whereas I hesitated not on giving it a soft caress.

He looked at me astonished and there it crossed in my mind on what I just did.

I gasped appalled and stunned of my action.

"I...I..." I strived to think for a sensible reason, except I couldn't think of one and that made me both restless and unsure of myself thus I stood up without a word before fleeing from the place. I heard him calling my name but I persisted on breaking through the crowds and soon I lost him.

―

The resonance of fireworks blasting and people cheering in admiration were no longer resounding to me, it must have already ended or it might be because I ran quite a distance from the place.

Silent eerie of the night lurked around me here in the main street. I stood by near an outdoor light post in attempt to catch my breath. Few barouches and clarence carriages were ambling on the road.

I don't want to fall in love with Kaito. I thought to myself.

I don't want to because I was already in love with another man. I denied for the good reason of not being unfaithful to my lover and also for the intention of not hurting the other. I know how it feels to be in love with someone who doesn't belong to you and it hurts.

That pain was something I was not willing to give him.

Kaito was a generous man and he doesn't deserve my heart knowing that he'll only have half of it while the other half was in someone else' possession. Why does everything have to be so difficult for me?

"Zero?" a familiar voice called behind me and in spite of being troubled, I still turned and I came face to face of the man I don't want to be in love with.

"I'm sorry for..." before I could finish apologizing for leaving him abruptly a while ago, he raced towards me and went to imprison me in an embrace that only stimulated my heart to beat even harder and more intense than a couple of minutes ago.

"I thought I lost you." he muttered in absolute worry.

His concern for me stirred the emotions inside me but I kept on rebuffing it. This amazing man in my arms need an honest love solely for him only and I don't think he'll see that in me however thinking along that line somewhat brought pain in my chest.

Why does it have to be this way? I don't want to be in love with the two of them at the same time.

I was worse than the most horrible unfaithful man and I was committing something so awful than betrayal itself. This was not the second chance I want myself to have, certainly and definitely not in this kind of way.

Why was my heart making this much more complicated for me than already it was. Why can't I just control and teach my heart to love whoever I choose to love?

I don't want my heart to be torn into two.

* * *

Oh My God! I am so sorry guys! It's been two weeks since the last time I've updated. I was so busy preppin' and partyin' with my two gay friends who recently celebrated their birthday. And after that I stayed at my boyfriend's place so I really wasn't able to update as I don't have my laptop with me. I hope you forgive me. In order to make up for the slow update, I'll be posting 2 or 3 new chapters.

I love you all!


	22. His Affection

**Chapter 21: His Affection**

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart.

It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."

– Judy Garland

* * *

 **Zero Kiryu**

"Still sulking I see." Sensei spoke behind me.

I glanced over my shoulder and there I met his doubtful expression with his arms crossed in his chest. Sulking he said? Well I don't think so. I just wanted to be alone to clear my head and think things again.

"No I am not." I withdrew my sight away from him and resumed on mopping the stoned floor clean.

It had been my odd habit once in a while to hold a mop whenever I feel the need to relieve stress and to put my mind in ease. Although even by doing so, I was still not free from the complicated things that were causing my heart to stir and my mind to be on its edge.

I don't want my heart to be torn into two.

Was it too late? Was I too late to prevent that? I had been avoiding Kaito at all cost after that night and it had been a month or two since then, or has it been years? I'm no longer certain how much time had past. Every so often, he would talk to me during our duties here in the tavern but I did my best to ignore him because I wanted to stop myself from loving him.

However instead of not loving him like I desired, it only made myself ached for him more. I miss being with him.

"Really? Then why do you look so sullen?" I heard my adoptive father talked behind me again but I dismissed his query.

"Is it about that rich boy?" he asked and that caught my attention. He probably thought that I was thinking about my lover again considering the cheerless mood I was in but not at all, rather it only made me remember him which made me dismayed of myself much more.

Forgive me, Kaname. I didn't mean to fall in love with him. I sadly thought to myself.

"More or less." were the words I simply said after taking a seat on the bar stool with the mop handle still in my grasp. I leaned my elbow on top of the bar counter before resting my chin on my free palm with my eyes closed.

"More or less?" he repeated my phrase and I blinked my eyes open to see Yagari standing in front of me on the other side of the bar counter, pouring a drinking glass of Old Ale in which he served to me later on.

I stared at him for the longest time until I decided to open up to him. "I think... I'm falling in love with Kaito or maybe I already am." I imparted to him as I traced my finger on the round rim of the glass.

"And you're upset over something like that?" he mused.

"It's not something like that. I am upset because I might hurt him. He is a good person and he did so many good things for me. I am simply not good for him." I sighed while rubbing the back of my neck, getting more unsettled than a couple of minutes ago.

"Enough of it, Zero. It won't help either if you keep on doubting yourself like that. Seriously what happen to the man who believes in himself and once stood up from his brother, the man who loves another person without any hesitation?" he returned a stern look at me.

He lit up a tobacco without looking away from me. "The man you're talking about and the man sitting in front of you are two different people." I replied lowering my eyes on the glass of ale on top of the bar counter.

"Exactly! That is what I'm talking about. Don't change into someone you're not." he leaned in and pointed his burning tobacco in front of my face – it was as if he loathes the man I become.

My adoptive father soon removed his tobacco from my direction before pulling something out of his trousers' pocket. He then placed a paper on the counter and I studied it only to see that it was a pamphlet about a theater audition.

It was a theater audition for musicians like me.

"I supposed this will be a great opportunity for you to move on. I meant not to say for you to forget about the rich boy. I just want you to start doing something for yourself." he pinched the bridged of his nose, somewhat pissed to Kaname and he probably wanted me to forget about him but I guess he chose not to say it.

"Sulking here will not get you anywhere." he added although I may not understand what he is trying to tell me, at least I know that he meant it for my own good.

"Also I am not much of a decent adviser and I don't think I can. Sure you love both of them but as long as you know who you love most, then you know what to do. It was all I can say because I was quite useless when it comes to things like that." he grunted at the end of his words.

"I guess you're right. So do you know where Kaito is?" I asked.

"He said something about a workshop in his previous place." he took the glass of ale on the counter before drinking it himself in one go.

I figured that I should apologize to Kaito in the least because he was not at fault and I shouldn't be so cold regardless of my feelings for him. Like what my old man said, ignoring him would not help me at all and it would only make things more difficult for me.

And also because I already know who I love most and that person was the one who hurt me most.

I folded the pamphlet and put it inside my pocket before standing up from my seat. "Thank you, dear father." I smiled which made him blush mad especially at the word that I know would flatter him best.

"Fool." Yagari murmured, biting the rim of the glass in embarrassment.

―

Terraced houses. I presumed that this was the third time I came here and the always identical outlook of houses sharing walls with their neighboring unit was what welcomed me. The houses were the same like the one next to them that someone would probably find it difficult to tell something apart.

Both my leather shoes descended an inch on the snow as I stared at the fifth building in front of me.

Am I doing the right thing? I inquired to myself, hesitant on the idea of rejecting him again. Indeed I intend to deny his feelings because it was for the best. I don't want to lead him like how I was led by the love of my life before.

I don't want Kaito to suffer the same painful things like I did. I don't want him to be someone's another lover like how I was.

Nonetheless I still hesitate and I found it hard to approach the porch but I set aside my uneasiness and proceeded to walk near the entrance before delivering a series of knock on the wooden surface of the door.

Not too long, the man whom I was falling in love with came and answered the door. "Zero! I didn't expect you to come here but oh well... come in." he beamed a smile after seeing me and he gestured me to come inside in which I abode.

"I'm sorry." I said after Kaito closed the door behind him.

"I am here to apologize for the rudeness I had been displaying this whole month without even telling you anything. I shouldn't have done that. I am deeply sorry for ignoring you all this time." I explained one of the reasons of my sudden visit.

"It doesn't matter because I will always understand you regardless of the reason. I will always understand you because I love you." he replied and hearing his last sentence was too much for my heart to take in but anyhow I let it be though the awkwardness was there.

His facial features softened and it made my heart skipped a beat. "I love you and I miss you." he shifted closer to me and held my chin in his thumb before tilting my face to look up to his.

"I miss you so much." he added with a genuine smile which stole my breath for a moment.

"Uh... I didn't disturb you or anything right?" I looked away in haste.

He chuckled in glee. "Not at all. Well do you want to see my workshop? It's actually not that great but still I want you to see it." he offered and I agreed.

I agreed thinking that this could be a possible chance for me to figure out how I would reject him sooner or later. Surely I should not be this trouble considering how many times I already refused him before but this time was completely different.

I want to refuse him even though I love him too. No matter how you see it, its plain difficult.

―

"This is my workshop." he stated.

The workshop room was nothing out of ordinary and it was just like what I had expected it to be. The room was of the similar size and interior as his bedroom except it doesn't have the furniture of a bedroom but instead it had tools and equipment.

Few brittle vases and pots were arranged on a wooden shelf against the wall while dirt stained rags were laid on top of a table nearby and it seemed like he had just used it a while ago. Floor mats, both dry and wet, were a mess on the floor but still and all – it appeared a decent place to me.

"It's nice." I praised as I continued to scan around the room until I casted my sight on specific equipment I assumed to be a potter's lathe and there I realized that he was an artist like Kaname.

But he was an artist who makes pots and ceramic vases.

"Would you like me to show you how I use it?" Kaito questioned me after undressing himself of his clean shirt, most likely as to not stain it in the process.

"I don't know." I bit my lip somewhat uncomfortable seeing him half-naked despite the fact that this was not the first time he appeared before me like this. Heat was gradually arousing up my head that made me more restless than a minute earlier.

Though it subsided the second he took my hand in his. "Are you alright?" he asked concerned.

I nodded. "I'm fine. I am just a little discomfort." I murmured as polite as I can be. He stared at me clueless at first until he got the hint since I tried to look at anything but his bared upper body. Sincere laughter escaped his lips and it brought shivers down in my bones.

"So honest of you but don't worry cause I'm not going to do unpleasant things to you trust me." he let go of my hand before taking my muffler and my winter coat off hence leaving me only in my dress shirt. Then he folded my sleeves up to my arm.

Somehow I was starting to forget the other reason why I came here in the first place.

He motioned me to take one of the stool chairs and I did while he took the other one behind me. Then he moistened my palms with his damped ones and I felt the sudden tingles from them – tingles that sent butterflies soaring inside my body.

Kaito threw a round clump of clay on the wheel and I watched it as the wheel began to spin in slow pace.

He held my hand before guiding them on the spinning clay, the smooth but cold touch of the clay was the feeling I got from the palm of my hands. Broad chest pushed itself against my back and loud heartbeats vibrated through me, I shuddered from the inside.

"I think of this clay as your heart. Smooth and delicate that made me want to touch them all the time." he mumbled behind my ear and I felt the muscles of my heart melting into hot passion.

"But they're broken and ugly." I said in a soft whisper.

"Then I'll just have to mend them together and shape it into something beautiful as you." he interlaced his fingers with mine in a dance that made the spinning clay into a jar-like form.

I opened my mouth to speak the words I needed to tell him but hesitation prevented me to muster them. Anxiousness concealed my calm demeanor that I didn't bother to say anything else but only the uncertainty imprisoning my heart.

Silence filled the room and it only disputed the conflicting emotions in me that it rob me of my courage to reject him but everything faded, even my reason, in the instant he enveloped me in an embrace with his arms around my own.

"I love you, Zero." he buried his face in my shoulder, his breathing ripping me of my freedom to breath.

He lifted his head up and turned to meet my silver eyes in a captivating gaze before pressing his lips into mine. Our lips entangled in a kiss that was not deep and lustful, it was simply a sweet kiss.

My heart raced a million miles with my entire being drowning itself into the ocean of his affection and there I realize that I was falling much more for this man. I had fallen far too deep in his love that I can't bring myself to deny it anymore.

I love him like how much I love Kaname.

I shifted in my seat in order to face him up front thus letting me feel his beating heart on my own and his skin capturing mine in a tender warmth that I moaned passed his lips.

Hands grabbed into my waist while mine held onto his neck, both our bodies not letting go of the other.

Soon I decided to let go of his lips then I looked at his eyes. "I love you too, Kaito." I confessed not wanting to hide these feelings because after all I was not good at hiding them anyway.

Chestnut orbs locked into me until familiar lips kissed me again.

Love and passion from him entered me through the mouth and it overflowed inside my small heart. My grey eyes mirrored in his brown ones, both of us searching the other's soul through them and I think he found mine so did I.

Kaito broke the kiss and smiled so lovingly to me, "Thank you for loving me."

The wheel ceased from spinning since neither one of us was no longer using it. I reached my stained hand to his face and I caressed it with the clay painting his cheeks.

Silence sang again as I waited for myself to feel regret, disgust or anything that will dare me to deny this love I have for him however I received none but only the guilt of falling in love for another man. The guilt blended perfectly in between my love for the two of them.

It blended so well that I can't discern as to who I was guilty for.

"I love you but I don't want to be. No I mean I don't think I can... I can't because I-" Kaito stopped my lips with his thumb.

"No need to explain it to me. Like I said I will always understand you and I do. I promise I will not push you into things you don't want to because knowing that you love me too is truly enough for me." he stroke my lips but didn't kissed them again.

His pure sincerity was certainly a wonder to see. It left me speechless. I can't understand how he can easily understand me and my reasons.

"I know you still wait for him and I am not mad about it. I will wait for you to stop waiting for him. No matter how long it takes, I will always be here waiting for you." he ended.

―

Things returned to the way it was before. The tavern is animated as usual even in the middle of winter season.

"Kaito can you add wood in the fireplace?" I heard Yagari ordered him in which he gladly did. He had been like that since yesterday, the day of my confession. I guess his mood had something to do with the fact that I was now reciprocating his love for me.

But even though we both feel the same towards one another, we still remained friends.

He held on his promise and he really didn't push me further. He understood that I didn't want to since I didn't wish to be like my lover. I was not willing to let Kaito commit a sinful affair like I did because I love him.

"What are you thinking about?" my adoptive father asked me while I was washing the beer mugs. I shrugged in silent response.

"So you already know who you love most?" he asked me again but this time I didn't shrug nor did I turn around to face him.

"No I don't." was my simple reply.

I was kind of glad that he didn't ask me anymore because I don't think I can answer anything about my torn heart. He sighed before letting me be on my own, at least I was no longer sulking and mopping the floor again although things were still hard for me.

Who I love most? I wonder if I'll ever find the answer for that.

A corsage of white roses came into my line of sight. I glanced up to see it was Kaito who was holding a pot of the said roses to me. Then I noticed the pot in his hands, it was the pot we both made in his workshop.

It was just an ordinary vase like the ones you can easily find in the marketplace but somehow in my eyes, it is something so precious.

"This is for you, Zero. I want you to have this as part of our memories together. I want you to have this so you would know that I always love you." he said with a candid smile that affected me so well, his affection was truly too much for me.

"It's beautiful." I replied after taking the pot of roses from him.

"Thank you and... I love you too." I felt overwhelmed by my own words because after all, my affection for him was also too much for the half of my heart.

* * *

A/N: The romantic film Ghost is my inspiration for this chapter.

I am terribly sorry guys! How longs has it been since my last update? I updated for chapter 20. I think most of you were not able to read it, as FF didn't send a notification for update on that. Please read the previous chapter if you haven't read it yet. Each. Chapter. Is. Essential. Hahaha.

It's been a very busy past month for me. T'was the hatchday of my two gay friends and they are celebrating on two different dates. Then came my birthday and I never get to see my laptop. Haven't completed any of my assignments at school. Man, I'm so unproductive.

I'll give you two or three chapters today. That's a promise.

Forgive me, please?

Don't forget to leave a review, dearest!

I love you all.


	23. His Dream

**Chapter 22: His Dream**

 _"My heart only ever had one thought, one want and one need._

 _Despite all and in spite of all, all my heart ever wanted is you."_

– Stephanie Laurens

* * *

 **Zero Kiryu**

Music.

What was it to you? To some people, it was an inspiration while to some it was their passion and their life. Music made by single or different unique instruments was an art itself. An art of uniting sounds into melody and melody into songs, a wonderful art indeed.

What was music to me? It was my heart.

Music had what my heart had, feelings. Every soft and deep tune was like my heartbeat, it resonates within me. Music speaks the silent words my mouth can't and it tells the secret my heart keeps.

It fills me and it also empties me.

I succumbed on the comfort of my seat as I watched a man, a little older than me, played a harp instrument on the theater stage with his fingers dancing tenderly on the dozens of strings.

"It's beautiful." I stared in daze until a hand held mine.

"I know but you are a lot better, Zero, so don't be antsy." I heard Kaito said beside me, my eyes still glued on the harper's long fingers.

"I'm not. It just... enchanting that's why." I mumbled in reply, trying to be as quiet as possible to avoid distracting the concentration of the musician.

The pleasant sounds bounced on the thick wall of the auditorium and it echoed across the dark room with the only lights left open centered on the stage. People seated in front of me remained static up to the end of the harper's incredible performance and applause followed soon after.

Kaito let go of my hand to give the man applause too. "I can't wait to see you perform on that stage also." he said excitedly and that made me stifle a laughter.

The employer then called on for the next performer which was a man in his late thirties and judging by the instrument he's holding, he was a guitarist no doubt. The man climbed up the platform and took the center of the stage with confidence.

He began to play his music piece and I watched again attentively.

This theater audition was going to take a while because I was not the only one who wished to perform.

I inhaled a deep breath, doing everything I can to keep my courage intact since this was the second time I'll play in front of people although it was not about it that I was nervous of rather because this was the first time I came to a demo like this.

"Is it a must for me to do this?" I asked to no one, still unsure whether I want to do this or should I say something I never once thought of doing in this lifetime.

Sure I perform on orphanages of my own accord to please orphans who lost their families or those unfortunate children that were left and abandoned by their loved ones but that was all it was, therefore to use my talent for something else was strange for me.

It felt odd because I was already content of what I do for my profession.

Even if I don't earn an income out of it, I was still satisfied. After all I was an optimistic kind of man and I can find happiness on the simplest beauty from the things I like and affections from the people I love. To put it simply, I was a man with only simple dreams and ambitions.

"Such a rare opportunity like this? Of course it is a must." Kaito murmured, he probably heard me and realized my uncertainty.

I turned to look at him. "I am content of who I am. To be a famous musician is not something I dream for myself. Indeed it is nice to be one but I don't want to be." I said in stern expression.

"It is not about becoming famous, Zero." he crossed his legs before leaning closer to me.

"Content? I know you are. However, don't you think that there could be more good things for you other than the simple ones? Besides you are not only helping yourself but you can help the orphanage too because you'll be able to donate more than what you can manage. Becoming famous is not the only option here." he explained to me in persuasion.

He sighed later on before leaning back on his seat again. "If he was here, I bet he'll say the same thing to you too." he added in monotone.

I furrowed my eyebrows, somehow wondering if he only said it in hope to persuade me.

"I do want to understand what you are trying to tell me but still... I don't feel like doing it." I tore my eyes from him and proceeded to resume watching the guitarist only to see that he was already done performing.

Nonetheless despite not feeling in the mood, I still stayed on my seat and I guess I didn't feel like leaving too.

―

The next performer was a young woman, about the same age as me, dressed in her best attire for the audition. She held a violin in her hands and a pretty smile in her face, it seemed as if I saw a little of myself in her. She stood there like this was the happiest moment in her life.

She reminded me of the time I stood like that when I first played in front of the man I love – it was indeed the happiest moment in my life too.

There was a background pianist behind her and not before long, the music piece started to come into life. The pianist played the short introduction which was only a couple of notes but in spite of that, it piqued most of my curiosity that I hardly remember the uncertainty in me.

The woman brought the instrument in position, settling her chin on the violin's chinrest before aligning her stringed bow in place.

On the second she glided her arm, the fiddle played its part.

I studied her instrument in amazement. It was like every time she slide the bow, my broken heart felt whole like what it used to.

The feelings of love was deeply rooted in the stunning melody that it captured my heart in synchronicity. The lenient but high rhythm healed me from the sadness and misery. It was splendid as if there was a romance on the violin.

Romance on violin. It'll be perfect if that was the name of the song.

The piano tunes were almost impossible to notice because the harmony of the violin was powerful and captivating in its own way. It cascaded me with passion and confidence I lost because of the pain. The gentle music sang beautiful emotions in me indeed.

"It reminds me of the time I first saw you." Kaito stated all of a sudden, was he perhaps talking about the time we met during the birthday celebration before?

"There is love in your eyes and I fell in love from it." he added and I turned to him confused since I know I was crying when he first met me but I dismissed the thought right away.

"And what of it?" I squinted my eyes at him, trying to understand the meaning behind his words. He met my stare and it robbed the last of my breath in me.

"I want to see it again. I want to see that kind of love in your eyes when you look at me." he let out a hopeful smile and it made my heart skip a beat.

"That's the reason why I hope that you'll take this opportunity. I don't mind picking up the pieces for you if it means healing you of all your pain. But Zero, I can't do it if you keep on going back in the past. I'm not telling you to forget him however it doesn't mean you should forget the things you deserve so much to have." his hand reached to caress my face in an alluring touch that made heat aroused up in my head.

"Sometimes you just need to put the past behind and move on with your life." he said in complicated words but the meaning was there, clear as pure water.

Finally I understand what my adoptive father Yagari was trying to tell me last time and I understood it through this man's comforting words.

"Thank you. It means a lot to me to hear it from you, Kaito. I don't know what I'll do without you. I am grateful that you're always here for me." I returned a blissful smile.

"No need to thank me." he chuckled before crossing his arm in his chest.

Then I reverted my eyes back on the stage and the young woman was still playing her violin. The soft descant embraced me of mellowness until the moment the last vibrato faded into the air and the fantastic song finally waned.

The same applause earlier followed soon after.

She took a silent bow before retiring from the platform stage and the employer eventually looked into my direction. He sent me a nod that it was my turn to perform hence I stood up from my seat but then a familiar warm hand grabbed mine again.

"I'll cheer for you so don't be tense." Kaito eased me with a kiss on the back of my hand.

I bit my lower lip in embarrassment before ambling from the row of seat and to the theater stage. There were some musical instruments here so it wasn't much of problem for me. Well I can't bring a large piano here right?

Standing in the middle of the stage, I could feel their stares directed straight at me however it didn't falter the courage I succeeded to muster.

I paced closer to the brown grand piano and upon reaching it, I immediately claimed the seat with a decent posture. The fallboard was already lifted and my eyes were casted on the neat surface of the piano keyboard. Typical white and black design was the pattern I fancied.

My free hand cruised on the smooth white keys, letting me and my body feel them so I can play it in luxury.

I looked back among the empty and occupied seats before scanning around in search for Kaito and my heart beamed when I found him giving me a thumb up. Just the mere presence of him was already boosting me with so much confidence that my chest seemed like bursting anytime soon.

Just the mere presence of him made me complete as if I couldn't ask for anything or anyone anymore. It was truly strange since he only bear half of my heart – love was really strange.

I stole my attention from him before inhaling a deep calm breath and soon I pressed a note.

―

"I can't believe I got chosen too!" I said ecstatic as I strode on the snow like a pleased little child. It couldn't be help since this was the first time I achieved such a big accomplishment. I'll be given a chance to be in an orchestra or maybe a solo performance.

There were so many things I can look forward to now.

"I told you so. I also can't believe you are so hesitant an hour ago. If I hadn't persuaded you then you could have missed such an opportunity. Good thing I did." Kaito laughed to himself, probably amused in the idea that he was the cause of my success or something like that.

He walked beside me here on the main street and on our way back to the tavern. The weather was fine and that made me more enthusiastic.

"I know that's why I am thankful." I paused on my track and stared at him for the longest time, not minding the cold gust of wind or the noise of countless horseshoes stomping on the road – I simply stared at the man I came to love aside from Kaname.

"No I am beyond thankful, Kaito. I can't imagine what I am right now if I hadn't met you. I can't imagine what could happen to me if you didn't approach me on the middle of the rain that day. It's hard to imagine what my life would be without you." I told him in pure honesty.

His facial features remained stoically normal though his chestnut eyes expressed the opposite because those orbs gazed at me in dearest.

He closed the distance between us before planting a chaste kiss on my forehead. "I feel the same." his hot breath sent tingles on my skin that I blushed deep scarlet in front of him much to my self-humiliation.

"What would you do if he returned?" he asked out of the blue and it caught me off guard.

Why was he asking me this? Then I remembered that he told me an odd thing too during the theater audition. I looked straight in his eyes and I saw nothing but this faint emotion I can't describe.

What would I do if my lover returned? I thought to myself.

Of course I'll be happy but then I'll ask him why he left me and see to it if he had enough reason to break my heart so cruelly on that rainy day. I want to know why he chose his fiancée over me after asking me to be his lover for real.

I want to know everything.

"Then I'll ask him why he left in the first place." I replied, with a slight hint of ache in my voice, before resuming on my tracks with Kaito trailing behind me later on.

I looked up to the winter clouds and I noticed that it was no longer snowing. "I am still in love with him but... I don't think I can trust him again like before. I've lost too much in my part and I just started putting myself back together."

―

 **Kaname Kuran**

The cold winter had ended without me knowing. Time passed by in front of me and I lost count on how many days and weeks I had been here. It could be months or much longer than that. I just noticed it when the sky was already bright blue again.

Snow was melting all around the place and flowers were starting to bloom into charm.

I sat under the tree in leisure here outside and the landscape of the log mansion far in the distance was in front of me.

Tall pine trees surrounded me and sheltered me from the sunlight – this peaceful mood was what I need. Few droplets of liquid fell down on me from the melting snow on the countless of leaves right above me but I paid no care.

I had a journal with me and I decided to open it afterwards. Paragraphs and phrases were what you would expect to see most but not at all. Instead it contained pictures or depictions of the things I found interest in this mountain but then also, it was what you would expect in the least.

Because most of my drawings inside were pictures of him, pictures of Zero.

Flipping through the pages, pencil sketches of him covered most of the journal contents that someone else would probably see it strange.

I paused on the last page of the journal and I came to see it blank. "So this is the last one." I muttered to myself as I pulled out a pencil from my coat chest pocket.

My painting equipment were all left behind back home since I didn't bring them along with my personal things so I had no choice but to use a pencil and paper only. Moreover I left him behind too, the model where these pictures were copied from.

I held the pencil in place and soon I began to draw him again. Heartbeats rushed inside my chest as I drew the outline of his handsome face.

No matter how many times I draw him, never once did I found it tiring and boring. It was rather the most entertaining thing I had ever done in my life. Sure I created so many superb paintings and it was the reason of my success but it felt a lot different when I draw him.

It felt different because I miss him.

I miss him. I need him. I desire him. I want him. All part of me were screaming for him and it was eating my patience completely that I wanted nothing but to go back as soon as possible.

Well what would I do if I see him again? I thought deeply as I continued to draw him on the last page of my journal. This pencil couldn't define the gorgeous lavender hue of his eyes and it only intensified my desire to see him so much more.

His eyebrows and lashes were the only thing I put into perfection. The gray shade of the pencil was unable to portray the adorable pink tint of his petal lips and I hated it.

I hated this static drawing.

I hated it because I can't see how his lips form into smile. I hated it because I can't see how his eyes lit up like a sun when he sees me. I hated it because I can't touch his skin and feel his warmth. I hated it because I can't kiss him like how I wanted to.

I hated it so much for reminding me that I can't do it anymore because I left him.

―

After spending almost an hour in the forest, I decided to return to the log mansion. As soon as I came inside the entrance foyer, my parents' luggage and things were already arranged in preparation on the floor.

"I didn't touch any of your things since I might misplace something so I suggest that you go to your room and start packing right away." my mother walked into the room while carrying another luggage with her.

"But isn't it too early? I thought it will be a couple of days before our return. Not that I want to stay..." I undressed myself of my coat.

"I know but your father and I had a change of plan cause of your nearing birthday. It'd be great if we returned early because we can prepare a lot for celebration!" Helena exclaimed in thrill.

"We will leave tomorrow morning." she finished before departing from the room.

Oh? I forgot my own birthday. I can't believe that I forgot it as due to my endless thinking about him. But I forgot it again when the thought sank into me, the thought of us going back home. The long awaited return I had been anticipating for quite a while now.

What would I do if I see Zero again? I repeated that words to myself.

I don't know if apology was what he wanted to hear so I decided to tell him the reason why I left him because at least he deserve to hear it. I know I should have told him before I left but fear and guilt held me back and I hated myself for it.

I will tell him everything and if possible, even the tiniest and slightest chance, this time I want to make everything alright for sure.

The long stay I had here made me realize that I really can't bear being away from him. Sure the decision of taking responsibility for my mistake sounded so easy but it doesn't. One day without him was like an eternity of agony.

It hurts so much to be here away from him for so long.

That was why I wanted to go back to him. I wanted to bring him in my arms again and I'll do whatever it takes to mend our broken relationship. It'll be difficult no doubt but I didn't mind losing everything I have if it means getting us back together.

Zero. I'll do whatever it takes to make him mine again before it was too late.

* * *

A/N: Violin Song: Romance On Violin from La Corda D'Oro

Another chapter, as promised!

:)


	24. His Misunderstanding

**Chapter 23: His Misunderstanding**

" _True love is still true, even if you can't live it the way you want to."_

– _G.J. Walker-Smith_

* * *

 **Kaname Kuran**

The loud noise of a train steam whistling rang out of the black locomotive, indicating that we had already reached our destination. Happiness fondled inside me from the moment my shoes touched the stone pave ground of the station. I never felt so home in my life.

Hundreds of people departing and arriving here in the central station was more crowded than that of a cathedral during mass gathering.

"I'll rent a carriage for us, are two enough?" Sir Kaien asked my parents after settling our things and luggage on the floor.

"No make it three," my mother replied.

Their voices faded from my ears as I let my mind wander around in my surroundings. Train conductors were busy monitoring the number of incoming and outgoing passengers while the others were inspecting the condition of the train's engine. Everything flashed by quickly in front of my sight until it landed on a pair of chocolate orbs.

Yuuki squinted her eyes at me in hate since she still hadn't gotten over the fact that I slept with someone else before her.

She hated me because she was not my first which in turn was something I was proud of. I drifted my attention again, appearing more interested on a cargo full of coal in the distant.

I want to see Zero. I thought to myself.

I left a sad memory and a bitter farewell to him but I will take it all back. I will swallow the painful words I had said to him that day back to my throat if I have to and I will ask for his absolute forgiveness – even if he doesn't want an apology – I will beg for it.

Then my mother called to me, informing me that the carriages were ready and all of us left soon after.

The ride was somehow testing my courage and patience because I was afraid of seeing how he was doing right now or more likely I was afraid of seeing how much damage I had done to him since the day I left him.

Please be okay, Zero, because I surely won't be able to forgive myself if you are not.

I shared a carriage with my parents because I was not, in the least, willing to share one with my ex-fiancée especially when I bear no more intention of doing what she forced me to. If there was something I should take responsibility for then it would be my foolish mistake I made to him.

Although I just hope that he'll give me a chance – one more chance to make it alright for us.

The same street and buildings came into my view through the glass window and I noticed that nothing change in the least. The town was still looking the same from the time I left it, as if nothing remembers that I once left.

The world continued to go on and it brought me a little hope.

Hope that my lover was doing fine, that he still remembers me and that he still loves me.

"By the way..." my mother decided to speak however my focus remained glued on the scenery outside. "There is a place I wish to visit so I hope none of you mind." she mused before ordering the horseman for a short detour to a street I had never been to.

―

The carriage halted from one of the street shops I didn't bother to look at. Juri stepped out of the stagecoach with my father following after her while I, on the other hand, stayed inside. It was not because I was not in the mood for anything but rather because I had too many things in my mind.

Too many thoughts and all of them was nothing but Zero. He was all over my head that I can't bring myself to focus on anything except him.

I miss him so much.

I glanced on the window and my parents were still inside the shop longer than I thought it would be so I decided to take a little stroll on this unfamiliar street.

Cool wind brushed past me as I opened the door on the other side of the stagecoach and I finally retired myself from the quarters.

The street had nothing in common compared to the others especially the main street where popular boutiques, restaurants and establishments were built. I guess being in those places all the time was normal to me that I was not used seeing places which were less in comparison.

Nonetheless I started to take a short walk.

The snow was already long melted, leaving only a trail of dried liquid that made the ground looked like it had been polished – and kind of slippery that I had to walk carefully since my shoes were made of leather.

Shops and houses differ from one another that it was easy to distinguish which one it was and which one was not.

Then all of a sudden, I noticed a shop across the road. It is a flower shop and though I was not really that fond of flowers, it caught my utmost interest that I immediately crossed the road without a second thought.

Fragrance of different flowers burned my nose in an enticing way.

Pots of bright sunflowers were displayed right outside the shop, probably to attract customers and it does because people passing by glanced at the shop once in a while.

Lots of stunning flowers can be seen from the clear display window of the shop.

I smiled in admiration.

Whilst I was absorbed on studying the various kinds of flowers, a figure of a person inside lured my sight and I stared wide eyes upon realizing who it was.

He stood there thinning a huddle of pink camellias, his fingers holding the stems in cherish while white anemones hanging near his head touched his silver hair with its endearing little petals. His lavender eyes were hooded from my gaze and a peaceful smile plastered in his lips as he continued to nurture the plants, still unaware of my presence here outside.

Zero.

He was as gorgeous as he was from the time I first met him in the gallery display because the similar feeling came back to me, the feeling of being captivated by him. He looked the same but not at the same time or maybe because I was looking at him in a different way.

Deep and heavy heartbeats began to pound repeatedly inside my chest as I stared at the man I wanted most in this world.

Joy and desire overwhelmed me so much that my feet didn't linger any longer here outside before walking through the entrance, the door hit a bell.

"Welco..." he paused, stunned beyond belief after he laid his eyes on me.

"Kaname." Zero mumbled my name however that was all he managed to speak but at least he didn't run away from me much to my delight. I took a single step forward with uneasiness clenching my heart because a part of me was afraid that he will be in pain if I come near him.

I took another careful step – not tearing my sight from him – and my soul kindled in merriness as the distance between us is slowly closing in.

He was precious to me and it will kill me to see him in sad tears again.

Step after step and after step again, it almost felt like a hundred until I finally made it a foot in front of him.

"Zero." I said his name in a soft whisper, holding myself back from doing something I might regret later even if it was just a hug that my body need. Likewise I didn't want to hurt him by my foolish actions again.

I inhaled a nervous breath. "Can I touch you?" I asked in dearest that I almost feel like crying myself out. I really miss him so much it hurts to not touch him without feeling this fear – fear of breaking him like what I did that rainy day.

He bit his lip with tears starting to cloud his pretty eyes as if he shares the same feelings I bear as of this emotional moment. Still and all, he nodded in mute response.

Blissful warmth burst in my chest at his silent answer therefore I slowly reached my hand to hold his and as soon as my fingers touched his skin, something slammed so hard inside me that I lost my breath for a second.

"Can I hug you, please I want to?" I asked again as I held his hand despite the intense emotions stirring within me.

Tears were now falling down from his eyes but in spite of it, he managed to nod again and without further ado – I immediately enveloped my arms around him in tight but gentle embrace that the months of longing for him was already melting in between us.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for all the cruel things I had done. I am so sorry for hurting you so much. I am so sorry for leaving you. I am really sorry for everything, Zero." desperate words escaped my lips.

There were so many things I wanted and I needed to tell him but they all blended into the beats of my hearts that it pounded even harder against my rib cage.

"Please forgive me." I buried my face in his shoulder, eminently wishing that he'll forgive me and all the pain that I had caused him. He returned my embrace as he simply cried in my arms, unable to find words to tell me.

It seemed I was not the only one being subdued by strong emotions here.

I lifted my head up, meeting his tearful eyes. "Can I kiss you?" I asked in high hope that he will give me this chance to show him how precious he was to me.

For the last time Zero nodded without hesitation and I crashed my lips to his in haste.

All of my feelings melded into passion and it burned my entire being in hot pleasure that I moaned past my mouth. Tingles from the touch of his lips numbed my mind hence I became spellbound in its romance – our emotions had gone into one spiral.

The muscles of my heart swelled so much it ached.

I poured my desire, my longing and everything else in the kiss. The grief of being away from him for so long disappeared in an instant just from this one emotional kiss and even time itself diminished around us except the intensity of our genuine feelings for each other.

I let go of his lips before staring deep into his charming purple eyes.

"I miss you, Zero. I miss you so much." I smiled dearly to him while caressing his cheeks clean from tears with my thumbs. Puffiness was beginning to bulge under his eyes that only made him somewhat adorable but still gorgeous – my gorgeous lover Zero.

I planted a kiss on the back of his hand but then the bell chimed all of a sudden.

"Kaname?" someone called to me from the entrance and my stomach dropped in horror upon recognizing the familiar voice. I turned to glance over my shoulder and I stood frozen after seeing that it was my mother.

―

Juri stared at me astonished while I remained motionless until the man I was holding decided to free himself from our embrace however the tensing silence didn't left. Zero looked doubtful, unsure if he needed to explain himself or not.

I sent him an assuring look that he had nothing to worry about because I had known that sooner or later my parents will find us together although I didn't thought it will be this soon.

I heard my mother cleared her throat. "It's nice to see you again, Mr. Kiryu. How are you?" she beamed at him much to my surprise.

"I-I'm doing fine, madam." he stuttered antsy.

The entrance door behind my mother swung open and Kaito in his trench coat entered the shop, his eyes ceased from blinking the second he saw us, mostly me, inside. He turned to look at Zero and frowned but what he did later on was what destroyed the rest of my composure.

He walked to him before kissing him in the lips – the lips I kissed just a couple of minutes ago.

Kaito kissed the man I cared the most.

"Is everything okay?" he inquired him, his arm wrapping around my lover's waist and it crushed something in me that my inner self was slowly breaking into pieces.

Zero said nothing to him but what hurts me the most was that he said nothing to me too. He said nothing about that kiss, he said nothing for a reason or denial and moreover he said nothing if the both of them were together now.

He simply said nothing to ease this pain.

"Indeed everything is alright, Mr. Takamiya. I came here for my son since he has a birthday celebration to prepare as soon as possible." my mother came to my side.

"It'll be a pleasure if the two of you attend it." she added in thrill.

He sent a concerned look at my lover before glancing back at us with an enthusiastic smile. "Sure it is."

Zero looked at me in pure sadness and it was ripping me ugly. Was he not happy that I came back for him? The thought of them being together was tearing me apart and more painful than the guilt I had when I betrayed him and his love for me every so often.

―

Nothing else mattered any more after seeing them kissed in front of me that I didn't even notice I was already home – the pain emptied my thoughts and my heart.

I felt nothing but only the hurt.

"Tell me... was it Zero? The person you chose instead of your fiancée, was it him? Please tell me the truth." my mother pulled my arm after I came inside our living room. I turned to face her with a solemn smile concealing my lips.

"He was." I replied as I freed my arm from her hold before sitting on the canapé.

"I had an affair with him since the beginning of our piano lesson before. I was seeing him all those times I was still engaged with her and I hated myself for it but I can't change the past." then I waited for her furious words to come my way.

But none came.

"Do you love him?" she sat beside me and I could see my father Haruka past her shoulder – standing on the door – letting me and my mother talk alone.

"I had seen it earlier so don't deny it. It won't be love if you aren't that happy when you hug him. It won't be love if you aren't this hurt when someone else kiss him." she said. I wanted to laugh at myself for being stupid and for not seeing such an obvious fact in the first place.

Why did I have to learn the truth in the hard way?

It had to be Kaito for me to see my own blindness for it. It had to be that kiss for me to notice the real reason why I was so afraid and guilty all this time. It had to be this anguish for me to know what I really feel about him.

It had to be this pain for me to realize that I was in love with him.

Kaito kissed the man I love the most.

"True I love him. I love him so much." I hid my miserable eyes behind my palm while laughing at myself for being the stupidest man that I was.

"It doesn't matter if you want to insult me and be mad at me for loving another man because to be honest, I could care less anymore. I just realized I love him when he is already in love with someone else. It's cruel isn't?" I laughed and held back my tears at the same time.

No insults came but only a rough slap across my face.

Pain stung in the left side of my face but it was nothing compared to the pain that was crumbling the happiness I had earlier into nothingness.

"I am angry at you for committing a sinful affair and for being a disgrace of a man however I am angrier at you for giving up so easily! I did not birth and raised a shameful man." Juri hissed at me.

I looked at her dumbfounded.

"It will take me time to accept all of these but I surely am not a brute parent as to judge her own child. I admit I am quite distress because I know now that I will never be a grandmother in the future." my mother further scoffed and I let out a faint smile.

Zero didn't give up on me even though I hurt him so many times so why can't I?

I finally understood the real meaning of heartache and it made me wonder how Zero managed to endure it during our secret relationship – he endured all of it for me.

His innocent heart sustained more than the pain I was feeling so this should be nothing, this shouldn't be enough reason to just give him up so easily to someone else especially when now I know that I love him just like how much he love me.

I shouldn't have jump to conclusion like that.

I shouldn't have assumed things so hastily without hearing it from Zero himself.

I shouldn't have given up on my love for him.

Not when I still had not told him what he needed to know. Not when I still had not proved to him how sorry I was for all the mistake I did and not when I still had not told him that I love him and that I want to make everything alright for us.

This pain was naught compared to the same unconditional love I have for him.

―

 **Zero Kiryu**

The moment I saw the man, who had the other half of my heart, imprisoned me with so many emotions. The moment he touched me, hugged me and also the moment he kissed me – all the feelings I had for him before came rushing back to me.

It came back all at once inside me and I lost control thus I became emotional.

It turned difficult when his mother, Juri, caught us in the act. It completely entrapped my conflicting heart in fear that I became afraid of doing something I might regret in my lifetime.

"Why did you kiss me?" I asked while cleansing a corsage of jasmine flowers beside Kaito who was helping me on the cleansing chore.

"I'm sorry. It just that when I saw how sore your eyes were, somehow I thought that he did something that made you cry again. I guess I wanted to show him that he could never hurt you anymore because you are mine or something like that." I heard him elucidated.

"Did I misunderstood it?" he sounded troubled however I shook my head in denial, not because he did got the wrong idea but rather because I don't know if there is really something he did misunderstood.

Even I don't know what to understand.

"He kissed me too but I don't know why or maybe because I can't trust him to know why." I claimed as I stood up from the floor and grabbed a pair of scissors for thinning before settling myself near the shelf of roses.

"Is that why you said nothing to him after I kissed you?" I paused upon hearing his words.

"What will I tell to him? That it meant nothing and it felt nothing to me? Do you want me to lie to him?" I riposted to him and he said none hence I resumed on my task.

True I don't want to lie to him but then I don't want to tell him the truth either and it confused me.

It saddened me that things became like this all because I fell in love with another man other than Kaname. Imagine what would happen if things ended different and that I was not in love with someone else? Of course it won't be like this.

But it doesn't and that what makes it hard.

I touched him back, I hugged him back and I kissed him back too. No matter how much it pains me that I lost my trust for him – I still love him after all this time.

The pink roses in front of me seemed daring in a way that it showed me what I didn't have earlier. Courage. I was not good at hiding my feelings and I was sure that he was bound to know it soon but that was what I was afraid of.

I was afraid to hurt Kaname.

So what if he hurt me before? It doesn't mean I should hurt him back. I'm not that cruel of a person.

"On his birthday, I will tell him that I still love him and I will tell him that I love you too." I cut a single rose from its stem before bringing it under my nose, the petals touching my lips – my lips that were kissed by the two men I both love.

I don't want to hurt them both but I can't love them both either.

My lips, my body, my soul and my heart – all of me – it was not something a person can split in two and share with another

* * *

A/N: Hello, hello, hello! How are y'all doing?

I apologize for the confusion. Zero didn't fall for Kaito within two months. It took longer than that.

Kaname left in the beginning of fall and won't be back until the latter part of winter season.

It's more or less than six months. Which, I think is more than enough time for Zero to figure out he's got feelings for Kaito.

And Kaito is an enthusiastic rebound. Poor thing, he's so in-love with Zero (who wouldn't, right?).

So here, Zero is still puzzled but it'll get better i time.

Place your bets! Kaito, or Kaname?

Hohohoho

*sends out virtual cookies*

As promised, here's your update! Happy Mother's Day, folks!


	25. His Lavender Eyes

**Chapter 24: His Lavender Eyes**

 _"I see these lights, every time I look into your eyes._

 _It crosses my heart, and makes me feel in love."_

 _– Jason Engay_

* * *

 **Zero Kiryu**

 **Commitment.** It was an easy thing to say and the most pleasant word to hear when you are in love, yet for me it was a sour sound to listen to and the hardest thing to do. It was an oath between faithful lovers though it was not for someone who had more than one person in their heart.

It was both the sincerest and cruelest promise in this world.

In commitment, there come many things such as happiness and faithfulness. It defines in different meanings however, in the very end, it bears only one significance and that was dedicating oneself entirely to something or to someone.

 _But how can I do it if my heart was divided into two?_

Torn in between two people both dear to me, two men that complete the pieces of my life – how can I dedicate myself whole to each and both of them?

"It is impossible." I said to myself as I stood here in one of the open balconies of the Kuran's estate mansion.

The beautiful parterre garden in front of me was a sight to see tonight. Tall hedges and tea trees embellished most of the area on the ground below with few statues of chess pieces and a large Gazebo built in the middle of the garden, all of these things adorned the back garden of this manor.

This was the first time I saw it despite being in this house for quite some time before.

"What is it, the impossible you're talking about?" a manly voice mumbled into the back of my ear and sweet shivers instantly ran through my veins.

"It is nothing, Kaito." I replied just when a champagne glass of red wine appeared before my eyes, "Care to drink with me?" he inquired though I pushed his arm away gently as I shook my head in mute refusal.

"It's still a little early, do you want to eat something?" he stood beside me after placing down the glasses on the stoned deck and I shook my head in refusal again.

I resumed on watching the scenery outside from the second floor balcony while I was waiting for Kaname's birthday celebration to start. I also continued to search the words that I will tell him without hurting him in any way although I doubt it – I don't want to hurt him because I still love him.

"Who will you choose?" Kaito asked all of a sudden.

I turned to look at him confused. "If he ask you to choose from me and him, who will it be?" he stared straight to the gathering of people inside the hall behind us, not meeting my eyes like he was hesitant to see if the answer was already in there or not.

"I don't know." I replied as turned to look back at the garden again.

"I can't choose. I am not ready to choose. I don't want to choose." I paused in between phrases, wallowing in the painful battle I had in my heart.

I want them both, I care for them both, I desire for them both and I love them both so much but I don't want to let go of one of them, I can't lose one of them and I hate to hurt one of them.

How can I choose when they were both precious to me?

"Please don't make me choose I beg of you." I pleaded in distress while holding both my hands in a harsh grip but my body gradually eased when he hugged me from behind, his forehead against my shoulder.

"I am not however there will come a time when things will make you decide who you want to be with the most. I just want you to know that I will always wish only the happiness for you even it means I won't be the one who will give it..." his arms tightened around me in desperation – his immense desperate need to be strong for me.

"...so don't hesitate to hurt me, Zero." he added in a sad whisper.

It ached to hear such genuine words from him. He was like someone who I used to be, someone who will do anything and everything for the person he loves even if it means letting them go.

His strong heart was what I used to have before it suffered in pain so many times, and that what made it more difficult for me. I don't want to crush his courage nor do I want to turn him into the man I had become after all the torment neither.

I don't want to break his heart into pieces like mine.

Kaito lifted his head before turning me around to face him, holding my hands in his. "The party is about to start." he said with a smile but his hazel eyes showed true grief.

"I will be here and I won't be going anywhere so don't you worry. I will be waiting for you." he ended while not erasing the blissful smile from his lips.

How long will you wait for me? Aren't you tired of waiting for so long? Why are you still waiting even when you know that I was still in love with him? If my heart chose him, will you still be here waiting for me until morning or maybe much longer than that?

Those questions played inside my head and to be honest, half of my heart died on each depressing words.

"If I... If I don't return..." I bit my lower lip in diffidence. "...what are you going to do?" I asked him however he said nothing instead he only smiled much more in which I found it difficult to fathom whatever answer he had behind that smile – a smile that would always comfort me from within.

"No need to worry for me, Zero. No need." he eluded my question.

His hand let go of mine. "The party has started and I bet you don't want to be late for him right?" he turned his back on me with a faint laughter escaping his lips, as if attempting to tease me but it sounded different.

Nonetheless I turned around on my heels, in spite of my great reluctance, before walking away from the balcony and into the ballroom. I walked away from the man who saved me from my sadness, the man who gave me the love I deserve and the man who I also love unconditionally.

I walked away from the man whom the half of my heart was crying for.

―

The grand ballroom was the best one I had seen so far, its magnificence was truly outstanding. Two chandeliers hanged on the wide ceiling painted of gold mural that stretched down to the walls of this room and flooring made of light peach marble that it contrasts in almost gold shade but despite of all the elegance – it didn't blind me with greed.

Rather it blinded me with insecurities that I was becoming inferior of myself.

How can someone as noble viscount as Kaname be possibly in love with a poor man like me? It was impossible in many reasons.

I'm not a noble man like you, Kaname. I have nothing to offer to you but only my love,

Now I felt pathetic for telling him such statement when I serenaded him before. It was so candid and truthful that it was almost idiotic. I offered him my love and devotion but what did I get in return? I got nothing except misery.

Famous artists and painters assembled around me which made it tough for me to look for him hence I just strolled aimlessly until someone called my name.

"Mr. Kiryu!" I turned around only to see Yuuki and a group of women behind her coming my way. Pain ached in me the second I saw the girl who he chose over me.

"Good evening, my Lady." I greeted her with a kiss on the back of her hand while putting quite a feat to hide my shaking composure.

She hailed in return. "It's been a long while right? How are you doing? I know we are not as close as you are to my fiancée but I hold great respect for you ever since you taught him to play the piano for me. It is the best birthday I had in my whole life!" her blue princess gown enhanced the beauty she had.

"I am glad that it pleased you so well." I said with a tight smile.

"It does and that's why I want to introduce you to my friends." she enclosed her arm around mine before pulling me towards her companions.

"It'd be nice if you will be the best man for our wedding in the future. I also want you to be the godfather of our child. It's unofficial but I am sure because I can feel that I am already pregnant with his child. I will be a mother soon!" she exclaimed in ecstatic and her companions congratulated her in delight – but it crushed whatever it was left of my love for Kaname.

So that was why he left.

He really chose her in the end. What was I expecting for an explanation? What was I hoping for other than his apology the other day? What was exactly am I wishing for after that emotional kiss?

It was stupid of me to want an explanation from him when all he did before was hurt me, betrayed me and left me cold in the middle of the rain.

The ladies in front of me suddenly cheered thus I looked over my shoulder and there I saw Kaname entering through the door with his father Haruka next to him however seeing him in the distant made it all the more painful to me.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Kiryu. I heard you are a pianist?" one of the ladies tried to initiate a conversation with me but she failed.

I remained staring at the man who hurt me more than anyone and anything in this world, and the man who managed to hurt me again after all the pain and torture he gave me when he left. I remained staring at the man I trust no more.

I can't trust him again. I don't want to trust him again. It hurts to trust him again.

Kaname glanced around the room looking for someone, but I no longer anticipated that it will be me because I was tired of always wishing for him to notice me.

"I'm sorry." then I detached my arm from Yuuki's hold before walking away in a hurry. She called to me with her voice fading as I continued to retire from them and into the crowd. It took me time and persuasion to pick up the broken pieces and to start moving on with my life so why want to go back to him?

Furthermore I had enough of hoping for him to choose me. I had enough of longing for him to love me as much as I love him. I already had enough.

So stupid of me to think that I might hurt him if I tell him about Kaito. How come he will be when he was not and will never be in love with me?

I walked away from the man who used me, the man who took advantage of me, the man who will never choose me and the man who will never ever love me.

I walked away from the man whom the half of my heart was bleeding for.

―

People applauding inside the ballroom echoed from the door behind me as I stood again in the same balcony earlier ago. Cool wind cuddled my body in solace and the bright moon up in the midnight sky lit up the relief from the bottom of my aching heart.

Kaito rested both his elbows on top of the deck railing with his head down and his slouched back facing my direction.

Joy fondled my heart as I looked intently on him. He who was always there for me, he who helped me standing up again on my feet and he who healed my wounded heart with both his pure love and kindness.

I paced closer and closer to him until he was only an arm reach away from me. Heartbeats raced inside my chest as I realized that I returned – I came back to him.

"Kaito." I called to him and his head perked up.

He slowly turned around and disbelief clouded his facial features upon seeing me again. He was about to say something when I gently pressed my finger on his lips, preventing him to speak any word that I could care less about.

"Shh..." I hushed after shaking my head in refusal.

He nodded in understanding hence I removed my finger from his lips. "I don't need to know what happen nor why you are here neither." he said as he kissed each of my fingers while I stared at him in dearest.

Then he gently pulled me much closer with our faces an inch apart.

His arms snaked around my waist while our eyes never looking away from the other. "I love you, Zero. I love you no matter what." he leaned his forehead against mine, still staring intently and deeply in my eyes.

"I want to be your lover, Kaito." I said in soft whisper.

The pair of hazel orbs before me didn't blink in shock instead it simply imprisoned me more in the window of his soul.

I want to be his lover. I want to give and share everything that I was to him. I want to be with him. I want to love him more anyone in my life.

I want to love him more than Kaname.

This night finally made me realize the reason why I had fallen in love with him in the first place. He never hurt me, he never made me cry, he never betrayed me and he never break my heart – most of all he never left me alone.

Kaito was the man I deserve to have.

And I want to spend my lifetime loving him.

He pulled me even much closer that I hardly feel a distance between us and I used the opportunity to cup his face with my hands before closing my eyes, then I captured his lips with my own.

Intense love conveyed through the touch of our lips and passion quickly melted in our bodies. His tongue brushed my lower lip, asking for entrance in which I granted without a second thought and the foreign muscle thrust softly in my mouth soon after.

I moaned as I wrapped my arms around his neck, and pleasure aroused my heart every time our tongue caressed. Our hot saliva blending together into a taste I could never forget.

I want to love him and only him.

After a while, I let go of his lips before bringing him into a heartfelt embrace. "I love you, Kaito. I am yours and only yours." I smiled and so did he.

I still love Kaname but I chose Kaito.

I chose to commit myself to him, to belong to him and to be his future – I chose to move on.

―

 **Kaname Kuran**

 _A while ago..._

"Happy birthday, son!" Haruka greeted me.

He came to my side in front of a tall mirror stand while I took my time attaching the buttons of my black suit up to the last one. Three minutes left until I go out of my bedroom, three minutes left until I meet Zero.

Black British suit reflected on the surface of the mirror and it refined most of my appearance into perfection that I could stand out amidst the crowd and be easily noticed by everyone – I want to be noticed by Zero.

"Is it impressive? Am I impressive enough?" I spun around to let my father have a close study on my choice of clothing for my birthday celebration tonight.

Am I impressive enough for him? I thought to myself.

Hands brushed my shoulders in soothing motion as if my bones were stiffed. "Indeed. Perfect and handsome that you could outshine all the good-looking men out there, even I." he laughed before pulling out a small black box from his pocket.

He opened the lid and inside is a deluxe gold wristwatch laid on top of a red cushion. I stared in awe.

"Both your mother and I would like to make up for our selfish decision in the past." Haruka picked up the watch in which he soon put around my left wrist.

"Setting you on that engagement is our greatest mistake. It is because of it that you grew up not knowing what love is. All those years, the only thing you learned is how to please your fiancée and be the man we are proud of. It's because of us that you don't know how to love and treasure someone truly." he sighed dreary.

"I hope it's not too late to teach you how, son." his lips curled in a faint smile that it is somewhat sad.

"No it's not too late, father. It will never be too late for me." I turned back on the mirror before checking my appearance once more. "Good, let's go." my father gestured me to the door and I glanced at my reflection for the last time to see if I was at my best in my attire.

I want to look best in front of the man I love.

―

A hundred of guest surrounded me the moment I entered the ballroom, gentlemen raising their wine glasses to me while ladies beamed a seducing smirk in endeavor to gain attention from me but unfortunately they gained none.

I scanned around the gathering of people in search of him however I couldn't find even a single strand of his silver hair much to my dismay.

Nevertheless I will not celebrating my birthday without him by my side. "I'm going to look for him, father." I excused myself and my father agreed without question asks.

Friends and acquaintances hailed me with happy birthday greetings as I searched around the room seeking for Zero, upsetting thoughts of him unable to attend my birthday occasion dwelled inside my head but I pushed them aside because such thoughts won't help me find him here.

Then I saw Yuuki in the distant heading my way but I avoided her as soon as possible before continuing on my search for my lover and for some reason, I ended in front of the blurred glass door of one of our balconies.

I opened the door and anguish punched me in the chest.

Zero is clinging to Kaito in embrace, their bodies so intimately close and their hands joined together – both of them look romantic that it trampled my heart into the ground.

Hurt and angst burned inside me but I held my composure intact, I cleared my throat.

Both of them looked at me in surprise but soon smiled knowingly. "Good evening." they said in unison before breaking their embrace.

"Happy Birthday, Kaname. I wish you all the best and the happiness." Zero greeted me and it meant a lot so much hearing it from him however my short moment of bliss disappeared as I laid my eyes on Kaito.

"Happy Birthday, Kaname." he greeted me too.

Jealousy stirred in me but I hid it in splendid disguise. "Thank you. By the way what are you two doing outside?" I asked as polite as I can be because I certainly don't want to be rude in front of my lover.

"It's nothing, perhaps just a time alone with him." Zero replied, looking at the other and something punched my chest upon seeing how he held Kaito' hand in his with their fingers intertwining right in front of me.

Coldness clasped my hands and fingers – they felt empty.

"I see. I am happy to know that you are doing alright, Zero." I dismissed the sensation in my hands while being modest in front of them or should I say in front of the man I want to touch so badly.

He smiled again. "True. If it's about us... I want you to know that I am forgiving you." he said however why does it sound like he is ending everything between us?

"Is that so? Thank you. I am glad to hear that." I said nothing more since my voice is starting to become frail as due to fear, fear of knowing the meaning behind his words. I was afraid to hear something I will never be able accept.

I cleared my throat again in attempt to regain the strength of my voice. "So... care to dance with me, Zero?" I offered my hand to him, emptiness still lingered in them and only his touch can take it away.

Zero stared at my hand. "I'm sorry." he mumbled.

"I'm sorry because I'll be dancing with my lover instead." he glanced up to Kaito and it broke my heart to see the love in his lavender eyes as he looked at the other. It broke my heart to see him looking at another man like how he used to look at me before.

It broke my heart to see that he is in love with someone else.

"I see. I'm sorry too because I don't know." I laughed to hide the faint cry from escaping my lips.

"True... so see you later inside, Kaname." Zero smiled for the last time before pulling Kaito with him by the hand and soon I was left alone.

It is tearing me apart to hear it from him that they were indeed together and that he is no longer mine. I couldn't amend our relationship anymore because he is no longer in love with me. I couldn't tell him that I came back for him.

I couldn't tell him that I was in love with him.

Even though it is so painful, I still refused to give up. I don't want to give up without trying. I just have to make him fall in love with me again no matter how hard it will be. I will make him fall in love with and this time, I will be there to catch him.

I will be there to catch the man I loved the most.

* * *

Author's Note:

I am so sorry for the long wait. Had been an extremely busy schedule for me. Been busy switching between work, learning to play the violin, completing my university, learning nihongo, and learning spanish! Still learning. I just want to let you know that this fic will never be abandoned. Please leave your reviews and let me know how y'all are doing...I've missed you all!

xoxo


	26. His Regret

**Chapter 25: His Regret**

" _A person doesn't know true hurt and suffering until they've felt the pain of falling in love with someone whose affection lies elsewhere."_

– _Rose Gordon_

* * *

 **Kaname Kuran**

Beautiful orchestral music was playing in the background while colorful gowns worn by women were swirling around the ballroom, and hundreds of feet were moving along the harmony of the song – gentlemen dancing with their beloved partners conquered the entire space – and of course, I was envious of them.

I simply observed and envied them among the audience.

"What are you doing here, dear? I thought you wanted to talk to Zero?" my mother appeared beside me after she finished preparing the dinner food for our guests.

I shook my head. "I did but I never got the chance to. He is no longer in love with me but even if he still does, in the end he chose to be with him, he chose to love only Kaito and no one else... not even me." I mouthed in pure grief.

In the middle of the ballroom; stood Zero and his new lover clinging together in an embrace again, and both dancing romantically that it crushed my already beaten heart to bits.

I simply watched him being taken away from me.

People around the two sent them an unpleasant look every now and then however none of it bothered them, as if they were both heedless of anyone's unfavorable judgment since they only care about one another and of course, I was more envious of them.

Why can't it be me? Why was I not the one he was dancing with? Why was I not the one he was looking at with those eyes? Why not me? Why him?

Please look at me, Zero. I dressed in my best to impress you but never once did you look at me like how you used to look at me before. Those stunning eyes of yours now belonged to someone else, you belonged to him now and it hurts.

Please just one glance at me, I beg of you.

Sorrow engulfed me from within when he didn't. It saddened me that this was what I was seeing after coming back for him. This was the consequence I got after breaking him beyond belief, this was the result I earned after leaving him alone and cold in the middle of the rain.

This is the price I paid after all the mistakes I did – I lost his love.

I laughed for my idiocy. "True not all good choices bring good consequences; I think I understand what your words meant, mother. I thought that I wouldn't hurt him anymore if I left but I was so wrong, not only did I hurt him but I also ruined him, and I regret it." I looked down on the floor as I expressed all my sad thoughts to her.

"I regret hurting him, I regret betraying him and I regret leaving him." I added.

Indeed I shouldn't have been a coward and betrayed him for so many times. I shouldn't have been pathetic and hurt him so much, and most of all I shouldn't have left him when his trust and love for me were barely hanging on.

But I still did and now I got what I deserve – I lost him.

"Despite all this pain I deserve because of all the cruel things I did to him, still I hope that he still and will love me even though I can't be the man worthy of him. I wish, with all of my shame, for him to choose me in the end. I love him so much, truly am, mother." I further said while my eyes remained on the marble ground.

"I am proud of you, Kaname. It's sad I know but to be honest, I am happy because I didn't thought that there will be a day where I will hear such truthful words from you, dear." she replied.

I looked at her and I met her faint smile. "After all, you never said something as sincere as that during the couple of years you were engaged to Yuuki. I don't want to believe it but I knew by then that you are not and will never be in love with her nor anyone neither, though I ignored it – so inane of me."

"I am proud of you because love changed you, dear. Zero changed you for the better." she ended in contentment.

Was she, perhaps, telling me this to cheer me up?

Looking back at Zero again, as much as he deserves someone who was much better than me and anyone else in this world, I want to be the man for him. Even if I was not the most deserving person and even if I have to use my lifetime to prove my love for him – I want to be his lover again.

I want to be the man whom he will spend his life with.

Smiling genuinely for first time tonight, I chuckled. "I know. He really changed me for good." I replied pleased.

Then my mother suddenly grabbed my hand before pulling me to the center of the dance floor, right next to Zero and Kaito much to our surprise. "I can't let my only son not enjoy his own birthday celebration." she giggled after she sent a sign to the musicians for a change of song in which they gladly agreed.

Hence the orchestral music altered into a romantic one.

―

The second the music changed, the audience ceased from their own businesses to watch us out of curiosity and it fascinated them to see that the birthday man will finally dominate the center of the ballroom.

Juri bent her left knee for a courtesy before letting my arm wrap around her waist and she held my other hand in position. "It's been a while since we last dance together isn't it?" she beamed, amused.

I looked to my side and there I saw Zero smiling, his lips curled in a smile that he only show to me – the smile of a lover. But he was smiling the same way to Kaito which caused my chest to become tight and suffocated. Indeed his smile was one of the things I lost.

"It's not too late... as long as you love him, things will never be too late." she said.

"I know but still... it's painful." I sighed before letting my foot guide us together in a slow dance, the bright scenery around me circled like I was inside a spinning carousel. Then people applaud me for my incredible dancing pattern however it didn't matter to me.

It didn't matter unless he is my partner.

Quite foolish of me to wish that I know but I do. Both my feet and body moved instinctively but my sight would sometimes wander to him every time I passed by him – and I would look at him in dearest each time.

Zero caught me looking at him and it stole my breath away but he abruptly looked away as if it was a mistake before staring back at the other again with so much love, and it burned a bitter but sore jealousy in the depths of my heart. I was jealous of Kaito.

The other dancing couples near us were soon retiring pair by pair until no one left but both my mother and I, even Zero and Kaito remained much to my delight.

The melody in the air amplified the emptiness I possessed. Splendid tunes emptied my already hollow soul of the lingering happiness, happiness of him being close to me but even so I can't deny how unreachable he was. He was so close yet why can't I reach my hand to him?

You're so close to me but why does it feel you're a thousand miles apart?

I can't believe that I would be feeling the same thing he felt before, all the woes he suffered were turning its tide from him to me and I know that I deserve to take it as my payment for everything I had done.

I will allow it so that I will be able to understand all his sufferings before.

"I want to dance with him." I said out of the blue.

Juri paused to see if I was serious about it and of course I was. "It's useless if I just stand here and do nothing. I can't let things decide for me again... and certainly I don't want to repeat such mistakes all over again. I want to do something right for once." I explained while releasing my arm from her waist.

"After all, my love for him is worth sacrificing for." I let out a ghost smile.

My mother stared at me, concerned, since she realized that there were a hundred of guests here and who knows what would happen if I chose Zero as my dancing partner but I didn't care.

"Fine... if this is what you want then I'll support you." she smiled. Then she briefly turned her back to me, her elegant green gown twirling, before motioning towards them and it confused me needless to say.

However it surprised me when she pulled Kaito for a dance without hesitation and question ask, rendering him unable to refuse her request especially right in front of this many people.

On the other hand, Zero was left unattended.

―

I took this opportunity to walk to him, closing the distance that is separating him from me. I bowed my head to him. "Will you give me the pleasure of dancing with you?" I offered my hand for him to take, eminently hoping that he will grant me this chance.

"I... why are you doing this?" I heard him asked but I answered none.

Instead I repeated. "Will you give me the pleasure of dancing with you, Zero?" my arm was starting to ache, unable to lift itself for a minute longer. Cold sensation grasped my bare hand and I was hesitant to look up, fear of being denied again but my whole body trembled in ecstatic when he took my hand.

All lights dimmed with only the chandelier above us left alight.

Faint murmurs and whispers echoed across the ballroom though I paid no heed. The harmony of each instrument sang an emotional song, so emotional that it resonated with my growing feelings for someone so precious to me. It simply intensified my love for him.

I lifted my head to see Zero looking away from me again and it hurts I admit.

I dismissed the pain as I snaked my hand behind his back, my gentle arm supporting his waist and I pressed my body closer to him. Although he was unwilling, he still placed his hand on my shoulder – his reluctance pained me but I endured it.

Still and all, I smiled for him.

Even if he was not looking at me anymore, I will smile for him no matter how painful it will be because that was how much I love him.

"You look beautiful tonight." I reached to grab his other hand before slowly lifting it up in the air. As much as I want to intertwine our fingers together, I held back because he might pull away from me if I did and I didn't want that.

"So beautiful you are, Zero." I complimented him.

He turned to meet my smile and hurt flashed in his lavender orbs. "Please don't say that if you don't mean it." he replied in distrust and it crushed me inside.

I said nothing but smiled even more before leading the man I love for a slow dance.

Can you feel my love tonight, Zero?

Loud heartbeats thumped profoundly in my chest and I inhaled a deep breath for it to beat even harder, harder enough for him to feel my beating heart – that every beat it made carries the truest and purest love I was willing to give him.

"I love you, Zero. I really do." I confessed.

Gasps subdued the silence and I can already feel everyone else's disapproving eyes directed at me even the music, itself, stopped but I ignored them all. 1

His eyes widened in shock.

"What... w-what are you...?" he stuttered, disbelief of my confession but before I could repeat my words to him again, a hand roughly pulled me by the shoulder away from the man I love – Kaito pulled me away from Zero.

Similar jealousy burned in his hazel orbs.

It ignited like he desire to punch me but he chose to hold the other in an embrace protectively or should I say possessively like how a man shunned other men from coming closer to his woman with the only difference of it was that it was not a woman.

Kaito shunned me from going anywhere near Zero.

And it hurts more.

It was because I should be the one in his place and not the other way around.

―

Lights came back to life which made it clear for me to see the look of disfavor in their facial features that everyone else was sending me but I bear no regret rather, somehow, it lifted a huge burden off my shoulder – the burden of hiding my feelings for so long.

Zero did change me for the better.

"Tell me it's a lie." Yuuki appeared before me but I just stared at her emotionless, with the intention of refusing to agree on her words again.

She looked around to realize that our acquaintances were studying her reaction, thus she plastered on a tight smile to hide her discomfort. "This is not the time to joke, darling, please don't humiliate me in front of my friends." she almost screamed her last phrase if it wasn't for her whispering those words.

I shook my head in absolute denial.

"No it is not a lie." then I pointed my finger at Zero, "In fact I had an affair with him. I am not marrying you and I am not marrying anyone either because I am in love with him." I imparted loud enough for everyone to hear, even her since I could already see her blood boiling up in her head.

"I can't believe you did this to me!" she cried out, fisting both her hands to her side while people were gossiping to one another again. 1

But then she stole a glass of red wine from a man nearby before throwing the liquid content straight to my face. "Shame on you! I hate a disgraceful man like you!" she sneered, thrashing the glass to the floor, before storming out of the ballroom and her cries faded into the distance later on.

So Yuuki decided to humiliate me too as her revenge?

Such immature actions however I bear no hard feelings because she was not worth getting angry over. Juri immediately came to my side while bringing a dry napkin cloth in which she soon wiped my face clean with it.

I wish I had done this sooner. I thought while laughing silently to no one.

After that, our guests were retiring from the room one after another since they believed that it was not wise to be acquainted with a disgraceful man. All of them left until only my parents and our household servants remained behind, and not even the man I love the most much to my great dismay – everyone walked away from me.

"I'm sorry that this is happening to you dear. I wish I could do something but I can't do anything against other people's judgments... but you know I am proud of you so much I could cry in joy." she folded the napkin in half before pressing it back on my face.

"I'm happy that you are able to stand up for someone you love." she included.

I smiled a little bit. "I know after all he is worth it... he is worth sacrificing for."

―

The celebration ended in terrible finale but in spite of losing the goodness of my reputation – I didn't regret anything about it instead I was feeling high on my cloud nine. I didn't regret shouting my love for Zero in front of everyone.

"I wish I really had done that sooner." I said to myself after retreating back to my bedroom.

The large built of my personal room was one of the things I missed when I left because this room holds important memories I shared with the love of my life and it was the starting point of our romance although I was not in love with him at first but still, this was where it all began.

Then all of a sudden, someone knocked on the door.

The door creaked open and my eyes landed on my beloved Zero, he entered the room with a serious demeanor in him. So he hadn't disappeared like everyone else? The thought of it brought a relish feeling in my soul.

I guess he left for a while to think about my confession.

I faced him with a soft smile. "I'm glad to see you again, Zero. I hope you don't mind if I am not decent." I pointed at red stained on the front of my suit.

"No need because I am not decent either." was he talking about the second-hand suit he was wearing? I was about to rebuff his statement when he decided to speak again. "Why did you do it?" he stared at me dubious.

"Why did you tell them about our affair? Why did you lie?" he asked me further.

And again, his doubting words crushed my heart again. "Lie? I am not lying in the least about all the things I said earlier. I am not lying when I told you that I am in love with you. It is not something I can lie with a straight face anyway." I replied with a forlorn expression.

"This isn't funny." he frowned, still not trusting a single word I said.

"I am not trying to be funny either. I admit I once lied to you and I regret it but I am not lying anymore. I am really in love with you." I took a single step forward but he took a step back at the same time, hurt flashing in his eyes again.

"Kaito is waiting for me outside the room so please..." he mumbled.

Immense pain collided into me when I realized the meaning behind the words he just said. It meant that he refused to accept my feelings for the reason of not being unfaithful to his new lover and my heart yielded in agony.

I abode because I don't want him to push me away further than this.

But how can I make him see my feelings without getting close to him? How can I make him fall in love with me again without being intimate with him?

Then I remembered something I could use hence I didn't waste any seconds longer from retrieving it inside my luggage. I rummaged through it until I found it in which I gave it to him without a second thought – it was my drawing journal.

"I don't have time to read your journal." Zero frowned again.

I chuckled, trying to be oblivious to my heartache. "I'm not asking you to read it; actually I just want you to look inside it. It's yours now." I smiled lovingly to him.

He stared at me uncertain whether he should heed on my words or not however in the end, he did. He opened the book, his fingers flipping through the pages and his charming eyes scanning each contents of the journal, and he blushed not too long.

After all, he was all inside the journal.

There was not a single page without his gorgeous face drawn in it. He was everything I had drawn, he was my everything.

"I am not giving in on your words, Kaname." he bit his lower lip.

I simply smiled again. "I am not expecting you to give in; in fact I'm not good on my own words either. I can't speak meaningful things and that's why I decided to tell you my true feelings through my talent and drawings." I desire to embrace him but I held back as always.

"I will paint my love for you, Zero." I said in a soft whisper.

I will do what I can do for you to look at me again with love in your eyes.

He closed the book and looked away again for the third time tonight. "I think you forgot that you just lost your credibility as a famous painter earlier. No one will buy and promote your paintings anymore all because of what you said. Are you not concern?" he inquired me, as if he wanted to know if I regret telling everyone about our affair and my feelings for him.

Zero chose not to trust my words.

"I guess so because I don't think there would be anyone wanting to buy something from a disgraceful man. It's a nice label for me isn't it?" I said in sarcasm.

Indeed I just lost regular sponsors and customers I had when I chose to tell the whole noble society of my unconditional love for another man. Unwanted gossip will, no doubt, spread like a raging wildfire tomorrow and my painting profession will be put at risk.

I could lose my fame, my status, my reputation and even my profession.

I could lose everything I gained in a blink of an eye all because of him.

But deep inside, those didn't sound that bad for me.

Zero squinted his eyes at my sarcastic response. "If only you hid your f-feelings for me then none of these would happen. Please don't pretend like I am more worth than them for you because I know I am not." misery blending in his words as he held the journal.

He didn't wait for my answer anymore since he turned on his heels before heading towards the door, his hand turning on the doorknob.

"I am not pretending because I love you so much, Zero." I replied.

He paused for a short moment like he's debating if he should trust me again but as always, he chose not to before closing the door behind him and back to the arms of the other man he had fallen in love with – the man he chose over me.

You worth so much to me and I realized it now that I lost you.

* * *

Author's Note:

Hello Everyone!

Thank you so much for the reviews! They're very much appreciated. This is a 36 chapter story so I hope you can stay with me until the end of this story. I am trying my best to fit everything into schedule. As for the error that some of you might be having, I deleted the special chapter that I posted because I was able to insert the missing chapter into its rightful chapter number. That was to avoid confusion as well. Eleven chapters to go. I hope you won't get tired of leaving your reviews. It really motivates me to post the next chapter as soon as I am able. With regard to your inquiry of posting it in Archive of Our Own, I do have an account but I get confused with how things work there. I will also post one-shots and start on working on a new story soon. Anyway, this is getting long. I will post them once I have them ready.

Thank you or all the love.

xoxo


	27. His Gentle Embrace

**Chapter 26: His Gentle Embrace**

" _True love is not all of the beautiful words you say but all of the ways you find to show it."_

* * *

 **Zero Kiryu**

The large entrance door of a noble mansion hailed my presence as I stood still in front of it with my heart beating relentlessly at its grace, I was nervous. The uncertainty in my face was clearly reflected on the glossy surface of the gold door handle and it was causing me to hesitate.

But I must do this because it won't feel right if I don't.

Inhaling a deep breath, I proceeded to knock on the wooden door and a maid answered it not too long. "Welcome, Sir Zero." Seiren greeted me and I nodded in return.

"I'm here to see Sir and Madam," I stated the reason for my visit while searching around the room in hope that Kaname was not here since I didn't have a reason to see him.

"They are in the guest room." she replied, and then she gestured me to come with her hence I abode.

The interior of this manor was completely adorned in aristocracy from the ceiling, wall textures and down to the refined furniture and decorations in which it only shows the huge difference of their wealthy lifestyle from a commoner like me and of course, it hit the reality right at my face.

The reality of him being born an elite and I was not.

Even though I was not bothered by important things like status and such before, however everything changed and those high standards of his were what caused me to lose my confidence and self-esteem as an individual – thus I was no longer an optimistic person like how I used to be.

After all there was no way a famous rich man will fall in love with an ordinary poor man.

This was not a fairy tale where dreams do come true and I just have to believe in it. No it was not like that.

I love you, Zero. I really do.

Lies. I want to believe them as his lies because it will only hurt me again if I don't. I want to believe that he was only saying that because of his remorse and conscience. I simply want to believe it as his mistake because I was already tired of this painful unrequited love – I was tired of loving him. 1

The sound of people talking drifted me from my trance and here I was faced again in front of another door.

Seiren soon knocked and opened it. "Please excuse us. Sir Zero is here to see you." she bowed her head in respect.

Upon entering the guest room; I was stunned to see Sir Haruka with his wife Madam Juri and their son Kaname, much to my dismay, and also Sir Kaien who was sitting decently on a couch across them because nonetheless I was not ready to face the father of the woman whom I deceived by having an affair with her man.

Kaname lit up a smile after seeing me.

"Oh... I am glad that you can join us, young man, we were just talking about you." the dirty blonde man stared at me for a second before calling to my attention with a deep but potent voice and it intensified the shame I bear within me.

I gulped, "I am here to apologize..." before I could finish my sentence, Sir Kaien interrupted me with a hand.

"It is impolite to talk from a distance, please know some manners so sit." he explained in disdain as he pointed on the seat next to him – he made me feel insecure.

Nevertheless I nodded in mute response before taking the empty seat beside him, my body becoming rigid and my posture tensing.

"Please don't be harsh on him, Kaien, because he is not at fault, my son is." I heard Madam Juri sighed and I was unable to picture her expression since I couldn't even lift my head up because of the pressure I can feel from the pair of sharp eyes directed straight at my side.

"He may not be but still, he is part of the fault." the man replied.

"So, Mr. Kiryu..." my breath lost when he decided to call me by my last name. "Is there something you want to say perhaps?" he asked me.

I bit my lower lip, "I am sorry for all the humiliation I caused because of my foolishness. I don't have reason to justify myself so I am prepared for any consequences you may give me since this is all I can do for you to forgive me." I replied guilt-ridden.

"It's not your fault, Zero. Besides, my wife and I don't blame you for everything." Sir Haruka spoke and I looked up to see him smiling and it confused me. 1

However I shook my head in denial, "It is my fault too because I agreed to be his affair."

"True, because things would be different if you didn't." Sir Kaien corresponded with me. "I wonder, was it also my fault that I introduce you to my daughter and her fiancé that night?" he said in emphasis as he crossed his legs.

"No it is not." I lowered my head in defeat.

Kaname decided to intervene, "Enough of the blame, Sir Kaien. It is me whom you should blame since it all started from me and I won't complain you from doing so but please not Zero. He only loved me and he did no harm to anyone."

"I know that well however he still chose to love you, knowing that you are already an engaged man." he scoffed.

The dirty blonde man leaned his back on the couch. "I'm not angry. I just cannot accept the fact that you chose to have an affair with him of all people – you chose another man. I could tolerate if it was a woman but it wasn't even." he reasoned.

"I'm really sorry." I mumbled sincerely as I turned to look at him with honest eyes to let him know that I meant the words I said.

Sir Kaien met my stare and I could tell that he believes on my apology at the very least, then he stood up from his seat soon after. "I am not cruel as to hold a grudge but if you can stay away from me and my daughter, I might forgive you then."

"It's the least you can do for us." He spun on his heels before heading towards the door, his hand landing on the doorknob.

"I promise and thank you, Sir Kaien." I curled a fragile smile.

―

Silence lured me in my own anxiety as I sat across the parents of the man whom I had an affair with. Although they said that they didn't blame me, still and all, dishonor tainted their name and it was all because of my stupid unrequited love.

"I want to thank you, Zero." Madam Juri said all of a sudden.

"I want to thank you for loving my son despite the unfair circumstances. It's painful to be someone's affair especially when you love that someone so much and that's why I admire you, because you still loved him knowing you will be hurt more than anyone else in the end."

She smiled at me sweetly. "I am glad that he met someone like you."

Not knowing what to say to her complimenting words, I just stood up ready to leave. "I'm sorry for imposing at the wrong time. I'll come back on another day." I turned around and was about to walk away when a hand grabbed my arm in a delicate grip.

"Please don't walk away yet, Zero." Kaname pleaded.

His parents took it as a cue to retire from the room for the reason of giving us privacy alone and as soon as the door closed behind me, I immediately turned to him with a grimace.

"What now?" I inquired a little annoyed.

But he simply smiled genuinely and it pained me.

Please don't smile. Please don't look at me like that, don't touch me like this and don't tell me you love me. Please don't give me a reason to fall in love with you again.

Please don't make me fall all over again if you won't be there to catch me.

"Do I need a reason just to be with you?" he asked while taking a nervous step closer to me which only made my chest ached hence I took a step back at the same time, refusing to let him come anywhere near me – I don't want him to reach my heart and make it beat for him again.

Anguish flashed in his reddish-wine orbs but he simply smiled again.

"I love you, Zero." He held my hand before planting a kiss on it.

Those words sounded so bitter to me that I pulled my hand away from his lips before turning around in a hurry and my fingers were already on the metal doorknob when he pushed the door with his hand – closing it again – his breathing on the nape of my neck, his beating chest against my back and his other arm holding me in a gentle embrace.

"Please stop pushing me away from you. I want to be closer to you, to touch you and to hold you, my love." a painful throb emanated in my heart when he called me an endearing name.

I frowned, "I told you to stop saying that if you don't mean it..." because I am not strong enough to resist such true words.

Kaname turned me around slowly to face him again however he was a lot closer than before much to my distress. I pushed my back even more against the solid surface of the door, as if searching for a room to increase the distance in between us.

I need to pull myself away from him to protect my body from the desire to feel him again like how I used to.

"I meant it." he smiled lovingly as he took my hand again before placing my palm on his beating chest.

"It is not something I can lie and it is not something I can pretend either. I love you Zero and I'll keep telling you until you believe me." he pressed his forehead against mine and I could hear something screaming from the back of my head, screaming for my lover's name.

Kaito.

I trembled, my heart still trying to resist his honest words. "I love Kaito. I am in love with him and I am committed to him." I murmured with a frail tone.

Regret shone in his eyes as he stared at me tenderly.

"Then tell me you don't love me, Zero." he said in a soft whisper with his lips an inch from my own. "If you tell me that you don't love me anymore or that you are no longer in love with me, if you tell me that I am no longer inside your heart then I'll let you go."

I closed my eyes, unable to look at him or probably because I was unable to tell him the words he needed to hear at all.

After all I was not good at hiding and lying about my feelings anyway.

Grief imprisoned me in its cage that I want nothing but to break free from it – to break free from him and his sincerest words of love for me. It didn't help when I could feel his hot breath on my lips because it only tormented me further.

Please don't kiss me because I might believe you if you did.

Though relief poured into my soul as he, himself, decided to pull away from me.

"I heard you got an opportunity to play the piano in the theatre. I'm happy for you my love. I want to see you play again and I'll be there on your first performance." I blinked my eyes open and his sad eyes looking at me in dearest, he took a couple of steps away from me much to my delight.

I said nothing and just looked away from his candid smile.

"I promise to be there when you play on the stage." Kaname said the words that disappointed me the most during the time that I was still madly in love with him.

Upset, I faced him with a livid expression. "Please don't make promises you can't keep." I sneered in immense displeasure.

"I am promising you because I am keeping it this time." he replied.

"Please don't make this harder for me than it is. It's too late for you now so please just let it go and stop this madness." it pained me that he was not giving up even though I was always pushing him away but for what in the end?

"It's not too late because I love you, Zero." He smiled again and irritated me to no end.

Hence I turned around before opening the door, and then I left him alone soon after. He chose not to stop me from leaving this time because, likewise, his arms were not the place I want to return to – this man was not the one I chose.

―

The comforting ambiance welcomed me as soon as I came back to my bedroom, quietness resonated around the tavern since it was weekend and such feeling brought peace deep down to my inner self. It unbound my heart from the prison of my depressing emotions.

I slumped on top of my bed, head first, and I let my body reminisce the suppleness and the warmth of the bed sheets without even undressing of my outdoor clothes.

Before long, a knock on the door disturbed me from my rest.

"Zero, are you there?" Kaito inquired from the other side.

I sat up from the bed, "I am." I replied. He entered the room with a pleasant smile in his face as he carried a medium flat rectangular box with him, my heart leaping in excitement the second I saw the man who I belonged to.

"I bought this on my way back." he muttered after he sat beside me and he proceeded to untie the string rope that was securing the box, without further ado, and I watched his fingers in patience.

Later on, the box was opened and my thrilled expression was twisted into an absolute surprise. Inside the box laid a costly black French suit, the dark color of the garment is so enticing and formal that I would probably look somewhat a nobleman if I was dressed in it.

"It's fascinating isn't it? This will be your perfect attire for your first solo performance." he said in enthusiasm.

I raised an eyebrow at him, "First solo performance? What are you talking about?" I asked but he only grinned at me before pulling a letter envelope from his coat pocket.

"It came an hour ago after you left this morning." he handed me the said envelope.

Smoothness of the paper came into my touch and uneasiness grew in me because I didn't know what it was inside the envelope however I just trust my lover's calming smile hence I unsealed the envelope before taking the letter out and I started to read the message content.

It was about a Musical Concerto and happiness quickly engulfed me from within.

"I... I'm going to play a piano song in the theater a week from now," I said to myself, feeling my lips drawing into an earnest smile.

"Indeed and that's why I bought this suit with my earnings." Kaito planted a kiss on my forehead, amused at my excitement.

Soon he hauled me up by the hand before shifting the both of us towards the tall mirror on the wall. He stood behind me as he unfolded the suit and he let it adorned my appearance in front of the mirror – it reflected a complete different impression of me and I was amazed.

"See? It's beautiful, you are beautiful and I am falling in love with you all over again, Zero." I smiled at his praise.

He smiled too and the two of us were admiring our reflection on the mirror for a while.

He eventually placed the suit on a chair nearby before embracing me from behind, his lips trailing kisses on the bridge between my neck and shoulder. The mahogany sunlight coming from my window illuminated the both of us on the mirror reflection, and it was simply romantic.

Then I felt his fingers unbuttoning my shirt.

"Kaito?" I asked in spite of the racing heartbeats inside me that could burst my chest open any time soon.

"Hmm?" he hummed as he continued to unfasten the buttons of my shirt up to the last one, loosening my clothes in which grant him the chance to display my upper body bare. His arms holding me in a kind embrace and his lips were still tracing soft kisses on my neck.

I moaned when he found my sensitive spot. "Kaito..."

Kaito spun me around, "I want to make love to you, Zero." he whispered and it stole my breath away. He captured my lips for a passionate kiss that made my heart rejoiced in glee.

He held my body fondly, pulling me with him before pushing me to the bed in haste. He placed his weight on top of me that made me moan past my lips again in which only caused him to deepen our kiss into hot passion, so hot that I was melting at his desire.

"I love you so much, Zero." he drew kisses on my neck again while his hand caressed my chest and abdomen.

I writhed on the bed beneath him as he showered me with love and kisses that would make my heart swell in intimacy.

He sat up before stripping himself of his shirt too and I blushed at the sight of the fine built of his body. He leaned down again afterwards, connecting ourselves skin to skin that made me go hot like there was a boiling magma inside me – his love was melting me whole.

Our lips tangled again in a sensual kiss, his tongue requesting entrance in which I conceded and his taste blending in mine as he explored my mouth hungrily, and pleasure erupted in me.

"I... I love you too..." I mumbled, biting both my lip and his to suppress my moans but I failed.

His mouth began to trail from my lips to one of my nipples and I writhed even more under my lover's embrace. Then I felt his fingers dancing on my belt however instead of feeling aroused, somehow, my consciousness shouted a name from the depths of my mind.

It shouted Kaname's name.

I jolted up, alarmed, that I abruptly pushed Kaito away from me. My breathing stopped and my heart tightened at the thought of the other's name. Why did I remember him when I was about to make love with the man I am in love with?

Why am I hurt when I remembered him?

I already chose who I love and who I want to be with so why? Why is his name still in my mind and my heart?

―

Confusion clouded my senses that I was lost in my chain of thoughts for a short moment until a caring hand held mine in a solace. I looked up to see the thoughtful eyes of my lover and it embedded sadness in me because I shouldn't think of someone else when I was making love with him.

But I still did even if it wasn't my intention to.

"Tell me, Zero, what is the real reason why you chose me?" Kaito asked me with a ghost smile in him and my heart ached at the sight of it.

He stared at me, "I will always understand you regardless of your reason because that is how much I love you but sometimes I don't want to understand them because I want your love meant only for me and no one else. I don't want only a half of your heart." he interlaced our fingers together.

"Are you really in love with me or did you choose me so you could forget about him?" he asked again.

"I am in love with you, Kaito." I replied, looking down on our joined hands before looking up again. "If there is another reason why I chose you other than that, then I guess it's because I stopped waiting for him."

I'm waiting for you to stop waiting for him.

He seemed to remember those words since his lips pursed into a faint smile.

I reached to touch his face with my fingers, "I am yours and only yours. I want to offer all of myself to you but not this time. I am just not ready to make love with you yet." I said while looking at his hazel eyes in a romantic gaze.

He nodded, accepting my reason wholeheartedly and it only made my soul indulged in his selfless kindness.

"Will you sleep with me? Will you hold me tonight?" I asked.

Kaito smiled softly. "I will even if you won't ask me to." he laid me back on the bed with care before taking the empty side next to me. He enveloped his arms around my waist as he held my bared body in a gentle embrace and I could feel the cadence of his beating heart against my own.

I placed my palm on his naked chest. "What is it?" he asked.

"Nothing I just want to feel it." I retreated my hand soon after. I want to see if it is the same, if Kaname is really telling the truth that he is in love with me.

He laughed, "It beats for you and only you so you don't have to feel if it does." then my lover kissed me on the lips for the last time.

"I know." I replied before closing my eyes in surrender.

I pressed my body closer to him, feeling his radiating heat that would induce me to a peaceful sleep later on. These arms that would keep me safe throughout the night and those warm lips that would cherish me first thing in the morning, I treasure them – this man was the one I love.

But then I held my hands together in a firm grip.

Kaito's and Kaname's heartbeats, both of them felt the same.

* * *

Author's Note:

Dun dun dun dunnnnnn. Hahaha. Reviews, reviews please. :)

My gums are hurting and I'm missin y'all peeps!

xoxo


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